Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Blind Justice


Choosing a good melon requires due diligence. You have to inspect the candidates; thump, sniff and weigh them, examine the rinds. Check for bruises and leaks to ensure the fruit hasn't been compromised or corrupted in any way.

But what would happen if you couldn't get up close and personal with the melons?

Well, then you'd have to make your choice based on circumstantial evidence. You could start by checking the labels, which of course were designed and written by those trying to sell you a particular melon in the first place. You could, I suppose, ask the opinion of some self-described melon experts or others with a background in the melon industry. But could they be trusted -- particularly if they showed some deep and vital interest in your melon selection? Might they not have a hidden melon agenda?

It would be helpful if the melon could say a word or two on its own behalf, unfortunately, that's counter to what we all believe is a very basic law.

So, where would that leave you? Playing the melon lottery.

A little knowledge may be a dangerous thing, but no knowledge at all is even worse. Without some rudimentary facts, figures, information, how can you choose anything -- dog, car, melon, superior court judge. More on Patch

31 comments:

  1. choose by smell and looks....:-)
    if the judge looks bad and even worse if he smells bad- RUN!.
    I always go by my gut instinct and that is rarely wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those hidden melon agendas will get you every time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Figuring out if a judge is doing a good job requires research; it's not something you can get from a casual look.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Most melons are smarter than judges. I do appreciate photos of melons any time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. what Mr Earl said (excluding the sexual innuendo)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think I chose melons because of this:

    Melon Heads: name given to legendary beings generally described as small humanoids with bulbous heads who occasionally emerge from hiding places to attack people.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've always thought perkiness was a good indicator. Not in judges, but melons...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Earl and Pat, talk quietly amongst yourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sorry, but I haven't what to say about Electing a Superior Court Judge... I think that it must to get good info about them.

    But, when I read this post, I just remembered that I read yesterday a passage in Philip Roth's memoir "Patrimony" about how to choosing a good melon. I am reading this moving book in Portuguese and I Googled and I found this passage in English: (...) Roth's elderly widowed father complains about his girlfriend: "She can't even buy a cantaloupe." His son responds: "Look, a cantaloupe is a hard thing to buy -- maybe the hardest thing there is to buy, when you stop to think about it. A cantaloupe isn't an apple, you know, where you can tell from the outside what's going on inside. I'd rather buy a car than a cantaloupe -- I'd rather buy a house than a cantaloupe. If one time in ten I come away from the store with a decent cantaloupe, I consider myself lucky." Roth did for sure a metaphore of the life and of the human being. I tightly recomend the book to who did not read it yet, because it's a book from 1991, but only now it was publish in Brazil.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm with Mr. Earl. I also like photos of nice, ripe melons.

    My mother always picked cantaloupe by smelling the belly button where the vine was attached. If it smelled like a ripe cantaloupe, she bought it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Here in NYC Mayor Bloomberg has decreed a new way to protect the citizenry. He does this a lot. "Forthwith, all veggies and fruits will be held away from human hands within a dispensing machine." You look and lick the glass, and that's how you choose your melon. Works for us.

    ReplyDelete
  12. When I grow up, I want to be a self-described melon expert.

    Sonia, thank you for this: "I'd rather buy a car than a cantaloupe."

    Ken, time to move upstate.

    ReplyDelete
  13. DBW: I also use the smell test on cantaloupes. It works pretty well.

    ReplyDelete
  14. DW is right, the belly button sniff test works every time and I imagine that applied appropriately judges can be chosen in a similar fashion.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I will never think is furiously abut choosing a melon again. Or a melon head.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your comment said it better than I ever could. So I used it!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Your photo said it all, Kenny Mac. http://greenwichvillagenydailyphoto.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'll read your column. I never have any idea how to vote for these people so I just vote for the women.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Great photo and comment on Kenny Mac's blog.

    Melons and judges - brilliant comparison! Love all these comments, too. Funny people.

    Sonia, thank you for sharing that Patrimony passage. It's perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You guys to the south have so many elections, how do you keep up with all of them?

    ReplyDelete
  21. I bought an excellent melon last night. I thought you should know. Cantaloupe - at the entrance to Sprouts on Rosemead. I smelled the stem like the police chief's mother. Sqwat help. Just luck

    ReplyDelete
  22. I often think there's a hidden melon (or any fruit) conspiracy that happens when ever I walk into a fruit store.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Carolynn - We used to have a lot more elections when we were younger.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The smell test is what my Dad taught me. Advice rich with meaning and wisdom. In retrospect, one of the most intimate, familial things I ever learned from him. KB, this post is as important and telling as the greatest literature ever written.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Clever analogy between choosing a good melon and a "decent" judge.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This was a strange piece, because it ended up getting posted on 7 or so different patch sites, and I don't know why -- there was only a trickle of comments. Given time, I could have worked out that analogy to a better result. I think. Maybe someday I'll take another swipe at it.

    Willie, I'm doing something on fences. If you see something interesting up in North Dakota, send it my way.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Good fences make good neighbors.

    ReplyDelete
  28. How did you know, Earl. That's exactly what it going to be.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Just a thought: choosing a melon is a serious project, meant to be taken seriously. More seriously than what can be found usually on the US markets... why can't the US with all its abundance provide us with delicious fruit?

    ReplyDelete
  30. The smell test is the only way to go!!! Of course, you also have to thump it to make sure it's nice and firm...
    nothing worse than a wimpy melon...

    ReplyDelete