Saturday, June 25, 2011

We Are the Champions

Are you watching Wimbledon? If so, chances are we have a lot in common -- High cholesterol, low testosterone, restless legs, dry eyes, nail fungus, arthritis, clinical depression, and erectile dysfunction.

Fortunately, after our pills, odds are we feel an irresistible urge to walk barefoot on the beach, fly a kite, paint a picture, catch a fish, kiss a blond who is much too young for us.

Which is pretty impressive, considering some of us now suffer the unlikely side effects of kidney failure, liver disease, corns, warts, difficulty breathing, suicidal tendencies, and erections lasting four or more hours.

Things could be worse. We could be watching golf.

35 comments:

  1. Is there a blonde at the centre court?

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  2. Hahaha! I'm wasn't watching it before and I'm certainly not watching it now.

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  3. Unfortunately I have not watching Wimbledon.
    Fortunately, I do not have any of the problems you listed. And, fortunately, the only drug I take besides an occasional aspirin is caffeine.

    But things could be much worse than watching golf!. Lemme count the ways...

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  4. This is so funny - though it took me a while to get it because I'm watching the BBC live broadcast, which is mercifully devoid of adverts. I love the way advertisers prejudge their audience.

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  5. No adverts? I feel sorry for those in the UK. Think of all the Restless Leg Syndromes that are going unidentified and untreated.

    GG

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  6. I'm not watching Wimbledon but I always enjoy the side effects portion of drug ads. Yikes! As for watching golf, when I lived in Minnesota a favorite winter weekend activity was taking a nap with golf on TV in the background. The quiet talking, the birds chirping, the gentle clapping. Better than Ambien and no pesky side effects.

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  7. I hate that, when my erection lasts more than four hours...makes my tennis skorts so uncomfortable.

    wv thervig
    I was thervig when I double fawted.

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  8. Paula, I'm sorry to say that painted quite a picture.

    The upside of all this is, the majority of those who watch tennis have excellent health coverage.

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  9. I'm sorry too, but they said it first...about 1,000,000 times and that's given me plenty of unhappy thoughts. It isn't easy when you think in pictures...maybe that's why advertising is lost on me, I tend to block it all out.

    wv unnovel

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  10. No Dear, that's the Golf Channel.

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  11. I find I'm getting up 4 or 5 times a night... to watch golf.

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  12. Baghdatis vs. Djokovic wasn't this witty, but was pretty exciting in the last half-hour or so. David vs. Goliath, heroism vs. destiny.

    Or, if you prefer, a restless leg, a double fawt, and an Ambien walked into a bar . . .

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  13. You guys are makin' me laugh. This is way better than Wimbledon. Obviously they're running more commercials than tennis matches.

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  14. we've been too busy to watch much of the matches this year. Usually, we're glued to the TV---I married a tennis addict. Mind you, not a player, just a watcher. I don't think either one of us has any of those conditions you list (other than wetting our pants when we giggle loud enough the dog wonders if we're having a stroke). And yes, it amazes me when I hear some of the ads for these meds...the side effects sound MUCH worse than the original "disease", so why trade something manageable for something much worse (like death!?)?

    but I think I've got a new invention, Depends skort (TM) (R) (XYZ)---to protect against a longer than 4 hour erection AND wetting one's pants. It's a twofer!

    on a roll...going to go stand in line at the patent office now...open open open! I just hope I don't double fawted when I make my application!

    wv: ingsta...AH ingsta-gated all this!

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  15. Trish, go with it, I want to see a mock-up.

    B52, make that an Ambien ambled into a bar...

    And peeps, always carry a spare, this happened practically in my own backyard:

    http://news.travel.aol.com/2011/06/26/tsa-pats-down-elderly-woman-removes-adult-diaper-video/?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009

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  16. I got rid of my TV last year so it hasn't been that long - but your description reminds me of commercials from the 70s. I don't think they've evolved much over the years.

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  17. Don't forget the condition known as sausage fingers...
    And Juan Martin Del Porto...

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  18. This is America, where dreams come true! Of course that is reflected in our advertising! What are you, a communist or something???

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  19. You're right, Ms Blather. As a matter of fact, at this very moment I'm kissing a blond and he is much too young for me.

    Paula, the title of the vid is enough -- I can't look.

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  20. Watching those ads is like watching a car wreck. They mesmerize me, while at the same time horrify me. The list of side effects always sounds so much worse than the original problem. It's weird in a mad scientist kind of way.

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  21. I'd love to raise a racket here and defend golf... but too tired. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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  22. wish I had time to watch this year! Miss it.

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  23. We have things in common, but it's not Wimbleton. It will never be. But I do like my xanax <- (that ought to bring some spam your way).

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  24. It popped up on FeeBee late last night. It's a horror story but fortunately the 95 year old woman, who's dying from leukemia(?) but rest easy in knowing she is a real trooper, a class act, unlike the TSA. They must be suffering from some side effects.

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  25. I'm not watching tennis, but I still hear ya...
    Very witty post!

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  26. I know as much about tennis as I do football, which is basically nada. But the side effects sound disconcertingly awesome!

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  27. Oh, and allergies. We have terrible allergies.

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  28. This may be the best short post ever. You never disappoint.

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  29. Last night I became FB friends with Maria Sharapova. It seemed ok at the beginning until I found out she had 8 million other friends. Then she sent me a message about her match the other day, which was very nice until, right in the middle of telling me about her match, she tried to sell me a smart phone. Couldn't believe it. I unliked her. I know when I'm being used.

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  30. She's totally bummed out that you did the unlike. If she loses tomorrow, it's all your fault.

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  31. Match, unlike, FB, fault--are these tennis terms?

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  32. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOCNl7Psw7I&feature=player_embedded

    women's world cup

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