Tuesday, November 5, 2013

You dog, you

Rob Ford Pledges, 'I Will Not Resign.'
Ending six months of often vehement denial, Rob Ford, the mayor of Toronto, admitted on Tuesday that he had smoked crack cocaine while in office. “Have I smoked crack cocaine. ... Yes, probably, in one of my drunken stupors ...God Bless the people of Toronto." NY Times


Oh, so brilliant -- the two phrases that could have saved me a lifetime of lame explanations and regret.

Forgot to do my homework? "Yes, Mr. Fletcher, but you'll understand when I say, last night I was in a drunken stupor. God Bless."

Missed curfew; arrested for under-aged driving; caught with contraband? "Sorry Dad, but I was in a drunken stupor. God bless."

Flunked out of college, late with rent, forgot a birthday, stood up a boyfriend, lost a power point presentation, divorced, bungled a work budget? DS and GB.

Of course, as all great orators will, Rob Ford takes it to the next level -- ratchets it up. "I know that admitting my mistake was the right thing to do and I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders...This was so difficult ... I hope, I hope, that nobody but nobody has to go through what I have gone through. We must advance; we must get back to work immediately."

Someone has taken a leaf from his book.



"Oh, I'm so glad you're home. I need a thousand pounds lifted off my shoulders, ASAP."



"I am a Bad Dog, a very bad dog, indeed. And admitting it is the right thing to do."



"That said, can we just turn the page on this unfortunate incident? Or are you going to obsess over it? Because if you let bygones be bygones, I have a gift for you..."



"I am your dog forever; I will not resign. God Bless!"

45 comments:

  1. In that first photo, it looks as if (damn it) Albert's been sniffing cocaine. Probably in a drunken stupor - God Bless

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  2. Hmmm, just got an alert that this post got 200 hits in the past hour. Happens rarely, and always scares me. God bless us one and all.

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  3. As far as the hits its probably Rob Ford checking it out.. another blogger did a post as well..
    http://writteninc.blogspot.com/2013/11/rob-ford-admits-he-smoked-crack.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FkIoA+%28Written+Inc.%29

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  4. LOL!! I need to clean my laptop after that wine spill. Albert's hilarious! I heard that sincere confession. Those 1,000 lbs are going to drop on him again soon with the full force of the media. Bye bye Mr. Mayor. Good try though.

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  5. Maybe if Mr Ford was as adorable as Albert he could pull it off better. Brilliant as usual

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  6. I love you, Albert! Look at his pretty white hairs.

    You said "crack cocaine." A lot of google hits.

    So, what's the big deal about a public official of a big city doing a few lines? I mean, why not? Why not run naked in the streets, sleep around, spend the public's money on tutus? Can't a guy have a little fun?

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  7. Who knows? Maybe the mayor was at his best in a drunken stupor.

    Come to think of it, Albert, DS or no DS, is probably better qualified. Unfortunately for Toronto, Altadena sounds loads better than frostbite north of the border.

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  8. Classic post! Now I want to do something bad just so I can make an excuse about it and say god bless.

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  9. Thanks for the laugh, and bless Albert, too!

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  10. Love the laugh of Albert in the last photo! Great photo, Karin!

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  11. I've suggested to Albert that he organize a protest about the evisceration of his dignity at this blog. But he said he was too loyal, then confessed (again!) that he did spill the groceries. Poor guy.

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  12. lol...politicians are all pathetic mewling bastards, drunken stupors notwithstanding.

    The shit they get away with astounds me and on my dollar, no less!

    If Albert ever decides to run for office, he has my vote.

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  13. Too, too funny. Albert looks like your partner in crime in the first photo.

    As a Canadian, may I say that I am very proud that someone in my country provided you with the opportunity to outdo yourself.

    God bless.

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  15. You should be here to get the full affect of this whole thing!

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  16. Carolynn I'm with you, and I get angrier every day.

    Wall Street bankers, too.

    I honestly believe Albert would make a better mayor than the Toronto guy, and I'd feel safer about my money if I let Albert hang onto it.

    Okay, not the money. But I'll vote for him for public office.

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  17. According to the BBC, his approval rating has jumped five points. Toronto is starting to sound like Chicago.

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  18. Chicago likes deal-makers, not drug users. You gotta stay sharp to make it in Chicago politics.

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  19. I think your 200 hits are Rob Ford checking out Albert's mea culpa, and trying to figure out how to get himself an Albert to share the Drunken Stupor/God Bless speeches. Everyone loves a black lab with a sprinkling of white in his beard.

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  20. But wait! There's more!

    This just in from the BBC:

    Mr Ford has also challenged allegations he had lied when denying using crack cocaine, telling the media earlier in the day, "I wasn't lying. You didn't ask the correct questions."

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  21. Thank you for the career advice.
    I think I'm goin out drinking tonight. I'm planning on screwing something up and I need my alibi in order.

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  22. Albert for President. God bless us, every one.

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  23. Oh woe! Oh history! There was that drunken stupor. God damn!

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  25. what a beautiful snout.

    "we must advance..." truly language from one still in a drunken stupr

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  26. You know a story has legs when it ends up on Altadena Hiker. Toronto doesn't have a stellar track record when it comes to electing mayors.

    Ford and his brother behave like a couple of goons. It's easy to imagine them as schoolyard bullies in their youth.

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  27. I see the US and Canada are trying to arrange a cultural exchange -- A Weiner for a Ford.

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  28. Albert was clearly too active to have been in a drunken stupor.

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  29. Jon Stewart of Daily Show fame put his own comedic benefits aside and recommended rehab for the mayor. The next night Chris Hayes of MSNBC ran a sampling of photos of the mayor at his "best." I know we have enough glass houses in the states that we shouldn't throw stones, but until I saw actual footage of the mayor of Toronto I didn't believe any of it. God bless us all.

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  30. Of course, in the grand scheme of international politics, this isn't even a blip. We're only lobbing stones from over here because Canada is that perfect sibling, that too perfect sibling, who is always tidy, has excellent manners, gets perfect grades, and never picks a fight.

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  31. Dayam!!! I am sooooo glad I wasn't drinking wine when I read "I see the US and Canada are trying to arrange a cultural exchange -- A Weiner for a Ford." Politics have reached a new low...a very bi-partisan comment!!!

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  32. It's okay. The Canadians are lobbing stones at him, too.

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  33. Now you have me picturing an exclusive rehab retreat, filled with Weiner, Ford, etc., a UN of twelve steps.

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  34. I'm tempted to take the last picture of Albert and use it as my screensaver. Panfilo's too short to notice and Larry wouldn't care.
    Hilarious. Gracias.

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  35. Oh, that's so kind, Roberta. But I think he needs some serious interaction with Crest Whitestrips before he's ready for primetime.

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  36. Andy Borowitz says:

    "Before we laugh too much at Rob Ford, let's remember that last month American politicians on neither alcohol nor crack threatened to destroy the world."

    And Albert, your hoomin could post nothing but photos of you and this would still be a great blog.

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  38. Toronto mayor's first mistake was removing all the bicycle lanes and declaring them silly. Cars and trucks from now on! Screw the pedestrians too. ...We knew right then he needed to be investigated. God bless

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  39. Hi Karin,
    I think you did not had the opportunity to see the update I did on my current post with an sculpture of Arnaldo Pomodoro in Los Angeles. It is the sculpture outside of the John Ferraro building (Department of Water and Power) in Downtown Los Angeles. The sculpture is called "Colpo d'ala".
    Thanks for your idea!

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  40. God Bless, this was funny. Albert resembles Louise in that last photo. Gotta love a yawning dog.

    Patrizzi, I had to google that bit about him removing bike lanes. That's worse than smoking crack.

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  41. Those pictures! LOVE, especially the first one. I might be missing the point here, but god bless.

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