Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dogs: In Search of the Next Miss Altadena

This is Ruby H, a debutante from East Altadena. Ruby is a three-year old Rhodesian Ridgeback and heiress. After two years with a private tutor, she graduated college, majoring in manners.

Turn on's: "My fluffy beds (one in every room), door-to-door limo service, weekly visits to my groomer, shampoo, conditioner, clean teeth, quiet walks along the beach, world peace, farting."

Turn off's: "Dogs who come on too strong and dead squirrels."

Quirks: Doesn't steal food; refuses to bark excessively. Comes/sits/stays on command.

What say you, judge?

I find Ruby sadly lacking in curiosity and initiative, and she's reluctant to engage in adult conversation. Additionally, she didn't offer me a single cookie even though cookies were on the counter in plain sight, something I consider not only rude but counter-intuitive. While her farts are nice, they're not what you'd call exceptional; and her breath and fur smell funny.

Verdict? Pass.

Next contestant: Louise C of West Altadena


  1. Oh, Ruby, the lack of conversational skills and intellectual curiosity is a deal breaker for the modern beauty pageant contestant. Whatever happened to advocating for stamping out illiteracy, or at least stampeding squirrels from the county?

  2. Oh Albert!!! She's such a beauty though!!! Are you saying she's a Bimbo Dog???

  3. Why do I hear Michael Palin's voice narrating this?

  4. I love Ridgebacks! They seem so gentle and sweet. Yes?

  5. damnitalbert

    I never pictured Albert as an elitist. Don't want to bust his bone, but he doesn't have the patrician looks to carry it off.

  6. (my paws don't reach the keyboard so I am dictating this to Debbie)

    Dear Karin,

    First. I don't think you got my best side so I am sending you another photo.

    Second I didn't have any of my best clothing on either. You need to tell me before you go to press. I don't remember signing a release, so you might be hearing from my lawyer.

    Third, what does Albert know anyway? He didn't even shave for the camera. And, Hello, there's a nifty little invention called "the dog brush."

    Plus why would I share cookies with him? It leaves more for me.

    Glad he passed on me because he is just not in my Ivy League of men anyway. I'll consider another walk sometime in the future only if and when hell freezes over.

  7. I am feeling like Ruby was a good choice!!! Maybe she could be recycled back through for a "call back"?

  8. Man, Albert's words are funny. But he might be missing something in her--that's a nice looking dawg.
    I've never known a Ridgeback. What's their reputation? Is Ken right?

  9. Gosh, I never knew Albert was so eloquent. Hope he didn't come on too strong with with Ruby.

  10. Well, I can understand why some of you are leaning in Ruby's direction. But as you can tell from the second photo, Albert's quite the catch; he's picky.

  11. Yes, Albert's eloquence is a surprise. I must confessed I thought of him stereotypically as a "goofy Lab" type. My bad....

    Ruby is a beauty, but she may need to share cookies more often if she wants to move up in the world.

  12. Poor Ruby. It seems Albert has lofty ideals. Perhaps she needs to steal food to increase her chances of expelling more fragrant vapours.

  13. maybe she's just being coy?? Thanks for compliments on the card but that's not my's Grace Kelly in To Catch A Thief!!!!

  14. Love the face of Ruby H!
    Seems her eyes has honey color...

  15. Yes, he's an orator. Sometimes he orates all night long.

    Kenny & Banjo, yes, RR's are calm, docile, and very very sweet. Ruby probably weighs in at 120, but she's graceful and never runs into people or things. And they never steal food from their owner.

    YAH, that's so funny.

    Yes, the eyes are light amber. Same with contestant #2.

  16. Hmm. I once knew a RR who was so sweet and docile he wouldn't let a friend's new boyfriend into to the bedroom and a 120+ lb. male [sweet docile] menacing Ridgeback is not to be messed with. Well, maybe he knew something my friend didn't pick up on. We've all made a few bad choices. The relationship didn't last.

  17. I'm partial to Ridgebacks, I have to admit, although I'll acquiesce to Albert's expertise on this subject. I mean, he's down there in the trenches and knows his nose, if you know what I mean.

    I wish the other contestants well, although I think Albert & Willow are meant for each other.

  18. Doris, I always trust my dog in that regard. Even this dog.

    Carolynn, you could be right. Good thing they're both fixed or I'd weep for their children.

  19. What's an heiress doing in Altadena? Your neighborhood is definitely going downhill, heading straight to San Marino.

  20. Hmmm. Maybe a scout doesn't want to play. That Albert is a tough sell.

  21. Contestant #2 here. I was going to start a cat fight with contestant #1, but I have to respect her feisty response to Albert and his ridiculously high standards. You go, Ruby!

  22. Please don't let my friend Carri Ann see this. She's a Rhodesian Ridgeback devotee of the highest order. She just won't understand, Albert.

    This is my candidate, Roxy she's a Ridgeback with some Thai thrown in for good measure:


  23. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a woman walking the most beautiful dog I'd ever seem. Turned out it was a boxer/RR cross.

  24. Maybe the fact that Dog College took two years is something that can help her rise in Albert's esteem?

  25. A dog that doesn't steal food? Come on! It's too early in the morning to pull my leg like that.

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  27. Pass it is! She's a beauty for sure. The fact that she's an heiress is icing on the cake.