Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Heavenly Calling

I've been job-hunting lately, or more accurately, I've been waiting for a job to hunt me -- preferably something that's short on hours, long on the do-re-mi. And what do you know -- a position opened up just this week. From what I can tell, it's a match made in heaven. Thank god for Linked-in.

Yes, it's Pope. And don't even think about it; I got there first.

It's a part time job with benefits -- Medical, meals, housing, company car (I'm praying for a Subaru). No dental, but perhaps that's just as well. As they say, if you want to see a fresco, go to Rome; if you want to see a dentist, go to La Canada.

The position has a strict dress code, caftans and bathrobes, mainly. But as someone who has spent the better part of two years working from home, you'll hear no complaints from this quarter.

As for character, I think I have what they're looking for. I'm perky, chatty, and can forgive almost anything at the drop of a mitre. My choral work can bring tears to your eyes. I welcome, even indulge in, philosophical debates, like, How many angels dancing on the head of a pin does it take to screw in a light bulb. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?

But now we come to the elefante in the stanza. The potential deal breaker that will take some pretty fancy footwork on the cover letter that accompanies my job application. No, it's not the Latin thing. The way I see it, a well-placed Etcetera can cover a multitude of sins. And it's not the Bible thing, I've seen the movie.

But, I fear, as with any job, it's all in who you know. I checked Facebook and in four years, I've friended not a single bishop. I haven't even liked them. So I'm spending the entire evening rushing to their pages, pasting "Oh man, are you wise or what?" "From your lips to god's ear," and "Move over Deepak Chopra" on their timelines.

I expect I'll be put through the wringer -- three interviews, at least. If you want to see how I'm doing, no need to follow me on Twitter. Just keep an eye on my chimney.

53 comments:

  1. I'd say it's about time they have a woman pope! Or is that popette? Or popa?

    Well, I hope you get the job!
    Funny stuff...

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  2. How about background check?.. My daughter just landed a job and she called me yesterday to inform me that she passed the background check... we both kind of laughed... then again, if she hadn't....oops...hmmm,spoke to a woman whose husband is a staunch Catholic and both of them are wondering why this Pope suddenly has health concerns...

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  3. I didn't know you could resign from the papacy.If you need a reference I'll be glad to oblige. I'm all for women in top jobs, especially one who can turn a phrase like "the elefante in the stanza." Very clever piece. :)

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  4. I was grinning and liking it, but I started loving it here: "How many angels dancing on the head of a pin does it take to screw in a light bulb."

    I know a street called Pope Road. One day a variation popped into my head: Poop Road. Now it's not just another street, and I take it all the time.

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  5. It all sounds great, but do you REALLY want your pic on Page One of the National Enquirer?

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  6. Have you molested any children of late - or at least covered up someones dirty doings? I hear it's part of the resume

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  7. what Banjo said - I like that sentence too

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  8. Then there was Pope Joan, she who may or may not have poped in the 13thC. She was doing just fine until she gave birth whilst riding a horse, thus exposing her gender ineligibility. She died shortly thereafter, circumstances questionable. As a XX horse owner, beware.

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  9. Not a single Bishop has wanted to befriend you, yet?? They must not know you well, or maybe they know you too well.
    But, 4get a bishop - what about a Cardinal? I think our local Cardinal Mahoney is looking for friends right now. Ck him out. He might be the man you need. (Btw, he votes on the next Pope. ;) )

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  10. Karin, no Subaru, but a Popemobile, isn't that a lot fancier? You can ride it in the next Rose Parade. Just don't make the mistake that Pope Joan did.

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  11. I can't believe that among all these august personages, there's not one bloody bishop among the lot of you.

    Though I must say, you all do know your way around a cautionary tale.

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  12. My boys discussed this issue last night over dinner, and they decided that the next pope ought to be a Mexican named Jesus. Not only could it be really cool to have a Pope Jesus, he could be young enough to carry a 1980s style boom box blasting out hymns or whatnot, and have a great-nephew savvy enough to make the Popemobile hop. THAT would attract the young demographic for sure!

    If not, then we'll vote for you. Especially if you can do something cool with the Popemobile. And I'll bet you'll rock those white dresses and pointy hats better than old guys do.

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  13. Oh, I forgot to mention that my dearly beloved had an aunt who was a Mother Superior, but being as she's dead 20 years now, I doubt she can schedule a meet and greet with a cardinal for you. Sorry.

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  14. Unfortunately, I see this whole thing starting with a lengthy sex discrimination suit on your part. Could take years.

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  15. It's in God's hands, but I wish you the best!

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  16. I can't beat Holy Smoke!

    You might want to reconsider. Have you seen those shoes??
    V

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  18. My uncle was a Methodist Bishop and he met the Pope. I'll try to put in a good word for you...

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  19. I hear it's one of the most sought after positions this week. Good luck! Don't forget your friends when you get to the big house.

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  20. From what I understand via Wiki, you don't necessarily have to rise from the ranks, but it couldn't hurt if for the next week or two, you refer to me as Sister Ursula.

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  21. OMG! I think my whole street can hear me cackling away. I had to stop and think about the angels on a pinhead screwing the lightbulb. After serious contemplation, I think the answer is 5.

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  22. I'm not a bishop, but in some circles I'm known as King of the Jews. That won't help, I guess.

    But give me an audience. We'll talk.

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  23. Awesome idea! I can't wait to get a new Popener with your face on it.

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  24. Yes, I'd vote for you for Popette!
    Is it true they sell Popecicles in St. Peter's Square?

    [Very clever piece!!]

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  25. You are too funny. I'll put it a good word for you with the cardinals.

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  26. Georgia LP, I like your turn of phrase. And maybe Earl will tell us which circles those might be.

    When I land this job, I'll cook you all breakfast. We'll start with pope-overs.

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  27. Trying to think if I know anybody...if I ever did, they've long since unfriended me.

    Link up with Mister Earl, I don't think you can do better than that.

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  28. Since it'll be a cold day you know where, I vote for pope-sicles

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  29. I'm with Mr Earl, I'm not of the Bishoping type, but more than once I've been called Rabbi. I wear one of those little hats sometimes too (have you ever noticed, all major religions have someone wearing a hat or yarmulke type thing?), so who knows, I might have some pull. I'm holding out for Popesicles and I think that Albert probably wants some Poperoni treats.

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  30. I've been rendered speechless...from laughter!!!

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  31. Background check? Surely a past lives check in this regard. You could be Pontius Pilate for all they know !

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  32. There's been the Legend of Pope Joan, you could be the basis for the Legend of Pope Karin. Don't know the last time there was a pope of Nordic heritage.

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  33. As we plan the celebration, it's only fitting we should shop local -- patronize our Mom & Pope stores.

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  34. What Ken Mac said!
    ...What everyone said...!

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  35. That may be the best blog post I've ever read. ha ha ha

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  36. That may be the best blog post I've ever read. ha ha ha

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  37. How could you lose when you've Facebook friended with the last name of "Powers". Commanding, "power"ful. Not a bishop...but close.... Although I have to admit, I'm rooting for Pope Jesus. Isn't it about time?

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  38. My all-time favorite blog post. Should there ever be a blog olympics, I would give you a 10. Meanwhile, if you get in, will you let me borrow the PopeMobile? It's my life's dream. What a rush! (Ann's comment reminds me of a song my dad used to sing that started with "'Hooooooly Smokes' the preacher hollered, as the church went up in flames...")

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  39. Karin's been going to the gym for Pontius Pilates.

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  40. Good luck on the interviews and
    I hope you get the job, Karin!
    I will keep my eyes on your chimney. Lol!

    PS: After the first comment of Naomi on Tom Jobim post, I added another video: Sting and Jobim, singing "How Insensitive". So beautiful too.

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  41. I keep reading and keep loling!

    Pontius Pilates!

    Christ on a cracker!

    I think I just burst a seam!

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  42. You're a hard act to follow, and now I'm too pooped to pope.

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  43. It's a good thing I'm not drinking any tea this morning...
    I nearly choked when I read your last one Hiker!!!

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  44. Heyah Sister Ursula, 
    You'd better practice:

    First you get down on your knees,
    Fiddle with your rosaries,
    Bow your head with great respect,
    And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

    Do whatever steps you want, if
    You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
    Everybody say his own
    Kyrie eleison,
    Doin' the Vatican Rag.

    Get in line in that processional,
    Step into that small confessional,
    There, the guy who's got religion'll
    Tell you if your sin's original.
    If it is, try playing it safer,
    Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
    Two, four, six, eight,
    Time to transubstantiate!

    So get down upon your knees,
    Fiddle with your rosaries,
    Bow your head with great respect,
    And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

    Make a cross on your abdomen,
    When in Rome do like a Roman,
    Ave Maria,
    Gee it's good to see ya,
    Gettin' ecstatic an'
    Sorta dramatic an'
    Doin' the Vatican Rag!

    - Tom Lehrer 

    downstairs mixup
    http://ia600308.us.archive.org/9/items/TheVaticanRag/TheVaticanRag_64kb.mp3

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  45. If these rumors of a papal scandal pan out, we'll have "Pope on a Rope!"

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  46. Doesn't seem like much has changed in the Vatican over the centuries.

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  47. Oh my. I'm late to the pope party. To bribe you for forgiveness, I've brought lollipopes:
    http://stuffwhitebritslike.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/lollipope.jpg

    I've already ordered a set with your face on them, Karin. I have faith in you!

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  48. Oh wait... how are you at waving your hands? If arthritis has set in, it won't be pretty. It might look like you're flipping off the masses. That would be a really bad PR move.

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