Sunday, May 8, 2011

Vegekarianism

If you're a sales professional in a high-end, retail store and want a customer for life...

When someone, me, for instance, walks into the gourmet, kitchen appliance section and asks whether you sell additional filters for vegetable juicers, the same juicers on prominent display near the cash register, open your eyes wide and blink, then drop your jaw and slowly shake your head from side to side in amazement. A "Huh?" is never out of place.

Granted, the skill takes time, but try some role-play. Pretend I just asked you to recite the periodic table. Backwards.

OK, maybe I'm a little on edge. Suffering a bit of withdrawal. You see, I'm going raw-vegan. Well, half raw-vegan and half cookie. It's dangerous to shock the system.




I've juiced more vegetables this weekend than I've eaten in the past decade. Than I've seen in the past decade. My raised beds are stripped bare. I'd juice the lawn if it weren't dead. I'd juice the carpet if it were green.

If my health continues to improve, someone might get hurt.

40 comments:

  1. Kudos to you for embarking on a healthy food regimen! I must confess, I love my meat, but I also love, love, love fresh produce, especially when it's fresh-picked from my own garden. Btw, I see Jamie Farr in your lovely chartreuse melange. Just give it another stir or two.

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  2. It's addictive. Juicing, blending. I've done the same to all my fruit--blueberries and strawberries. Don't think they are as healthy as veggies, but I do love those smoothies.

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  3. You will be adding some raw gin or bourbon to this mix, right?

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  4. Oh gawd. Not you too?! Good luck to you. I could never get excited about it, myself.

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  5. Hmmm, now Cam has me looking for Jamie Farr. Des, I'm sure someone has already invented the Vegatini.

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  6. I know a certain someone who would appreciate a Carrotini right about now...

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  7. finishing up with a cilantro/parley chaser.

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  8. A Bloody Rosemary?

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  9. I meant cilantro/parSley...and I'll have that bloody rosemary myself.

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  10. Look for the Madonna in your next glass - you'll hit fame and fortune then!

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  11. Good for you. I can't even persuade myself to go plain ol' vegetarian. Maybe if I had to kill my own meat . . .

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  12. I would have juiced that salesperson.

    Also, after reading "I'd juice the lawn if it weren't dead. I'd juice the carpet if it were green" I'm just going to quit reading for the rest of the day.

    I won't find anything funnier.

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  13. Looks delicious.

    Do you feed your dogs with that stuff?

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  14. Somebody had better get those cookie supplements to you Pronto!

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  15. Anon, funny you should ask. My dogs, who have been known to beg for used cottonballs, show no interest in my drink.

    Marjie, I'm waiting for a care package. Paula's was lost in the mail.

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  16. Eeeuuuwwww to veggiestew. I like my chunks....not that they sound the least bit appetizing.

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  17. So does this really make you healthier? I thought we were supposed to have protein. Don't tell me tofu, I know you don't grow tofu.

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  18. P, I'd say you're new photo looks great, but don't have my glasses - ah, hell, I know it looks great . . .

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  19. PS I see 72 vestal virgins - not.

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  20. Sigh. Clearly, I missed the wrong breakfast.

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  21. All things in balance and moderation! I used to ONLY drink veg and fruit juices. I then switched to smooties for more protein. Now I'm mainling bacon fat...

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  22. Dang, if we are what we eat...you, my dear friend, judging from the photo, are in SERIOUS trouble!

    I bet if you tried you couldn't paint something like that.

    (PS...I'm encouraged by the mention of cookies.)

    WV: valur ur self

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  23. PSS - what -K- said.

    VW: audgeta a steak with that

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  24. I missed it, too, Margaret, and I was there.

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  25. I applaud you, KB. I'll even eat half a cookie as a tribute.

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  26. I'm sure it's healthy, and I would try myself but... for me life isn't life without prosciutto :)

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  27. Raw vegan? I can't go there. And your "juice" gave me chill up my spine!!! :) No, maybe it was the rattlesnake. I'm seeing my therapist at 11:00.
    V

    PS I see Desiree suggested a dash of bourbon. Now you're talkin'!

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  28. You are my idol. I'm in day three of the No Potato Chips diet and already close to giving up.

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  29. Oh my god, I wish someone had warned me about juicing beets. It looks like a slaughtered a cow in the kitchen.

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  30. If you put the lid on the juicer, Hiker, you're less likely to turn your kitchen into a slaughter house.

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  31. Hahahahaha! Funny text today.

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  32. I love my greens (and reds), but I like to chew on them. Still, Hiker, you're an inspiration. I'm adding juicer to my list of things I need, just below couch. Did you manage to get rid of the pulp?

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  33. Looking at this drink again, I see a dancing girl to the right, and an attack frog swimming in her direction.

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  34. I see what my cat left on the floor beside my desk. Bilious!

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