Friday, May 20, 2011

Start spreading the news

Ok, I just sent in a fresh piece to the New Yorker, and if you don't see it published within the next couple of months, it can only mean one thing: The world really did end this weekend.

I can say this with confidence, because I compared my piece to the last three essays in Shouts and Murmurs -- objectively. To the first, I gave a 4 for execution and a 6 for artistic merit. The second earned a mere 3 and 1. The third one I gave a 6 and 8, but when it came to my piece, I couldn't hold up and wave two 10's fast enough.

I mean, I laughed really hard. And that was before I poured another screwdriver. Because after I drank that one, I sobbed uncontrollably. But humor is like that, you know -- touching.

It's been over a year since I sent the New Yorker anything. They must have wondered what had happened to me, though they haven't said as much. Maybe they're sulking.

In any case, I'm back. I can update all my profiles. Once again, I'm writing for the New Yorker. Or to the New Yorker. Oh, for or to, who cares. It's the New Yorker part that matters.

24 comments:

  1. Cumulatively, I'm sure there are many weeks where I spend just as much if not more time reading "Altadena Hiker" than the New Yorker.

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  2. Um, about my subscription, do you accept pickles, jams or jellies in lieu of filthy lucre?

    wv pling
    I pling the New Yorker on your behalves.

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  3. I always give your writing a 10, and you are way funnier than many things I read in Shouts and Murmers.

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  4. My WV is cackcho. There, I said it.

    Like Kevin, I spend more time reading Altadena Hiker than the New Yorker. But I'd be willing to buy a copy if your stuff was in it.

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  5. I have countless unread New Yorkers stacked up on my coffee table, but I'm completely current with your posts, which are always a delight.

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  6. Oh, just for that, you all deserve another screwdriver. Paula is bringing hors d'oeuvres.

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  7. I'm sticking with wine so I can retain sufficient motor skills to wave two 10s at you. If it's not a done deal, it should be.

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  8. I always wave two tens when I read your posts--with or without the screwdriver. The New Yorker never made me laugh until tears pooled my eyes.

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  9. Your writing it's 10 (Ok, my ENglish is not so good so maybe if I were American I could change :D)No, just a joke!:D

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  11. I am looking forward to see your piece on New Yorker.
    Me too, I give your writing a 10!

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  12. Best of luck. And if merit were the only issue, it could happen. But I'm sure you've heard about the number of submissions received by mags like that, never mind the networking business, and now the flood of MFA grads submitting.

    When it comes to rejections, there really are reasons, purely mathematical reasons--not just sour grapes excuses--that good work is turned down. But it sounds as if you've been in the magazine biz--you know what I mean. But really, good luck.

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  13. Two tens waving madly here!!! And I've only had coffee!!! I have to admit...I haven't read a New Yorker in about a million years...but I certainly would if you get published!!! A pox on them if they don't accept your piece!!!

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  14. As a seasoned professional, Banjo, I've got it covered. Along with the essay, I sent a six pack of champagne -- tall boys.

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  15. Will your name be on the piece? Is it going to be in the Shouts & Murmurs sections? I do read the NYer religiously, and not for the cartoons. Hope to find you there!

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  16. Good luck - but if it's not published in 3 months, send it to us on Altadena Hiker - we're a very appreciative audience. I'm giving it an 8.5. Learnt yesterday that in Italy, that's even better than a 10 (which explains the movie title.)

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  17. Exciting! I need to find myself a bookshop that has the New Yorker :-D

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  18. Gonna have to google that one, Bellis. Kaori, no rush.

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  19. Good Luck to you on this endeavor.

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  20. I cancelled my New Yorker subscription because I couldn't keep up with them. But I'll start reading again when (not "if") your writing's in it. I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

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  21. This is the ONLY reason to renew my subscription, dormant these past decades---

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  22. Good luck, Karin! When (not if) you grace the pages of the New Yorker, we want you to autograph our copy.

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