Monday, April 12, 2010

Some say why, I say why not?



"The most ballyhooed effort is under way in Texas, where conservatives have pushed the state school board to rewrite guidelines, downplaying Thomas Jefferson in one high school course, playing up such conservatives as Phyllis Schlafly and the Heritage Foundation and challenging the idea that the Founding Fathers wanted to separate church and state." – Steven Thomma, McClatchy Newspapers

I was born in 1985. I’m 5’9” and 110 pounds in my stocking feet. If you doubt that, you’ve just never seen me when the lights are off and I’m in stockings.

As an only child, mine was a pampered life, most of the year spent at our country estate with my horses and spaniels. Summers I lived with grandmama and grandpapa at the seashore. I trace my love of entertaining to those Halcyon days at Malibu. Dinner for 2, dinner for 200, it’s all the same madcap, marvelous party to me.

In high school I worked hard at the usual occupations – coursework, cheerleading, virginity. I didn’t just say no, I knew how to say lots of other things too, like “You’re cute, but not now,” and “Maybe when my parents leave town.” That’s why everyone called me Sunshine.

I earned my doctorate in nuclear physics from Stanford, and worked part time as a Victoria’s Secret model to pay my own way. It wasn’t my plan to actually make a career in the sciences, but if the writing thing didn’t pan out, at least I’d have something to fall back on.

Needless to say, when I received the Nobel Prize for a genome theory I thought up while doing a little light housework, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Or a ton of bricks. As you know, all it takes is a vacuum and both fall at the same speed. That, in case you didn’t notice, was my mischievious sparkle deflecting attention from my enormous intellect.

I bought Microsoft in the 1980s. In the 90’s I sold Microsoft and bought Apple. I shudder to think there’s someone out there who did the reverse. How can she sleep at night?

I predicted the Nasdaq bubble, then the real estate bubble. Friends who do not call me Sunshine call me Bubble Dancer.

Let’s not look at history as, according to Napoleon, a lie agreed upon. Let’s just say history is a ladies’ and gentlemen’s agreement, with plenty of individual opportunities for us all.

41 comments:

  1. I adore you. Thank you for the rolling laughter and smirks. I needed that today. :)

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  2. I'm gonna have to start a Wikipedia page for you now. Who knew!

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  3. Such a good riff upon the quote.

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  4. Phyllis... is that short for syphyllis?

    And thanks for the reminder. I"d forgotten "the girls" could do that once upon a time.

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  5. I see a typo: in the "I was born in..." line.

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  6. Have your parents finally left town?

    GG

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  7. Wickedly good. The Texas thing as a set-up enriches it, but this could stand on its own. Fantastic restraint, control, deadpan.

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  8. You are spectacular!

    Don't get me started on the school books people in Texas. Jon Stewart had a bit on it recently -- it wasn't nearly as good as this one.

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  9. Remember, too, that for many many years people in Japan thought they 'won' the war. It is all in the telling ...

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  10. Too funny. Can I hire you to ghost-write my autobiography? Not to brag, but when I was in high school in Kentucky in the late 70s I had to thrill of boycotting an appearance by Phyllis Schlafly at the local college.

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  11. Ah, the school books...what of Alinsky and Ayers, the SDS and the Council on Foreign Relations?
    Nature abhors a vacuum...

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  12. Who knew! I like the "Nobel Prize for a genome theory I thought up while doing a little light housework"....gives you more stability!

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  13. Wow. Impressive. Almost as good as my history...although, I may have to do a rewrite.

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  14. Bubbles, my sista-couzyn, I hate it when you brag that you got the family smarts. Dang, sista!

    Oh wait, you were an only child? I knew mom always liked you better. Think I will go redefine the theory of relativity. We are relatives, right?

    WV: amush. Your posts leave me amush.

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  15. What a doozie. You are one funny lady.

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  16. Got any more of those pictures Karin???

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  17. I was hoping this would have something for everyone, Wayne.

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  18. This is fab.

    I'm getting to work on mine. It'll be glorious. What kind of drug do I have to take to make myself believe it?

    True story: in my late 20's I starred in an independent film spoofing Phyllis Schlafly. You may have seen me wearing the t-shirt.

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  19. I must admit, like Wayne, the photo caught my eye first!!! This piece definitely shows your brilliance!!!

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  20. I can't get past your photograph. You're AWESOME.

    And I haven't forgotten the cookies. I'll be in the secret lab tonight...Mwahahahaha!

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  21. You know how it goes, sometimes you can't find a thing to wear.

    So looking forward to the Hiker cookies. And P, is that piece on Youtube? Love to see it.

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  22. KM ,
    The Party is cranking up in the Denas in about two weeks. Be there or be square.

    I knew Wayne would perk up and comment on this one. Good grief. Cleavage seeks its own level.

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  23. Good lord, I said "perk up" ! HARRRRRRR Wish they would.
    V

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  24. I'll look for it on youtube. Meanwhile, be sure and click on PA's luscious link.

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  25. Not on youtube. I'm afraid what I've got is probably a VHS.

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  26. Shoot, you had me until the Stanford thing...

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  27. PS - I'm off to do a rewrite of my own. I LOVE THIS! Such an inspiring post.

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  28. ...I am sure you meant Berkley.

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  29. ...or if you spelled it, Berkeley.

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  30. I was very confused for the first little while of this. Then, the light bulb turned on. Or was it a bubble hitting me in the head. Anyhoo ~ hilarious, KB!

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  31. I knew the risk. There was one person and one person only who would know whether Stanford actually offered a degree in nuclear physics. And if I was wrong, she wouldn't keep her own counsel.

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  32. We seriously need to let Texas secede. Then we can move the border fence a little further north and keep those idiots out. Yet another brilliant, funny piece, Karin. Probably something you tossed off in your stocking feet.

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  33. This is so brilliant, I can't think of anything to say.

    But you had me baffled for a while when I read you were born in 1985. I'd better not say you look a bit older than that, stockings or no stockings.

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  34. Ok, Sunshine that was just brilliant. Such a full life. Is there going to be sequel?

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  35. Sigh. I told you. You are no longer allowed to pretend to be me.

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  36. I'm kind of pleased no one mentions my height, weight, and ability to throw a dinner party.

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  37. In that last comment, you just barely beat me to it . . . just kidding. Loved it as usual!

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  38. You were born when?? You have a doctorate in what? You modelled for...?!!!

    And yet you write sooo goddammm well.

    Well, I do enjoy your blog.

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