Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Dinner

“You’re going to do what?” he asked.

“Spatchcock a chicken. Just make sure you’re hungry.”

I found the instructions online. Actually, I found the word online and was so enamored with the idea of performing a spatchcock on anything – me, him, the wall, strangers – that I was rather relieved to find all it involved was a hot oven and poultry.

The instructions stressed patience, as basically what you do is debone a chicken and roast it flat. I blame my cutlery. The knives have lost a step or two, they moonlight as gardening implements . After an eternity of minutes hacking at an immoveable backbone, I threw caution to the wind and improvised with two river rocks and a hammer.

We had dinner at Jack in the Box tonight. I think $1 for two tacos is a pretty sweet deal.

Update by popular request. You'd think this would turn anyone vegan, but note the gnawed leg.

42 comments:

  1. Don't use that word around Virginia. She'll get crazy ideas.

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  2. Love your writing...'two river rocks & a hammer"...interesting visual.
    Just finished listening to Julia Child's My Life in France...Horrible reader, entertaining book. She would of loved this post, although not necessarily finishing up at 'chez Jaque'.

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  3. Well, I'm gonna eat at 5 restaurants for lunch today. Done!

    So, yes, I made sure I was hungry. It was all good to wunderful.

    I found after all that eating I did not feel like an overstuffed turkey. Good!

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  4. Pliers work well, KB. But it's hard to go past $1 for 2 tacos.

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  5. Here's the secret they never tell you: Wrap the chicken in plastic and drive over it.

    GG

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  6. I will NOT! Well there have been a couple of men in my life I"d like to spatchcock, but .......
    V

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  7. Wow, I remember getting it on in a kitchen once, but I don't think anyone got harmed - we just bumped the switch and turned the gas burner on high. But his anatomy survived...

    Are you sure you didn't make this 'cocky' word up?

    WV: cheway. Is that you would have had to do had chicken been cooked?

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  8. Brenda, I actually did cook it. I was going to post a picture of fantasy (recipe illo) vs reality (my chicken), but it really did look like roadkill.

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  9. i want a pic of that spatchcock. Must be a mess! (The graffiti is a plaque)

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  10. I've always wondered how those pictures in cookbooks come out looking so fabulous and have always suspected....plastic!!!

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  11. Two tacos for a buck, one library wing for eleven million. I bet there are more people at Jack in the Box.

    For sure, a curious word, that spatchcock. I'm suprised "he" showed up, especially if you're running around with two river rocks and a hammer.

    Great humor once again, AH.

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  12. We were on the road this weekend and I also had 2 tacos from JITB yesterday. I love them! I have no idea what that meat like stuff is, but I love them anway.
    I'm going to make it a goal to use "spatchcock" in a sentence today.
    great post!

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  13. I should have warned you that "Come round tonight and help me spatch a cock" is not the best chat-up line.

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  14. I'm pretty sure spatchcocking is illegal in 48 states. Naughty stuff...

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  15. on't knock it til you've tried it!!!

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  16. Ha! You're so refreshing.

    Personally, spatchcocking anything sounds like way too much work or me.

    Hugs,
    Carolynn

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  17. I knew you guys wouldn't let me down.

    Ken Mac, be careful what you wish for.

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  18. Next time try picking up a bird from Zankou. Less stress and a goofy name.

    btw: so true, much of my cutlery shows up in the garden

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  19. i nearly dropped my laptop reading this post. spatchcock? seriously? I've watched entirely too much PBS cooking and they NEVER used that word. The proper, Westridge or Julia term would be, of course, BUTTERFLY a chicken! sheesh! am surprised you had anyone be willing to come over to your kitchen after suggesting you'd spatchcock anything for them, unless it involved spackle and dented walls.

    i am pretty sure I spatchcocked a guy back in the 80's...or, at least, that's his side of the story.

    one clue, get a knife, keep it JUST for spatchcocking, or hari-kari or deboning a bad date or an impromptu bris. keep it sharp. trust me, you'll thank me for this tip!

    as to the chicken...keep the flame low and slow, don't flavor with anything with a high sugar content, at least, until towards the end. indirect heat works well too. And for gawd's sake, stay away from JitB..feh, Del Taco's better than that mystery meat crap and I don't hold DT in high regard either!

    off in search of a nice sauv blanc to wash my palate out after reading this! ;-)

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  20. "basically what you do is debone a chicken" - at that point, I'm out. Good for you for even attempting it . . . any photos of the mess??

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  21. Do you have to choke the chicken before spatchcocking it?

    Brenda: The time you got it on in the kitchen -- was that the time you seduced your husband in the kitchen right before breakfast, and after it was over he asked, "What was that all about?" And you said, "Oh, the egg timer's broken."

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  22. I want to comment but I"m rolling on the floor. As a southerner, we love some "cooked to death meat". That update photo looks delish. I swear KB, you can make ANYTHING hilarious.

    Earl's a mess isn't he!!! Well, I knew that already.
    V

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  23. this is too weird. I've NEVER heard or read that word before in my life. I read this post this morning and commented. I just now got back from Costco, where I picked up a BBQ book and the page it opened up to was instructions on how to spatchcock a chicken!!!!

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  24. I've never heard it referred to as that before. You do need a very sharp knife, however.

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  25. Trish: Impromptu bris? Hmmm, I wonder if spatchcock is Yiddish.

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  26. Bris? Earl you said it , not moi. I"m a Presbyterian and we wouldn't touch that!

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  27. I love to see the correct implementation of tools and stones. And spatchcocking can take so many forms. Why, just yesterday I spatchcocked some bread dough...right after I threw the first batch away. In any case I've always maintained that, literally, cooking, is the ultimate contact sport: burns, cuts, scalds, bone bruises, foreign objects in the eye. It's dangerous all right...

    wv cunic
    I'm not going there...

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  28. You know what, even a wrecked chicken still looks damn tasty.

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  29. Oh please, Amy; it looks like someone vomited in the pan. (I'm not saying anyone did, mind you...)

    Paula, should we ever meet up, and I hope we do, let it not be in the kitchen.

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  30. Well, I'll give you the fact that it does look a bit regurgitated. Still - in this case, that somehow looks tasty. Or maybe I'm just hungry. I haven't eaten dinner yet.

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  31. Can I tell you what word I like? Babylonia. I think that's about the most fun word in the world. Don't ask me why. I just like it.

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  33. Mister Earl... yeah, you never know when you might drop a kid and need to have an impromptu bris..;-) dunno if spatchcock is Yiddish..and I'm NOT asking my rabbi! not sure I'd even ask about choking the chicken either!

    Virginia---Presbyterians need sharp knives too, perhaps just not for a bris. and I'd take you up on spatchcocking a few men I've known!

    and AH...it's been a month since I urped up my brains post surgery...am not sure I want to look at the updated pic of the spatchcocked chicken...burp!

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  34. Looks overcooked to me ... maybe good for your dogs.

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  35. I'm with Amy. I think the chicken looks delicious, even though it's a bit untidy.

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  36. PS The browned bits look so good that I'm resisting the urge to say something inappropriate like, "May I dip my bread in your spatchcock?"

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  37. I think you mite wanna try Vanda's duck instead. Dunno bout de taste butt at least it looks better than your chicken - which from your pic looks dead.

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  38. Wrong species, PA, but the essence is spot on.

    Susan, too funny. And CO, I tend to steer clear of eating live chicken.

    (Trish, you're right. Don't enbiggen.)

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  39. Mr. Earl does it again. What does PETA say about choking chickens?

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