Saturday, March 13, 2010

Death and Taxes


We had a date. Not me and the sinister, brooding guy with an axe to grind, but me and his pimply younger brother -- the one in corduroy with braces and BO. In his case, I neither sought nor desired romance. Adrift in life’s bleaker moments, one might be seduced by the older brother, but no one ever threatens to tax oneself.

The IRS has an image problem, no question about that. You’d think anything so dangerous and powerful would carry an air of bad-boy sexiness. Then we might not mind the process so much, might even look forward to it, in a perverse way. But when the taxman commeth, he's not wearing a wife beater. Though Ingmar Bergman often featured the talented older brother, you'll see no film where blondes run through the fjords chased by an auditor.

In the Certainty family, only hunky death inspires poetry.

30 comments:

  1. Yep. He made me play Dungeons and Dragons las week.

    GG

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  2. If only it were an image problem.

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  3. Your opening paragraphs, they're a wonder, KB. Most of the time I get swept away at the end but this time I circled back around for another good laugh. We started our taxes today and this may be the most fun we ever had.

    wv hyper
    You have to have an income to get hyper about taxes...

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  4. I have recently entered the realm of an income that is not taxed!

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  5. The thing about taxes is that the more things we get for "free" from the government, the more we owe the taxman...

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  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuiaspFqEyc

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  7. I took your advice, Paula. I deducted the rest.

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  8. I think you should be grateful, both of you, to have any tax relief at all.

    Just be strong!

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  9. I just started working on mine today, too. I wish it weren't so complicated but I can't think of a better system, except one where somehow I slip through the cracks and still get all the nice perks of living in the USA without having to pay for them. Not sexy, but neither is death.

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  11. The tax man is your friend. I've been doing my mom's taxes today, and found refunds falling from the sky:

    Look at it THIS way!

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  12. Mister Earl,
    We need to talk Sweetie. Perhaps you can make things fall from the sky pour moi!
    V

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  14. Okay, let's try again.

    First, Karin this is tasty, tasty writing. So good.

    Next, I'm surprised Earl didn't link to this .

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hYpAYWqiwo

    (I can't decide if it's creepy or cool.)

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  15. Indeed!! We have a different season for this as well, KB. I'm glad mine's still a few months away...

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  16. Earl, that one's good but I couldn't get over the rug or whatever was on his head.

    Laurie, Youtube never fails to amaze

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  17. gads...how did you know I was scheduled to meet up with my accountant this afternoon? Must get off the web and start gathering receipts.

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  18. I love to read your posts; such good writing.

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  19. Al Capone may beg to differ with you regarding auditors.

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  20. "Hunky death." That might be a poem right there.

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  21. Thanks A. B, you gave me this vision of Al Capone in a blonde wig. Margaret, Dickenson or Sandburg?

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  22. Nevermind April 15, when is Tax Freedom Day from the DC Mafia?

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  23. Tax freedom day has been someday in May. Maybe it's June now!

    Yeah, we work 5 months on average to pay for all these taxes. If govt could get away with it, they'd like to tax us even more. Probably at least 11 months. These are "our representatives."

    Who said, "The Power to Tax is The Power to CONTROL!?"

    And, that doesn't count all the other people who are asking as for money - like the poor homeless down to the rich celebs.

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  24. That is a totally wacky photograph...I'll be back after I get over laughing at that 1st.

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  25. I adore my accountant, she's a dear.....I've got tax credits!!! and afterwards we walked off the stress by going up and down and all around the Venice Canals (Venice California)

    as of yesterday by 6pm, 2009 was accounted for

    yay!

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  26. I forget what a wife beater is. The old Stanley Kowalski undershirt?

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  27. Can't get that image of an overweight auditor chasing a lithe blonde through the fjords out of my head....too funny.

    As a Green Carder, the UK government taxes me on my earnings in the UK when I do any work for my old company over there. Then the State of California taxes me on it as well. So as I can't vote, I reckon that's double taxation without representation. 'Snot fair (and California's the only state that does this, but I guess they need the money.)

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  28. Blech. Whoever came up with this, relatively new, idea must surely have a special place reserved in Hell.

    I've found that the best way to get more money back from the tax man is to donate more to charities throughout the year. It's as close to enjoying a win-win as I've been able to come up with, under the circumstances.

    Although, getting off the grid is a mighty appealing alternative, too...

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  29. Carolynn, I like your ideas. Both of them.

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