Saturday, May 14, 2011

Taking notes

Angelina Jolie has a new tat. Joining her others, including V MCMXL, which is the date of a famous Winston Churchill speech ("I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat"), her shoulder is stamped with map coordinates that correspond to the birthplaces of her six kids.
Yahoo news


Some stuff you just can’t seem to remember. Sure you can write it down, but hard drives crash, files burn, even notebooks get lost. I think that’s why more of us are turning to tats, not just as body art, but as permanent records of vital information. An imaPad, if you will.

My left arm isn’t just an underachieving appendage anymore, it’s a shopping list. And this has changed my life in small but significant ways. Now I never run low on bird seed, double A batteries, and Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. If something spills, there’s a Bounty paper towel to wipe it up.

My right arm has always been my body’s workhorse, so it’s stamped with daily reminders: Drink water, Vacuum under the rug, Floss. The longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates for where I might have left the carkeys.

My stomach has two stamps; one cautionary: The other white meat. And one inspirational: Celery, it’s what’s for dinner!!!

My entire right leg is given over to spiritual messages. A police officer pulled me over last week; he thought I was texting. But I wasn’t. I was just reading my thigh. So yesterday wasn’t the first day of the rest of my life after all. It's today. But if “Today is tomorrow’s yesterday,” that means today is never the first day of the rest of our life, either. It’s tomorrow. Until tomorrow is today, in which case it's practically yesterday...

Half way through my explanation, he let me off with a warning.

35 comments:

Terri said...

Are you serious? You actually vacuum UNDER the rug?

Petrea Burchard said...

I don't think I'll share the messages my body is sending.

bandit said...

Now that you made me think of it, I tend toward scars (codification). Like a map of where my life has taken me . . .

A hitch hiking trip to the Gulf of Mexico in winter, an altercation with the large Italian family on old W. 7th St., that job out in the sticks where we made on the spot repair, the Apple River tube float where I saved the stash and beer (quite proud of that), my right knee, never quite the same, Regions Hospital, right jugular . . . the scars on my heart? No - those are personal.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Very funny post. I actually spoke to a bloke once who had the words 'Mike Tyson' tattooed in large letters on his forehead.

Banjo52 said...

The whole tat idea here and the Hiker-coined “imaPad” are wickedly clever. But getting pulled over for reading spirituality on your thigh—that’s a ten. Thanks!

Margaret said...

I'm tattooing all my Internet passwords on my arm. Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should consider paper for your shopping list hereafter.

May I see your secret tattoo?

wv: proxiall

Anonymous said...

Show me yours and I’ll show you ...

:-D

Italo said...

My body tells me every day something but I don't listen it: it's so boring.

Tash said...

Perhaps in chickenscratch font? On thigh, leg, and ... breast? I'll just have to rely on a wing & a prayer.

("the other white meat"...classic!)

Sara said...

I don't have tattoos, which must be why I always forget to take the garbage out on Tuesday and find myself often wandering around the grocery store wondering why I'm there.

And here I thought my cell phone was supposed to tell me that stuff.

Shell Sherree said...

Makes my vague, uncommitted, never-going-to-happen notion of a small-yet-surprising tattoo inside one shoulder blade seem very vague and uncommitted.

Birdman said...

You are a nut job! In a nice way, that is. I work with a 30something gal, who is constantly writing daily reminders on her hand and arm. Ha! No thigh yet. Tat you!

altadenahiker said...

Later I was thinking about the number of people who stamp their back with a line from a famous philosopher. That way they can quote Hegel, for example, without every having to read him.

Kaori said...

As long as it's in a language you understand, I say go for it.

You just never want to make a mistake like Britney and ask for the chinese symbol "mysterious" and end up with "strange."

Pasadena Adjacent said...

Do you need an MD to do tattoo removal? A second career to float me through my golden age perhaps.

Pierre said...

You should change your name to Lydia.

Katie said...

I like your spiritual message -- very "live in the moment" since yesterday, today and tomorrow are way too confusing. I couldn't live without mini post-it notes. Maybe I should get a tattoo of a post-it note with all the most important things to remember on it.

Patrizzi Intergarlictica said...

HAHHAHA!



wv: comedip

Comedip into the pond of popo pros tat a gogo.

Paula said...

The only tattoo I've ever seen that I liked is Mademoiselle Gramaphone's.


wv oollywvy
Can you straighten that up, it looks all oollywvy?

Marjie said...

Hubby had an aunt who was a nun starting in the 20s. Back then, they wore habits and were not much allowed in public. So she talked the Mother Superior into letting her and some other young nuns take the bus to the park to go for a walk. On the way, they encountered a priest who quizzed them very vocally about what they were doing. Her rendition of the explanation is very similar to your last paragraph. It was funny.

altadenahiker said...

Paula, I know we're all in agreement that artistically, MG can do no wrong. She didn't, however, show the whole arm, Further down it says Fancy Feast Tuna and Liver.

Patrizzi Intergarlictica said...

riff-raff

Susan Campisi said...

I'm going to get this tat on my left arm: underachieving appendage, just so no one expects too much from it.

Paula said...

And Tender Tongol Tuna Appetizer in a Delicate Broth, right?

altadenahiker said...

Apparently MG has been flashing that arm coast to coast.

(You too, Susan? Were it not for a two-handed backhand, my left arm could disappear and no one would be the wiser.)

Brenda's Arizona said...

Does your forehead say "This way up"? I just gotta know.

Brenda's Arizona said...

Bandit - good comment! Scars instead of tats. Excellent!

BaysideLife said...

Wow what a timely post. I was just telling friends I need a keeper to tell me where I'm suppose to be and when. (There's been a rash of forgotten appts., etc. on my part recently.) Maybe I just need a tat of a calendar. Can tats have pages? I'd need twelve.

TheChieftess said...

The Chief tells a story about being at McMurphy's in Pasadena (when it was still a great Irish bar) and seeing a guy come in with a tatoo of the open mouthed Rolling Stones logo plastered right in the middle of his forehead...

Trish said...

reminds me of my Grammie, who used to keep her CDL and emergency credit cards in her brassiere (now that I'm older, I've got to say "ouch!"). Now I know why she drove so carefully so she didn't have to get undressed to provide her ID!

Also reminds me of an exam I proctored once---for athletic trainers...everyone was wiggling, moving body parts around, looked like the Tourette's class---everyone was just trying to remember how each muscle, tendon, ligament attached----but it looked rather, uhm, odd.

I have to agree with Petrea...not sure y'all want to know what my body has been saying---this ex-jock thing would put my body messaging over the text msg limit on any plan!

Paula said...

Bandit, we're are self-scriveners on some level. That's why I love HD TV: have you aver noticed all the facial scars actors sport? It must be character building of somefing.

Bellis said...

Bandit must be a guy - my scars are a remembrance of meals past and clothes ironed. Burn scars.

All I can think of when I see a heavily tattooed person is ..... what they'll look like when they're a wrinkly oldtimer in a nursing home.

TheChieftess said...

A birthday or two ago, I gave my step son a birthday card that showed two old codgers on a front porch in rocking chairs...explaining to each other what their tatoos were!!!

When I first married the Chief, my step son detested tatoos...then all of a sudden he started getting them. He tatooed a wedding ring on his hand cause he's a plumbing contractor and works with his hands...then it was pics of his kids and wife on his legs...of course, now he's getting divorced...oooops!!!

Bec said...

imaPad - love it. Loved all of it. If I ever get something permanent on my body (not likely since I still haven't pierced my ears), it won't be words!

WV: clues