Rob Ford Pledges, 'I Will Not Resign.'
Ending six months of often vehement denial, Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, admitted on Tuesday that he had smoked crack cocaine while in office. “Have I smoked crack cocaine. ... Yes, probably, in one of my drunken stupors ...God Bless the people of Toronto." NY Times
Oh, so brilliant -- the two phrases that could have saved me a lifetime of lame explanations and regret.
Forgot to do my homework? "Yes, Mr. Fletcher, but you'll understand when I say, last night I was in a drunken stupor. God Bless."
Missed curfew; arrested for under-aged driving; caught with contraband? "Sorry Dad, but I was in a drunken stupor. God bless."
Flunked out of college, late with rent, forgot a birthday, stood up a boyfriend, lost a power point presentation, divorced, bungled a work budget? DS and GB.
Of course, as all great orators will, Rob Ford takes it to the next level -- ratchets it up. "I know that admitting my mistake was the right thing to do and I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders...This was so difficult ... I hope, I hope, that nobody but nobody has to go through what I have gone through. We must advance; we must get back to work immediately."
Someone has taken a leaf from his book.
"Oh, I'm so glad you're home. I need a thousand pounds lifted off my shoulders, ASAP."
"I am a Bad Dog, a very bad dog, indeed. And admitting it is the right thing to do."
"That said, can we just turn the page on this unfortunate incident? Or are you going to obsess over it? Because if you let bygones be bygones, I have a gift for you..."
"I am your dog forever; I will not resign. God Bless!"