Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Tightening the vice



The Seven Deadly Sins never seemed all that bad to me. Anyway, I've known worse.

Sure, they have their faults, who doesn't? One outgrows his jeans at an alarming rate, and another watches too much TV, and they all say nasty things behind your back. Still, half of the official vices as we know them, as they're named, are generally up for a good time.

Spend an evening with the SDS, and if tomorrow finds your set of collectible CCCP vodka glasses shattered in the fireplace, and you're a bit fuzzy as to how that all happened, it doesn't mean you didn't have a good time. Plus, you know the usual suspects -- Wrath, Gluttony, Pride, Lust. Sloth is off the hook.

Seems to me, had god and Moses and whoever really wanted to steer us to virtue, they wouldn't have gone toe-to-toe with such attractive competition. Lust; Vanity. (Why Vanity gets a bad rap is curious; I'd much rather not be beautiful but think I was, than be beautiful and think I wasn't.)

Had I written the scripture, I would have chosen vices that were thoroughly unpleasant, vices that left one begging for Purity and Fidelity.

Worry would have perched at the top of my sin list. Even in the short term, Worry doesn't make you feel better, eat better, sleep deeper, love longer. Worry just saps the joy right out of your soul, and that's what I call a proper vice. Which brings us to sin #2: Irritability. Then #3, Vapidity -- in the company of which you find yourself running into the arms of that most imprudent of all virtues -- Courage.

After Vapidity, I guess comes B.O. And then B.O. followed by Nit-picking. Nit-picking followed by Pontificating.

The thing is, and it's too bad I wasn't around to clue in the apostles at the time, the thing is to invite only vices with zero appeal to the table. In that way, guests will be texting Virtue for a ride before you can say, "Stand clear! B.O. just cut the cheese."

27 comments:

  1. "Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want."

    Abraham Hicks


    See, this is what I love about your writing. Your word choices are witty and twisted, but it's your thought process I enjoy most: "Why Vanity gets a bad rap is curious; I'd much rather not be beautiful but think I was, than be beautiful and think I wasn't."

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're right, we need those new deadly sins, especially Worry. You taught me not to worry about things I can do nothing about, and I hear your voice every time I'm worrying about the drought. It does help.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great writing, as always! Love the word vapidity; I'll have to work that into conversations. And do kids these days still use the expression cutting the cheese? If so that one's got real staying power.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes Katie, cutting the cheese is evergreen.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The luxury of sloth no longer a sin as evinced by your use of a stock photo of a bitten apple when you are a talented and fully equipt photographer. Shame ( is that one on the new sin list? Shame should be on there.)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Petrea -- Abraham Hicks nailed that one. And thanks for the nice words.
    Bellis -- I taught you that? Well, those who can't, teach, I suppose.
    Katie -- Wow, it never occurred to me that would ever go out of style. And according to Anon (if we can take his or her word for it), it hasn't.
    Young Fisk -- Hate shame almost as much as worry. Yes, definitely on the list; knocks irritability into third place.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Are you now prostelytizing at one of those progressive churches? I can see folks getting behind swapping out the old vices for some fancy new ones.

    And as to the vanity - my dearly beloved is the first person who ever got me to even vaguely believe I was pretty. Coke bottle glasses don't help with self esteem.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'll take your word for it, but I'm surprised that lust ranks that highly. Maybe someone intended it for the Virtues column, but Microsoft Word didn't cooperate.

    Exquisitely written, as always.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I will take the suggestion to knock Worry right off its proverbial block. Whose idea was worry anyway? I'm with you ~ let's rework the whole list.

    ReplyDelete
  10. When it comes to worry I find that first world problems are their own special kind of punishment. I mean, if nothings is really at stake then there's really nothing to be gained, morally speaking that is. Lack of cause and effect, if you will. Having said that, I think I'll take Vapidity for $300.00, KB. I can always use some extra courage.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Vices with zero appeal! I love this.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know, John. It could go either way in some cases. By the way, should either of us be kidnapped, our code word is: ELMER!
    Sharon, I totally agree. Worry, like wisdom teeth, is nothing but trouble.
    PJ, you can buy Vapidity after Katie uses it in a sentence. I've never been able to , verbally.
    Jean, so nice to see you. I'll drop by your virtual studio -- I've missed your work.
    Marjie -- someday I'm going to fly out to PA with a bottle of very good brandy. We'll sit by the fireplace and talk through the night. No, you'll talk, and I'll listen. You have a story I want to hear.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh you are sooooo right.......I worry about how much I worry.......

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hilarious. Two best friends and I call ourselves the 3 Apostles: Peter, Paul and Mark. I'll mention your post at our next pub meeting.
    Nit-picking... love it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I just may need to print this out and put it on a bulletin board in my office. All I need to do is get the energy to reorganize things so that there is room. This is my laugh for the morning.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Birdman, let me know how it goes down with the other two.
    Roberta, that just fills me with Pride.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Consulting my Bible, I didn't see twerking on the list. Time to add that.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ironically I just wrote a post about worrying. Hmm...where do I confess?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm all for a new list, KB. I like yours ~ and I like Ann's 'twerking' addition. And now please excuse me while I polish my collection of compact mirrors.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Ann, we'll take that under advisement.
    Kaori, maybe it's the season, or the in-between season? In either case, I so enjoyed your meditation; it put Worry in its rightful place.
    Shell, no one would dream of twerking in your costumes.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Worry, the focus of the good on the evil !

    ReplyDelete
  22. I never understood what was so bad about "sloth." I once saw one at the zoo. Other than being a little lethargic, it was kind of cute.

    My granny always said that "worry is advance payment for problems that seldom appear."

    ReplyDelete