Thursday, April 7, 2011

No news is good news

If there’s one thing on which all the news outlets – left, right, center, north, south, over, under; PBS, PRI, CNN, MSNBC, FOX, KPCC, BBC, WSJ -- agree, it’s that we’re going to hell in a handbasket.

Given that’s the case, I’d like to suggest some modifications to the handbasket.

I want a double-wide, with air conditioning and safety features. Shelving for essentials such as deodorant, moist towelettes, mascara, spring water, scotch, and sunscreen. A compartment for my boxer’s Senior “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Dead” canned food. A compartment for my boxer (she won’t mind if it’s dark, she’s old and will sleep the whole way, but I don’t like to travel alone).

Then there’s the handbasket material itself. Wicker gives me waffle butt. I’m thinking something with upholstery and daisies.

As for electronic accessories, we can eliminate GPS, which would only say, “Go straight to, go straight to, go straight to…”

This just might be a cottage industry if I hurry.

34 comments:

Linda said...

Cushy.....nice!

Trish said...

waffle butt!

snert!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Everyone says we've been going to Hell in a handbasket for years. But we're still here. Until 3 billion years in the future when our galaxy collides with the Andromeda alaxy.

Ken Mac said...

what does that mean anyway? Surely hell is larger than your average Acme handbasket..

Bellis said...

I love your handbasket design - dog included - but it'll be a bit heavy to carry, won't it?

I always imagined a handbasket was a smaller version of a handcart, as in the kind the Mormons pushed through Wyoming till they reached the promised land. Maybe some of those with the smaller version took the wrong turning and ended up in ....you know where.

Katie said...

Helena Hahnbasquet is such a news slut!

Cafe Pasadena said...

That's been my philosophy lately as well!!! Thanks for the good news, KB.

Petrea Burchard said...

You're so smart. There's money to be made even in this economy.

Susan Campisi said...

Better hurry and trademark handbasket.

What about a compartment for Albert?

altadenahiker said...

Katie, I had to google that. Well, truth in advertising, I had to google handbasket (TM), too. I thought it was one of those things on a bike.

Susan, don't worry, Albert already knows the way.

Shell Sherree said...

Waffle butt? Perish the thought! I upholstered my crummy old TV trolley {behold attractive new bench seat for my kitty} thanks to a hot glue gun and plentiful supply of lavender/aloe vera spray. I've got your handbasket sorted, KB.

Jean Spitzer said...

Oy.

Glad to see you took Susan's advice re tm.

altadenahiker said...

Shell! You're well again AND you have a new post. Maybe we're not going to hell afterall.

Margaret said...

If you get to take your dog, I get to take mine, and if your's gets a special compartment so does mine. Are we there yet?

altadenahiker said...

Who carrys the basket?

Pierre said...

I'd rather take a slow boat, similar to the ones going to China. Your amenities would be included for the bikini clad crew. That would be females. Maybe males though, considering the destination.

Paula said...

I don't mind going to hell in any kind of a hand basket as long as I know that all those people from Celtic Thunder, Celtic Women, the Vienna Waltz Wizard and his entire orchestra, as well as that River Dance guy and his crew will all be there when I arrive. I'm convinced PBS lost their way a while back. Keep your money, send them your GPS units, preferably hand held...

Birdman said...

Hahahahaha! Smile!

Anonymous said...

I guess this is not the one:

http://youtu.be/iC6D2N4nylg

Neither is this

http://youtu.be/1EBw_da7BZk

Or this

http://youtu.be/z0nCRZNHGLE

D.

Banjo52 said...

Love that dogfood brand!

Desiree said...

Really, the dire predictions were so much more upbeat when I was a child

E.B. White said...

What were you, raised in a barn? Carries.

Cafe Pasadena said...

Basket?
I just know which lady carries the purse.

lisa said...

I LOVE it!!!
Thank you for the smiles :-)
Have a wonderful weekend!

Virginia said...

Waffle butt? I have it 24-7. Oh wait... maybe that's cellulite?? Meeps is begging to come to LA. Maybe??
V

altadenahiker said...

I was kind of thinking we'd each have our own handbasket, but now I realize some of you are anticipating mass transit. That's going to make the design more challenging.

Mister Earl said...

I think they're using some of the same materials to pave Fair Oaks as they used when constructing the road to hell. I see piles and piles of good intentions stacked up along the sidewalks.

Petrea Burchard said...

Isn't the phrase, "We're all going to hell in a handbasket" or "The world is going to hell in a handbasket"? That does imply we'll all be in the same basket, doesn't it? Like someone has put all their eggs in it and we're the eggs.

Earl, if they're just going to pile the stuff along the road I'm going to come get some and pass it out to people I've forgotten to call, or whose emails I never responded to.

altadenahiker said...

Earl, we'll never get to hell if you're taking Fair Oaks.

Petrea, I thought it was optional, as in, "We're going to hell in a handbasket," and it could be one or many, just so long as a handbasket was somehow involved. But maybe I didn't read the Terms and Conditions.

Petrea Burchard said...

I didn't explain myself well. I'm just thinking it means we're all going in the same handbasket, so your mass transit idea is a good one.

I haven't read the Terms either. I rarely do, I just click "agree." Maybe that's how I ended up on this bus.

TheChieftess said...

Hard to drive a double wide...just sayin'!!!

Anonymous said...

Do you think you are an angel with wings?

Nobody is. Just sayin’.

altadenahiker said...

Anon, your comment puzzles me. Just sayin'.

Pat Tillett said...

I think you're onto something here!
Really funny also...