Wednesday, May 13, 2015
I wonder in which decade the expression "I feel like a million bucks" lost its currency. Not the 70s. My mom used to say it all the time. Well, not all the time, but whenever her kids got good grades or hadn't been arrested. I suppose back then, a million bucks made people sit up and take notice; a million bucks threw some serious weight around.
Today, a million bucks means a mortgage and a migraine. Not that I'm speaking from experience. Except, I do have a mortgage, and sometimes my head hurts, but I'm just wondering -- what's the monetary simile for feel-good these days? Do we feel like $3.5 million, $4 million, or am I still low-balling this thing. In my middle-class way.
The longer I've lived, the more I've grown to disbelieve in Fitzgerald's "the rich are different from you and I." They're not, really, other than knowing which fork to use. (It's from the outside in, generally speaking, but not always. I learned that one the hard way. And the fork-thing is stupid, anyway; a fork is just a glorified spear, meant to transport food to its ultimate destination. But now I digress, only because I really fucked up on a fork series last week. To which, I say, take that pastry fork and stick it where the sun don't shine.)
Where was I? I've totally forgotten, because I'm still stuck on the pastry fork, and my gaffe.
OK, it was a dinner party. I don't even know why I was invited. But after I kind of figured out the salad fork (easy), and which one for the meat, and which one for the fish, when it came to the pastry, I got all confused. The cocktails, aperitifs, and wine were no help at all.
So the rich aren't different from you and I, it's just knowing how to handle a situation, gracefully. If you're confused as to which is the pastry fork, or at some point, can't with precision find any fork at all or even the top of the table with some degree of confidence, just pat your stomach, dab the napkin to your lips, and say, "Oh this was lovely, but if I eat another bite, I'll heave."
Works like a charm. And you'll get port. The good stuff.