Tuesday, March 22, 2011

This old house


My big baby of a house is wetting itself again. I can't tell you the unconventional steps I've taken to dry its bottom -- Plastic sheets, rubber booties.

Pass the powder while I continue.

I think with the melting of the polar icecaps and other uber-obvious signs of climate change, Los Angeles will become -- oh, god help us -- Seattle. Yes, you heard it here first. In a few years time, we'll all be eating fish chowder for breakfast and driving Suburus. We'll Rosemal the bathroom, drink Aquavit, and have an inexplicable urge to tour a Boeing factory.

We'll tell rain jokes.

What did the Seattle native say to the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Nice tan.

What does daylight-saving time mean in Seattle?
An extra hour of rain.

A newcomer arrives in Seattle on a rainy day. He gets up the next day and it's raining. It rains the next day and the day after that. He sees a young kid on the street and asks, "Hey kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How do I know? I'm only six."

34 comments:

bandit said...

Golly, but you're mean.
Please, sir, may I have another?

Linda said...

Yes but inquiring minds want to know if you'll be the new home of "Fourbucks"??

Mister Earl said...

Love the jokes. The "I'm only 6" one was also used for a bad NFL team. Seems a guy owned a dog, that he took to a bar (of course) and when the (fill in name of bad NFL team) scored a field goal, the dog went crazy running up and down the bar, barking his head off. "What's all that about?" said the bartender? "Oh, that's just because the ____ scored a field goal." "What does your dog do when they score a touchdown?" asked the bartender. "How would I know? I've only had the dog for two years."

TheChieftess said...

Er...the Chief bought me a Subaru the day after he got his contract signed for up here and we knew we were moving!!! Add snow tires and I'm gettin' around up here, snowstorm or not!!!

Just think of all those wild flowers that will eventually pop up Hiker!!! This too shall pass...and one day you'll be lamenting the fact that California is once again dry and brittle...

Ken Mac said...

couldn't tell that was a puddle, til I enlarged it. Thought it was your view through the looking glass, or a collapsed window!

Anonymous said...

Explains the sudden and unfortunate popularity of all things plaid down here.

JJ

Margaret said...

I like fish chowder. Bring it on!

Marjie said...

The only solution is to dig around the foundation and put in footing drains. It ain't easy and it ain't pretty. But being able to tell Seattle jokes? That's priceless.

And don't diss the Doughboy's tan until you've been a pasty white girl like me!

Bellis said...

I thought I'd gone to PDP by mistake - that's a very Petrea photo. But beautiful! My house wet itself too and my petsitter has been doing a lot of mopping up and nappy fitting while I'm in dry and sunny England. But don't worry, Southern California is in a 100-year drought and this rain is just a blip in the statistics. (OK, so I'm trying to cheer myself up - don't want to end up as Seattle, despite the coffee).

Pasadena Adjacent said...

Seriously;

My latest tweet

" File under OMG; leaning cinder block retaining wall fell on me while pulling out jade plants. Crushed two Trash Tuesdays. me/cats OK"

But I'm not. If I hadn't cleared the patio furniture I would have had my legs crushed. Mr V's returned from the studio with a borrowed jackhammer.

altadenahiker said...

Having grown up (partially) in Seattle, I've got another up my sleeve, Bandit.

Linda, I wonder.

Mr. Earl -- Seattle got there first.

Chieftess, now we need to outfit you in some Eddie Bauer. Margaret, too.

Kenny Mac, I think those are my window innards.

Marjie, I do have those. Giant pipes around the house. The gardeners blow the leaves in there.

Bellis, I'm wondering whose rain we're poaching. Poor Vandy was flooded out, and moved to higher ground.

PA, sinkholes. I'm worried.

Virginia said...

Southerners don't really get Seattle humor but I got most of it.

BTW, put your rubbers on ( you know what i MEAN) and go get your mail. Un petit cadeau is on its way. Slow snail mail so don't run out for about a week.
Hugs,
V

Tony Van Helsing said...

You should try living in Yorkshire, we are permanently soggy.

altadenahiker said...

Aye, Van Helsing, but Ah mun confess -- the garden, this year --she's wick. Ah niver knew such an a thing.

Virg, pour moi? You are toot sweet! I'll camp by the mailbox.

Mister Earl said...

Of course. Goes without saying.

Jean Spitzer said...

I love the photo.

Trish said...

I'd have to agree, put on your rubbers and go out in it, can't be that bad if the house hasn't floated away yet. ;-) speaking as one who has had 4+" of rain in less than 3 days and it is still raining now.

lol bandit

Marjie...tell me about it, I've got melanoma, I *should* move to Seattle or the North Pole so I'd fit in!

and K---perhaps you should install a 3ft layer of caulking around the house to make it stop wetting itself (and you, I presume). Might look tacky during the summer, but you can write it off as a moat if you choose the right color of caulk. and is that anything like spatch-caulking? ;-)

Kaori said...

I'm the type of person who stumbles over her jokes so bad that it's never funny. So I won't even try. I love yours though :-D

lisa said...

Truly, you make me smile!!
What a great post!

altadenahiker said...

spatch-caulking (def). Using chicken bones to dig a French drain.

Brenda's Arizona said...

Love the photo, even if it is bad to do so.

What do you call two straight days of rain in Seattle?
A weekend.

What's the definition of a Seattle optimist?
A guy with a sun visor on his rain hat.

(Ya can't work for Boeing without knowing all the Seattle jokes...)

Banjo52 said...

Good jokes. Very cool photo.

Terry B, Blue Kitchen said...

Nice. Although there's rain and there's "rain." Seattle gets the latter. When we were there last fall, our Seattle friends referred to some rain falling as torrential. To us it was the "I'm only going two blocks, should I bother to open my umbrella" kind of rain.

Trish said...

don't talk to me about rain...3" since yesterday afternoon here...just call me Siphoning Sweetheart and Bailing Bunny. Stepped out to let the dog out back for a moment, and looked like I'd been in the shower 1/2 hour.

daughter of a friend is visiting from Seattle---wants to go home, warmer and less rain there!

on the plus side, if anyone NEEDS water during your rationing week, I have plenty to ship!

wv: cessnomas....we folk in NorCal cessnomas on the rain thing! we don't want summer just yet, but this rain thing is overwheleming...

Susan Campisi said...

I'm glad I never got rid of my high-end Seattle rain jacket. I was so happy to leave there and move to a place with 9 months of sunshine. What happened?!

I just visited my Altadena house. There was a waterfall gushing out of the gutter. I stood in the driveway looking at the roof wondering if it would still be there in a day or two. Maybe not!

Petrea said...

Sending this to my Seattle relatives. The ones in Chicago know better.

Cafe Pasadena said...

That is one glamorous muddy pond you're fortunate to have.

Anonymous said...

Have a calzone and stay happy in the rain wherever, Seattle, LA, Rose Bowl or ...

D.

Birdman said...

Hahahahahaha! Enjoyed these.

San Diego Farmgirl said...

Isn't 'bring a jacket' the Washington state motto?

Sorry about your leaky abode. We thought we had the same problem until we learned it was a busted pipe instead. Oh ... what a relief. :/

Pat Tillett said...

that was so darn funny! The closing joke is a classic! I must remember it...
Love the photo also!

Virginia said...

So is it still raining???? Rubbers wouldn't be my first choice , but maybe by now.....
V

Rob said...

Rainy days may come. But alas, at least it is rain. So tired of the blasted snow.

Sérgio Pontes said...

I like this one very much