Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Word (smithers)

A friend of mine recently posted an article about the possible mental health benefits of psilocybin mushrooms. Some scientists believe the chemical compound found in the fungus can reverse certain types of depression. So we had a brief exchange as to whether the mushroom wouldn’t make one vomit profusely, actually intensifying whatever sense of depression one was feeling at the time.

I’m not saying my question sprang from any personal experience, or that her answer did either. After all, either one of us might want to work for Rite-Aid or run for president someday.

Then again, judging from our last two or three presidents, it appears one can admit to a couple of drugs on the resume. If memory serves, these drugs would be cocaine and marijuana. But the language of the admission is vitally important. For example, a candidate would never say he had taken a few bong hits in his time or snorted nose candy. No, they have to say they once, “experimented” with drugs. Because this brings to mind a scholarly and clinical environment, where the inhaler is surrounded by people in lab coats carrying test tubes, rather than a roomful of undergrads in ripped denim shorts waving a straw from MacDonald’s.

Which then led me to think of an easy way some people could dress up a few things on their resume. They could say they experimented with shop-lifting, for example, or experimented with breaking and entering. Newt experimented with whatever the male equivalent is to nymphomania. He also tried monogamy, several times, but each of those experiments proved unsuccessful.

In any case, the admission always has to end with an apology and a word from our lord. God is the vital ingredient. The whole thing has to wind up with God and God’s forgiveness. So far, God has been unavailable for comments.

40 comments:

  1. I experimented with shoplifting when I was 5. I went to a drug store with my dad and pocketed a balloon from the toy section. Going home, my dad turned the car around when I pulled out my prize and showed him. I had to apologize to the pharmacist and dad gave him a nickel so I could keep the loot. That was the end of my pifering sprees. I do remember much later doing experiments involving the simultaneous effects of pot and Bali High on my brain. I don't remember the outcome but I'm certain God forgave me. I did other experiments that shall go unreported here, but are also forgive.

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  2. You just have to ask the question the right way. When I do something wrong, I say, "God, do you forgive me? If you don't, speak up. Otherwise I'll take that as a yes."

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  3. It's all good, but for me the last two paragraphs are primo. Sometimes I tremble at the farce that is American politics. If those guys are floating such idiocy, Americans must be buying it. But at least it ain't North Korean etc. politics.

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  4. To: PV Peninsula HS NAVIANCE
    Subject: Important guidance for college interviews

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  5. I'm so honored. I've never been a mentor before.

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  6. I heard the clips of a certain candidate who got all bent out of shape over someone having the unmitigated GALL to ask whether he, the one who so frequently talks of "family values", had asked his 2nd wife about having an open marriage. Uhm, really, he's upset about being asked about that after all his bug-a-boo about "family values"? Right, do as a I say, not as I do.

    I guess this leads the way for me entering political life. I've got more skeletons (and experimentation) than even *I* remember, so I guess I'm perfect for running for office. Oh wait, I'm the type who will tell it like it is, not take money from special interests and tell people like that former speaker, to phuk off. Guess I should come up with a different business plan than politics because I don't fit in!

    AH---hey, mentor away, it is humbling, but can be incredibly fun to watch kids grow and learn!

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  7. LOL!

    Due to previous experimentation, forgot what I was going to say.

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  8. Some scientists also posit that an obsessive compulsion to use terms such as LOL, ROTFL, OMG, OMFG, @, and smiley and winky faces can be traced directly to those who did not vomit when trying mushrooms. But this is still in clinical trials.

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  9. I experimented with having children and realized much to late that you are pretty much stuck in that experience forever. Be forewarned people.

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  10. It seems like a number of presidential wanna-bees have been doing a large amount of "experimentation". So much so that 2 of them were actually discussing the fate of Fidel Castro's soul during the Repub debate in Florida the other night. Apparently none of them vomited....

    WV: vomiand
    (So fitting, don't you think?)

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  11. And I believe all of the candidates are quite relieved that God does not post comments or offer rebuttals.

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  12. I'd rather the candidates be forthright about their drug experimentation (because, hell, did they grow up in the 60s and 70s? let's face it) than give us some line of bullsh*t about their so-called family values. I'd vote for an honest person if there were one.

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  13. I'm pretty sure Kathryn Kuhlman liked her mushrooms Stewed, grilled, skewered. She's just precious

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  14. Bullsh*t? Bullsh*t? What the H E double toothpicks does Petrea think I'm running here, a brothel?

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  15. Newt experimented with 'traditional marriages'. Meaning he only married women. Three of 'em.

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  16. "So far, God has been unavailable for comments." And thank goodness for that! ;D

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  17. You said "cock" the other day. I saw it in print.

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  18. There is an honest candidate, but MSM has forgotten his name.

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  19. Apparently, despite his infidelities, Newt's still got the support of the right-wing evangelicals, as they're big on Redemption. God is a pawn in everyone's agenda.... I'm surprised he hasn't lost his temper yet.

    In the good old days of very long ago, shamans and their male buddies ate the magic mushrooms after they'd made their womenfolk chew all the toxins out first. So the men got high and the women got really bad tummy ache.

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  20. I can still run for public office.

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  21. My husband is going to experiment with gardening. The way these primaries are going I'm gonna slip in some mushrooms

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  22. I'll vote for you, Karin. I'll also vote for you, Des, and Barry, too. Running for public office has long been out of the question for me.

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  23. before starting an experiment, always have a hypothesis of sorts. i dunno, something about a scientific method i heard about back in junior high.

    non sequitur: God is unavailable for comment b/c all the presidential candidates who've publicly claimed that they were chosen by Him to lead the greatest country on earth have dropped out of the race, probably by some divine intervention.

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  24. ok, Hiker and Petrea...I've GOT to remember not to be sipping any liquids when I read comments!

    I'm just going to mention that I gave up one of the things mentioned, years ago for Lent and oopsie, forgot to restart...yes, says the Jewish kid, starting at 3rd...and no, it wasn't bacon I gave up for Lent...

    wv: stpopper...ok, wv gives the Jewish kid a "saint" answer, really? And popper, what, the patron saint of gay men in the 80's? Oh, how DOES wv know?!?!

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  25. They're all pretty funny, or maybe a range from ironic to funny, aren't they Trish.

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  26. I dropped blotter acid in high school. Turned my plate of spaghetti into a giant plastic octopus that pulsed with life. I want to do that again....

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  27. Kenny Mac might have a problem with his presidential bid.

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  28. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDisp7EfsQo&feature=related

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  29. I was the designated driver when my friends dropped acid in high school. I can run for office but they can't.

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  30. My record of experimentation is fairly slim: in the 80s I dated a Republican and drank lots of Bud; in the 90s I dated a hippie and ate some special chocolate cake. If God makes me apologize for one of these, I'm deeply sorry I drank all that Bud.

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  31. It's hell being drug sensitive when you don't give a sh*t about running for any office.

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  32. Reading through the comments is every bit as entertaining as your writing that inspires them. I can imagine the lively banter that would ensue if everyone got together around a dining room table over a tasty meal.

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  33. Actually Carolynn, when we do get together we just sit there an email each other on our phones.

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  34. A close, personal friend of mine says that the best way to "experiment" with weed is to bake it right into brownies; two birds with one stone.

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  35. Personally I prefer the modern way to communicate ... or do I?

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  36. I seem to recall "experimenting" with psilocybin a few times in an earlier life. The thing I remember most was when talking to people, their words sounded like gibberish. Or maybe that's just how I heard them.

    I'd say a few presidents may well have "experimented" with some light drugs. Me? I'm experimenting with blogging...

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  37. Margaret said...
    I experimented with having children and realized much to late that you are pretty much stuck in that experience forever. Be forewarned people.

    January 25, 2012 7:25 PM


    This bears repeating.

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