Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Speak Albert



I have an ethical and philosophical problem with certain commands, such as Come, Stay, and Sit. But I don't expect there's a better supermodel in the whole world.

They say, "Smile Albert," and I smile.



They say, "Give us the look, Albert," and I give them "the look."



"Lick your lips, Albert."



Yes, I'm a happy boy. But I have an inner life, too. Sometimes I think deep thoughts. Like, how can I get those tiny horses out of the TV. And, why can't I eat cat shit if nobody else wants it. And, why don't we spend the rest of our lives just playing tennis ball. And, why can't I take something out of the trash since you were just throwing it away anyhow.



And, how come, after all this time, you're still trying to get me to heel. Can't you understand, it's not going to happen. Not ever, not once. You could save yourself a lot of grief if you'd just learn this one simple lesson.

41 comments:

  1. What about some focus here!

    D.

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  2. I love Albert!!! He makes soooo much sense!!!

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  3. Fantastic - love your deep thoughts Albert.

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  4. Deeply philosophical Albert, now drag your arse along the carpet.

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  5. Speak Albert or Forever Hold your Bark!

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  6. Thor wants Albert to let him know if Albert ever gets you properly trained. And how to get those tiny horses out of the TV.

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  7. Ranger and Albert are twin sons of different mothers - separated at birth by a whole continent.

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  8. Tony, British labs have arses; American labs have butts. As in Sweet Butt, Silly Butt, Stupid Butt.

    Chieftess and Bec always take Albert's side.

    Trish, Marjie, and Paula, obviously the ball is in my court.

    Cafe, that's the one thing I never have to say twice.

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  9. Albert's so photogenic; no surprise he gets his way so often.

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  10. And Golden Retrievers have Fluffybutts...

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  11. Like many great philosophers, Albert has learned to tune out the noise.

    GG

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  12. Like many great philosophers, Albert has learned to tune out the noise.

    GG

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  13. You go, Albert!!!
    A dog after Sophie's own heart. Eating shit is the high point of the day.

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  14. Such a sweetie, even if he won't heel.

    wv: pygoop (something Albert would probably eat right out of the trash)

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  15. Who could resist those imploring eyes?

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  16. Albert,

    It's not the horses - what about the other dogs in there?

    squishy face

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  17. haha :D nice post!

    followed!

    http://www.daily-life-of-mxc.blogspot.com/

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  18. I'm howling over the cat shit. This is another 4 star KB. Dear, dear Albert. He's a dog and a "guy". The cards are stacked. Give it up.
    V

    PS and why is it Anonymous commenters always have focus issues???

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  19. Your animal portraits, with their whacked out depth of focus, are so bad, they're good. What your able to do with a snout makes me proud to call myself your friend.

    btw: ‎I awoke this morning from uneasy dreams and found myself transformed into a gigantic potato bug

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  20. I hate that when that happens!

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  21. The dreams I mean.


    wv: grapite-gets rid of bugs fast.

    Does your dog catch insects?

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  22. "One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in his bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug." --Kafka

    And that's before you've had coffee.

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  23. The absolute best dog I ever had was a Border Collie mix. Smart, sweet, energetic and wonderful. But the one thing she would never do, ever, was heel. For her, going for a walk (and we would sometimes walk for hours--I was a teenager figuring out life) meant straining at her leash, half choking herself. But she loved going for walks above all else. Oh, and as an aside, yeah, I'm not sure I ever got that life thing figured out.

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  24. Dang it, Karin. You beat me to the Kafka line.

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  25. Albert! Seriously, I don't know the answers to your questions because I didn't study philosophy. Boz wants to know why he's not allowed to eat grass at JPL when there's so much there and no one else is eating it.

    Boz slept through the night last night for the first time in weeks. Must have dreamed of giant potato bugs.

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  26. I love these fuzzy Albert photos. He's a deep thinker and a looker. A killer combo.

    A handful of treats dangling at my left side gets Tommy to heel - for about 30 seconds.

    Petrea, has Boz been sick?

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  27. Petrea and Susan...while most dogs DO eat grass when they are not feeling well (it helps them barf), some dogs eat it for fun and don't barf, some do it as a nervous tik and some, just eat it to annoy their parents.

    Susan---30 seconds, wow, that's a LONG attention span for such a pup!

    and Albert...if you manage to get your person (or people) trained, then you have really achieved something. I will never forget Mango, an aussie girl, who was SO proud she had "taught" us her parents routine. Good luck Albert, good luck!

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  28. Albert is absolutely precious!!
    What a sweet boy!
    Wonderful feel-good post!!

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  29. a cute boy, yours truly,Harry

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  30. Oh, Albert. People just aren't as smart as animals. Look around, boy, there's evidence of it everywhere. Sorry to have to break it to you.

    Keep your eyes peeled for goose poop the next time you're in the park. I hear it's a delicacy that's only available a few times of the year. *high five*

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  31. Susan, Boz may just be having senior moments but we haven't figured it out yet. He's going through a transition.

    Albert, dude, there is goose poo galore over at the Arboretum. Check it out.

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  32. You have your finger DIRECTLY on the pulse of our canine friends!
    What a cutie...

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  33. Albert sounds like a hippie anarchist to me. Probably a peacenik though.

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  34. Albert looks adorable and yes, he has deep thoughts too!

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  35. Dropped by to say HI!
    Saw Albert
    Winston & Ulura (getting old and a tad slow) both send greets.
    Just returned from Australia to find a section of the house being rebuilt.
    Long story for anudder day.
    Best to Phoebes also.

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  36. Just dropped by to say hi to you and Albert :-D

    Kaori (now from Tokyo)

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  37. This is much better for my bubble.

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