Monday, July 19, 2010

The Tenth Time

Cost Plus World Market is one of those nautical-themed stores where the inventory is wine, fishnet, and insubstantial furniture – tables made from sugar cane that you can lift with a thumb and index finger; patio chairs that end up in the neighbor’s yard if more than one guest exhales at the same time.

But they do have a four dollar Chard that is so much better than the two buck Chuck, the difference is exponential.

At point of sale, you and the bouncy-bouncy checker must endure each other, but, as with everything else in the market of the world, that’s usually a small price to pay. They try to get you to disclose some personal information in exchange for THE CARD, and I’ve passed on that. Until today, when I was told my two bottles of wine would cadge a discount.

So I gave the phone number and email address and in return I – paid full price. What ho? I asked, did you not promise a savings? Why yes, said First Mate Dave, look at your receipt – it says D for discount. Shiver me timbers, Davey, but I always pay this price; maybe you made a mistake? Oh no, said Dave, I charged you the price on the receipt. Avast Dave me hardy, I always pay eight dollars. Well, said Dave, I guess that means you always get a discount. Listen Swabbie, why did you make me sign up for a card? So that you, Dave said patiently, could get the discount.

I didn’t want to be the tiresome person holding up the line. I’m never that person -- I’m the person waiting behind the tiresome person.

So I stomped out to my car, realizing all they got from me was a fake phone number and email address anyway.

Choose your battles. And don’t choose them in a discount store. And don't choose them in a discount store when there's a line. Because, generally speaking, that woman behind you, the one balancing the sofa and loveseat combo in her left hand and the bottle of wine in her right? Nine times out of ten, that’s me.

40 comments:

  1. PriceLess. And I think I've seen that sugar cane furniture flying around.

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  2. (626) 304-9111

    WV.dishb@gmail.com

    "-)

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  3. An alternative market:
    It took two of us to carry the bench and table from the foreclosed bar next door. Nice heavy stuff; a little sanding and stain and its good as new.
    That stuff will be here until the buildings go down, and they've been here 100 years already.
    The cops? A polite wave and you're past the gauntlet.
    I love summer here. No footprints.


    WV: I "bedeco" my garden with used stuff.

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  4. ...a fake phone number...the lady in the line holding furniture and a bottle of wine... a nice way to start my day.

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  5. My fake phone number is my land line - I never answer it.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Fake phone and email--brilliant. Call me Opie. My brain is still in Mayberry, and I never think of such maneuvers.

    On being in line . . . while waiting to buy my ticket for "Winter's Bone" the other day, the guy ahead of me started complaining about the ticket price. I heard at least one F-bomb. He didn't take all that long, but he made me wonder yet again when it's safe to call a jackass a jackass and politely suggest that he go home and watch TV. "Never" both is and is not the correct answer.

    Have I digressed? That was my plug for "Winter's Bone." See it, everyone, even if you have to overhear a donkey on the way in.

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  8. Bandit, I'll bet it's beautiful. Banjo, stick around, I'll teach you stuff.

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  9. Oh my gawd. I think that's mental making material. I do so loathe the bouncy bouncy service personnel.

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  10. Last time I was in Cost Plus World Market, I was attended by a black woman named Midge. As in Barbies younger sis. You don't forget a thing like that.

    Off to buy tires. Must remember to get the discount first before giving personal information away

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  11. I've been a shameless Dollar Tree shopper for years. True, their merchandise is feeling the economic crunch, but I'm still like a moth to a flame. When they start carrying wine - I'll be the first in line.

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  12. So that was YOU way at the head of the line?

    WV: miceant. Doesn't this word look familiar?

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  13. I'm usually standing behind the ass of the pain.

    JJ

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  14. Oh I had that wine last week Matey! Not bad. Not good either but I can't afford good. Case closed.

    So you can give them a fake phone number? I would hold up the line trying to think one up!
    V

    PS I got some great looking dinner napkins there with the cheapo wine. I love that place.

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  15. Wine at The Tree?? OMG what an awesome idea that is. I even buy my reading specs at the Tree.
    V

    PS Our checkers don't bounce, they're too lazy.

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  16. Of course Cost Plus World Market cannot be trusted. Otherwise they'd call themselves Cheap Shit from the Philippines.

    Brenda, the reason I hardly ever hold up the line is that I know I'll never win.

    Virg, yo is on a roll!

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  17. OMGosh, V, you've inspired me. I just checked and we have one here in P-cola (actually, I'm still in NOLa - but that's another story). I'll have to stop by, I'll be thinking bouncy bouncy.

    wv nompin

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  18. First off, there is no such thing as a $4.00 bottle of wine in Canada, even if you make it yourself.

    Second off, the hassle seems like too high a price to pay for a $4.00 bottle of wine.

    Third off, tell me more about the bouncy, bouncy cashiers. :-)

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  19. LOL. We have to start with WV: anonsarm. Second, we'll break it down for you: anon-SAR-m.

    We'll be there (shortly,) we're on a (search and rescue) mission, and we're stuck in the (middle) of something more urgent!

    Next time you fill one of these things out try this: ahiker@worldmarket.com Many places have their web address listed either on the form or on the bouncy bouncy cash-register and they never once have noticed their own web address. Very funny post.

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  20. Where they demand our phone number at stores, I always say, "Unlisted. And I'm married and not looking." Men don't know what to do with that. Then for email, I say, "Huh? What? Oh, that internet thing. I don't do that." People are so confused that they just go away.

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  21. The only Cost PLUS I no around here is on the lower eastside of Pasadena. Always surprised to sea it's still open 4 biz.

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  22. Helpful hints!

    We have some for you, too.

    Recycle old corpses.

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  23. Made my day.....now I know I'm as normal as you are....we're normal aren't we?? Today is my day to get in a scrap with the government powers that be.....I wish there was a live behind me.

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  24. I'm also that person tapping my foot and muttering under my breath. (Except I've crossed the line and now mutter out loud.)

    So, what's the name of this not bad wine?

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  25. What does Cost Plus mean anyway? Cost Plus Aggravation? Cost Plus Embarrassment? Cost Plus Your Phone Number and Email? Cost Plus it Falls Apart in A Few Days?

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  26. PA, you've just got yourself a new nickname.

    Wayne, you already know. Midtown, I think I've got it. Marjie, you're more creative than I. CO, hello again. Having a nice summer vacation? ILL, I know better than to click on that. Linda, but you're the type that wins. Susan -- Oak Ridge. Or Ridge Oak. Earl, you're right. If it's discount, why not Cost Minus?

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  27. Oh for the love W.,bouncy bouncy doesn't mean tits....oh..... well you know!!

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  28. Oak Ridge? As in Oak Ridge, Tennessee? The home of the Manhattan Project and the Atomic Energy Commission? I'm not sure you should drink that stuff!

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  29. Your story reminds me that the other week I went to the bank to arrange that when a CD matured, they would move the money to another account. The fellow said, "Can't you come back when it matures?" "Well I'm here right now," I said. "But you need to come back when it matures." "You mean I can't go home and write you a note and mail it to you, telling you what to do?" "Yes. You can do that." "OK, so I'll write you a note right now." "No, you can't do that. You'll have to fill out some forms." "But I can go home and write you a note?" "Yes." "But I can't sit down right now and write you a note and hand it to you?" "No."

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  30. Oddly, Earl, I can top that. I got a notice that a CD would reach its maturity on XX date. So I went to the bank on XX date to cash it out, only to be told, that though the CD had reached its maturity, it wasn't actually mature until the following day. "Many people get confused by this," the teller said apologetically.

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  31. LOL! Yeah. That's called "Being confused by bullshit!" They didn't mention that your today was actually still yesterday in another hemisphere.

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  32. Loving all this intercourse (as in the old meaning of the word). I actually like CostPlus as it has English and German food that I miss, like real Heinz baked beans. The wine consultant is Joe Coulomb, as in
    Trader Joe, and he knows his stuff. Must try Oak Ridge Tennessee, the wine that glows in the dark.

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  33. So when a CD reaches its maturity these days is it CostPlus .5% or CostMinus the transaction fee?

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  34. Your Cost Plus sounds wacky. Good idea with the fake info though; I'll definitely use that. I haven't been to a CP in a while, although I'll freely admit I used to go there to score Nutella before it was widely available. Paula has the right idea to look out for wine at the Dollar Tree. There's a dollar store near my mom that gets decent wine from Sonoma, Napa, etc. so she buys $12 cases for me when there's something good.

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  35. I guess it was the gold card you signed in. You should know it’s not CostLess.

    DAYo.

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  36. Your writing is good ... and we are all a part of the struggle for a higher market share.

    DAYo.

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  37. I bet you went right home and cracked open that bottle of Chard.

    I must confess I held up a line at Rite-Aid last night. I got a 24-roll package of TP and the cashier said there was another one on sale and would I like her to get that one instead? "Ummm... okay." She got it, and then we had to wait for the manager to cancel the first sale... all this while a guy two customers behind me held 3 ice cream cones.

    Bad, bad karma.

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  38. Earl,
    So old CD's mature and you can get money for them? Hells Bells I've got a lot of em I'm sick of listening to. So I take them to the bank?? Who knew! :)

    And W, for the love. Nothing is too big of a hassle for a good 4 buck vin!!

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  39. I'm very late to this one. But since I'm in a Bay Area mood I'll just say I think the first Cost Plus was in San Francisco at Fisherman's Wharf. I lived in Berkeley during the summer of 1969 (yup!). I was 14, and my sister and brother were 12. We were totally unsupervised. We'd hop on the BART most days and head in to San Francisco and explore, mostly around the Wharf. I loved Cost Plus, and found myself enchanted by the imported treasures there. I don't remember wine or lines or sugar cane furniture, but I do believe I gave out a fake phone number or two.

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  40. Great account . . . that is SO me. I had a meltdown in Party City one day when I was planning my wedding. And in Target a few times. And at the bank yesterday. When I feel like there is injustice (even if it's 25 cents), I can't handle it. And, asking me for my phone number at the register? Don't even get me started.

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