Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Desperate measurements



Winter and I, we have a deal. For three months of the year, I can sock away all the brownies, French bread and butter my little heart desires. And oxtail stew, biscuits and gravy. Hazelnut chocolate, cream soups, peanuts, almonds, lasagna, and cheese of all colors from all countries.

Why? Because when it’s winter -- cold and rainy – a trench coat or that woolen muumuu I call a sweater can hide a multitude of calories.

Who’s to know that under all the fabric -- coats and sweaters and scarves -- there’s suddenly so much more of me to love. As for the zipper on my jeans -- who’s to know what a painful trek it takes to reach the summit. Who’s to know the zipper may even stop trying, midway.

Come spring, I’ll pay dearly for the follies of winter, and get back to rabbit food and serious hiking and running again. But it’s really no worse than all the other spring chores -- weeding, taxes.

This year, though, something has gone awry. An agreement has been broken. I don’t want to be a snitch, let’s just say, I didn’t break it. I came skipping out to meet winter, bearing carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, but winter did not come to meet me. Not even half way.

It’s been like summer around here, not sweater-weather, not even tie-a-sweatshirt-around-your-hips weather. My zipper and I find ourselves very much exposed, stuck between a rock and a soft place.

Thank you very much, global warming. As if melting the polar icecaps wasn’t bad enough. More on Patch.

34 comments:

  1. Love that face of your friend!. I hear ya on the global warming.. I've got new spikes on my orchids that are outside, magnolia buds, flowering plum tree has bloomed!. wth, this year is worse than last year... My yard is totally confused and so am I.

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  2. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could make me run...but the sunsets you boast of sounds fabulous!

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  3. Typically, during winter we don overstuffed apparel that makes us look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. This year, despite the battle of the bulging belly, we still resemble the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man without the overstuffed apparel. sigh

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  4. "hazelnut chocolate ... lasagna .." Enough!

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  5. Never enough, Steve. Rob, I'm going with Michelin Man.

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  6. Albert looks so concerned! Perhaps he's realized that even *I*, *I*, have considered running to work off the winter poundage and not look like little white sausages are popping out of the lower end of my shorts instead of my legs. But alas, not going to see me run---or if you do, like seeing the SCE guy running, you'd best run too!

    Looks like you're getting some of the same rain we are experiencing, except, it looks like Hawai'i forecast, instead of typical SoCal "winter" rains. 73F and rainy in Feb? WTF? Wait, well, we have rain and 50F, at least that is semi-normal!

    Not sure what all the flowering pear trees and the privet are going to do---they started pouffing out last week around here!

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  7. I'm with you on the winter feed......fortunately it snowed at the weekend here in London and the tempreture finally dropped....so I'm now living in the huge puffy jacket I used to survive NY winters in....!!

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  8. This rainy morning is a good time to read your ode to winter. Like KBF's yard my yard is trying to accommodate. The cherry tree is leafless, the irises are blooming, and the little bit of token lawn looks dead or alive depending on the light.
    On a personal note I'm going to bake scones and make some soup today. Always feels right to do so on a wintry day.

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  9. Our Editor Responds.....

    Winter, spring, summer, fall and I have a deal. For twelve months of the year, I can sock away all the cheese cake, French bread with cheese that my little heart desires. And pizza with x-tra cheese, biscuits and cheese. Hazelnuts on cheese and chocolate cheese cake, cream cheese soups, peanuts, almonds, lasagna, and cheese of all colors from all countries........

    and on me it shows
    v v v
    it's all about me

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  10. Yay, it's raining! Where's my muumuu? Looks like Mac and Cheese weather to me.

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  11. i see that this is on Patch but to me, this is worthy of KPCC or any larger format.

    (One man's opinion.)

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  12. The weather's been yoyo-ing around here--but the last few days have brought on the chili and the soup.

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  13. making turkey meatloaf with kale again tonight. I think mashed potatos go well with that...what the hell, another few pounds will hide well under my winter coat and I'll sweat them off when the weather returns to 70F in a few days and I'm still wearing the coat!

    wv: endfu...I suspect that my trip to the internist Weds will endfu my winter eating habits quickly! Or...too busy to actually open my mouth while shoving in more meatloaf, I respond to the doc "I'll endfu tomorrow, tonight I'm eating real food!".

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  14. Thank you, K. Maybe I'll have my agent, Eggub Nirak, send them something. Actually, why not?

    Hi Jean. Trish, Pea soup.

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  15. So is the photo showing Cardiac Hill? That's a mighty nice sky.

    It's always been clear that you were quite the exerciser, so enjoy your winter sins. I cain't do it no more. I've tried to blow it away with a shotgun, but it just laughs at me.

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  16. I'd give a belly laugh, but my pants are too tight.

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  17. You said it, Sister! (only you said it soooooooo much better than anyone else could of) LOL x LOL x LOL

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  18. I share the same fate. Although, I do have the cover of snow and cold to hide beneath...for another few weeks anyway. As Scarlett said "I'll deal with it tomorrow"

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  19. Even tho it's not spring-like weather here yet, I'm having the same problem with the pants, zipper, etc. Maybe there's a "fat" virus going around; makes us crave delicious caloric comfort food and gives us a hearty appetite...
    maybe another glass of wine will help....

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  20. Walking Cardiac Hill on a regular basis sounds like a great way to have your hazelnut cake and work it off too. My diet secret is 80% healthy 20% yummy. And front-loading fruits and veggies (usually 8 servings by mid-day) so I don't have to have any for dinner.

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  21. Lord I feel your pain. I haven't had a serious coat on in a month! What's up? WEll I just shut my door, pretend it's cold and make a big ole pot of stew...with cornbread. Ya'll come.
    V

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  22. well, meanwhile in Europe...

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  23. So now I see this is all your fault. You pissed off winter and now we all must suffer. What did you do? I'll keep reading over at Patch.

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  24. Stuck between a rock and a soft place. You are so funny.

    Oh, could I get representation from Eggub Nirak?

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  25. Alex, too true. Des, I'm sure Nirak would be honored.

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  26. Heh, heh!!! Unfortunately, my sins of winter will be exposed to sunlight soon as we're heading to Hawaii at the end of the month...Lord help me!!!

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  27. I must say, this summer during winter has made me lose major credibility with my kids. They think "winter" is a fairy tale I made up to keep them out of the pool when it's clearly summer. And, I keep dressing them (and myself) inappropriately for the weather because I look at the calendar and think I ought to be able to wear a fleece & some sweats to cover up my holiday pounds.

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  28. Does Albert get to lick the pan?

    . . . Albert!!

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  29. I never fix mac and cheese anymore - every time I do I break out the black pepper and then, and then, all the mac and cheese disappears. Only to reappear a little later - on me!

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  30. Well, hi, Albert! Tell Karin that winter has never appeared here, either. That didn't stop me from breaking out the chocolate and all kinds of whatnot. It's only light 9 hours a day in December and January, after all, so who will notice when you're out in the dark?

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  31. I left a comment on Patch a couple of days ago wondering whether you'd taken Lou and me up Cardiac Hill. Now I'm wondering whether it was Tommy and me. I honestly can't remember. This is worrisome, as is this strange summer in February.

    I think Eggub should start submitting to the New Yorker.

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  32. Run, AltadenaHiker, run!

    In between Camel 99's, i hit the treadmill three times a week, run circuits through weight training (2 credits) and then to yoga (1credit). Before "training" on Friday's, I fit in an hour watching intramural indoor soccer - all those nice African kids are trying to get me out on the floor. They have such skills to astound one; Yabo, the Somalia Tiger, Stanley from Ghana. Then there are the Asians, Han and Lee, and that incredible Egyptian and Cris from Kent, England, via Yokohama, Japan. I told them give me some time to get my knees back (and maybe a little wind). I gave my word, in a manner of speaking.

    I know now how I'm going to die . . .

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  33. Susan, yes we went up Cardiac. (And you were not the least bit winded.)

    Bandit, ok, we'll be each other's sponsors and keep one another honest. And alive.

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  34. Yes, Karin, I think your thesis is
    accurate, "when it’s winter a trench coat, etc, can hide a multitude of calories."

    Love Albert sweet face!

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