Wednesday, October 5, 2011

phoebe


She's been old for a long time in every way but her heart. She got a probable diagnosis of bone cancer today; when I call for the final test results tomorrow it's just a formality. They wanted to show me the x-rays, but I wouldn't let them.

Knowing something was wrong, and something was bound to go wrong anyway, given her 15+ long years on earth, doesn't, oddly, make this one bit easier. It's ok if it's hard on me, I just won't let it be hard on her.

The bad thing about Google is that it leaves, in this case, nothing to hope. This part of her little body will fail, then this, then this.

She's at home, and the pills brought her back to happy today. I won't let her go out sad, so must time this exactly right. She must go out with love and joy still alive in her soul. And that's going to fucking kill me.

31 comments:

  1. Poor Phoebe.

    I've met her, she was a nice girl.

    Treat her well!

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  2. I am so very, very sorry you're facing this; this decision is every pet-owner's nightmare and you never ever get used to it. Just know a lot of us "get it" and feel for you.

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  3. Oh, what a shock for you. That's so sad. After so many years, you two have grown so very attached - she's your baby girl, after all. You've still got lots of time to shower her with love, and make her happy.

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  4. Oh dear. So sorry to read this.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear this sad news.

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  6. That stinks, AH. I've been there four times with dogs, and it's a very tough thing. It's great to hear someone keeping the dog's welfare so clearly in the forefront. Best wishes.

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  7. Oh, Karin. I'm so sorry. It's what we all dread.

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  8. Ah, shit.

    I'm so sorry, Karin. I've been where you are and my heart breaks for you. I can tell just by looking at her sweet face that Phoebe is a special soul. Spend as much time with her as you can. Soak her up and lavish her with your love. She'll let you know when it's time.

    I have to go get a tissue.

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  9. Oh Karin.
    We are with you and Phoebe in ways that only our hearts and minds allow us. We get it.

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  10. Oh, Karin. Dear sweet Phoebe. My heart aches for you. You will know, and as wrenching as it will be, it's the greatest kindness you can do for your beautiful little lady. Thinking of you and sending much love...

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  11. Oh no...I'm so sorry. My prayers go out to both you and Phoebe.

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  12. dammmmit!

    sucks big rotten, stinkin, month old sitting in the 100F heat eggs!

    I understand we learn to love and then let go of the animals we take in, but it still sucks when that lesson comes around again and smacks us between the eyes.

    Give Phoebe hugs from us, and remember to take a few for yourself.

    I guess Steve Jobs decided he needed the perfect iPup to follow him around for eternity!

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  13. I know from experience how difficult this is.

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  14. Devastating news. A punch to the gut. That five stages of grief stuff is a load of shit, btw.

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  15. About those five stages, West Coast. Maybe they're right, because I can't bring myself to make the call. It's a rapid-moving cancer according to google, so I'm just not ready to hear about it. Maybe later. No, of course, later. Just not now.

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  16. I'm putting my energy into you. You did for me and it helped

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  17. I called. Thank you for your good wishes. The radiologists looked at the x-rays, and they said about 2-6 weeks. If I have my druthers, she feels good and lasts through Halloween and we can enjoy her favorite holiday together. She loves handing out the candy. So I think I’ll schedule it for November 1. There’s the chance she can take a mis-step and shatter the bone, so I’m hoping this date is in her better interests, and not mine.

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  18. Gizmo from Rottrover just had the same diagnosis. My heart breaks for you and Gizmo's momma. Hard as it was to lose Thor, and we are still devastated, I can't imagine it's anything other than torturous to have to wait to lose sweet companion. Keep her happy, enjoy these bittersweet days, and my tears are falling for you.

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  19. Oh God. I feel your pain. ((hug))

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  20. I've known that feeling. Too often. I feel your pain.
    Phoebe & you have my thoughts of comfort, & prayers.

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  21. Sweet, sweet Phoebe. I didn't expect a post. I can't believe you can even write.

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  22. Shell expressed my thoughts. You'll know right time.

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  23. lots of tears

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  24. Merde. That's all I can say. I wish I could have my photo taken with the Phoebster. I've loved her for a long time.
    V

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  25. not going to be able to get to see her in person, but perhaps we can do a virtual visit for all of us far-flung Phoebe lovers.

    take it easy---her and you. lots of treats and snuggles. no big runs or jumps and just make sure you have pain meds in case she needs them. That goes for you too---a nice merlot or a sauvignon blanc?

    I'm rooting for her seeing H'ween---what a wonderful last hurrah---doing what she loves!

    Always remember, and don't forget, you're a good Mom, Phoebe knows that.

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  26. So sorry to hear this, Karin.

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  28. I am so sorry Karin. I'm glad to hear that you are thinking of Phoebe first and are not going to be selfish about it.
    I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better now and after. I know the feelings you are having too well.

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  29. Ohhhh Hiker...I'm so sorry...I know how you feel. It is so hard. But you are so right to try to focus on the fact that she had 15 + good years, a very loving home, and to want to keep her from suffering. You are a wonderful doggy mom...Blessings to you, Phoebe and Albert in this trying time.

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  30. Oh dear Karin! Poor lovely Phoebe...I am so very, very sorry...
    I have tears on my eyes and my heart aches for you.
    Many hugs.

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