Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Love me

Let’s take a shower, I’ll wash your back, oil you up, grease your stick, buff your rear. Relax, just think about injecting while I pump.

You’re looking good, real good, but how old is that rubber?

It was my fault I took you for granted. I thought you were cheap and easy; I couldn’t see the dark side -- the tough, mean, dangerous side. You’re a very, very naughty boy, and you’re exciting in a brooding, gray plastic and fabric kind of way. Now when you get all quick and anxious on me, I won’t laugh. You mean business, I'll tighten the strap.

If you promise not to run away, I’m going to treat you right, rub your front, blow you inside and out.

Anything you want, go as crazy as you want babe, just be nice to me. Don’t get over excited, don’t run away. From now on, mama’s going to pay close attention to her big bad wheel.

49 comments:

  1. That copy will definitely save Toyota. Submit it at once!

    WV: trouslam. I'm not going there. You already did.

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  2. They're right -- it's always the quiet ones.

    GG

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  3. The curtains are blowing about la fenêtre...maybe some waves are crashing on the shore...a Toyota is traveling through a long dark tunnel...

    wv forroto
    I ♥ my Forroto.

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  4. Between your post and Earl's comment, I'm speechless. And I can't stop laughing.

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  5. I'm weak from this one. I've got to regroup before I comment. I'll be back after my cold shower.

    But this i know.....W, acts like he's blushing, but don't buy it.

    Once Mr. E has had time to really mull this over, we need to brace ourselves.
    V

    PS May I predict a world record in comments KB?

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  6. A happy new year of the Tiger 2 U, South of Bama, Virg!

    KB, you had me getting all quick & excited until you said, "boy." I thought this was about one of your all-female outings.

    Butt, at least it's good to see what gets the Altadenasage away from his own website.

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  7. Can't wait till my husband reads this one. He loves 'your stuff'.

    WV: brainy. You??

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  8. You've gotta sell this stuff, Karin, even if it's to Penthouse.

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  9. I was going to wash my car tomorrow, but I don't think I'll ever be able to look him in the headlights again.

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  10. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/she-being-brand/

    Or page 24 in 100 selected poems.

    Not my favorite e.e. cummings, but good enough and certainly relevant.
    I think you have out-cummingsed cummings! Well done!

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  11. I knew I should have gone into advertising.

    I also knew you'd all rise to the occassion. (Think ee gets the prize though, Banjo.)

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  12. If not into Advertising, or Penthouse as Petrea suggests, you should've gone into the newspaper business!

    Missed your calling, KB.

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  13. Whoa...I think I'm blushing just a little bit...

    BTW, Biathalon is actually one of my favourite sports. Unfortunately, I have yet to see it aired on tv...those flashy figure skaters are media hogs. :o)

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  14. A writer who hikes Altadena
    Glimpses daily at South Pasadena
    And when Earl risque
    She'll respond right away,
    "Hey dude, can't you keep your posts cleaner?"

    Why should we bemoan and kvetch,
    When the rest of the world is a mess?
    On these blogs I am fond
    Of the "double entende"
    As it keeps us all posting, no less!

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  15. Oh you kid!
    Is that some kind of odd automobile vibrating device on top of the hood?

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  16. Fintippivot: Move to the head of the class.

    Dez and Sage, you get detention.

    Carolynn: biathalon, indeed. It's crazy strange. I'm with you on the skaters, tho.

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  17. I always buy female cars to avoid this kind of situation.

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  18. When I first read this post, the accompanying photo wouldn't download. I guess it was being modest.

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  19. I'm with Shell...I was going to wash the Fran Van today, but just can't manage it after reading this post. Well, ok, not without using the hose on myself first to cool off.

    and Banjo...you HAD to quote cummings?!?! ;-P

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  20. that's ok Trish & Shell, cars like it dirty. Dez, dammit, I missed my chance to say auto erotic device.

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  21. Thank you, but damn... wish I had thought of 'auto erotic'! Perfect!

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  22. Only one thing to say here: Three glass of champagne (or the whole bottle!)......for the biathletes!!!

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  23. I had fully recovered my senses...and then I read auto erotica....

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  24. Sage, I wondered if that would clear customs . . . . I guess you catch 'em all.

    Trish, was that a bad thing?

    Auto erotic device. Good lord, AH. Does your think-machine ever turn off?

    There you go, Sage. I've teed it up for you. I don't know how exactly, but I'm sure I have.

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  25. I think I read in a poetry magazine that cummings was washing his woody when he got the idea for that poem.

    Auto erotica: Back in 1966 a photo appeared in Paul Krassner's Realist. It was of a small car with the legs of a man lying under it protruding from under the front bumper. The caption: Autoeroticism.

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  26. k-oh jeez!

    Banjo..no, not bad just...oy!

    auto erotic..oy flippin vey!

    I drove past the car wash this afternoon and nearly drove OFF the road I was laughing so hard thinking about this post and responses---and THEN had to explain it to the friend in the car with me...sigh.

    you have succeeded in making 2 of us nearly pee our pants laughing!

    game-set-match

    and I am not kidding WV: unfairim...Hebrew plural of unfair? ;-) t'was unfairim of y'all to make us nearly pee our pants this afternoon!

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  27. Yup. Auto erotic and now I'm chortling again.

    We're all so mature.

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  28. Oh, yeah, right, use your provocative innuendo to distract us from the real, important issues of the day-Tiger Woods and John Edwards.

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  29. Oh well how can I choose my fav here? "rub your front....or blow you inside and out?" KB, for the LOVE! Back to the shower, back to the shower, back to the shower. Is this by any chance BLOG PORN? Just asking.
    V

    AND MY WV is .............squezza. I rest my case.

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  30. Ah Virg, I don't think the object in question has a chance in films. Not with that spare tire.

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  31. Hmmm. I think we need to get you out more often.

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  32. Darn it. I keep forgetting to sign out of my daughter's account. Sorry.

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  33. I had to re-read everything. Post, comments and all. No one has said "hot rod" and I can't think of a clever way to use it in a sentence.

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  34. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  35. What a hot piece! (of writing!)
    I couldn't believe this - VW: moterev - will your moter rev forever??

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  36. This one is like the gift that keeps on giving KB. Everytime I read it, something else makes me fall out. "Grease your....." I can't even type it! :)
    V

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  37. Virg: We are talking about how to treat a car here!

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  38. I can't stop blushing AT ALL!
    Banjo52, I didn't even know you liked e.e.
    So Aladena, have you torque it up
    real tight yet? (my turn to be immature!)

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  39. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeFSu7NWXBs

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  40. I meant AlTadena, not my mispelled word. I am still typing two finger style... and it is NOT fun. Somethings you can do with two fingers...
    but typing isn't one of them.

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  41. Another two glasses of champs for the SUPER G and the Cross Country!

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  42. Oh, really? I didn't know......I just thought...well....Lord HAVE MERCY, my mind's in the gutter and you're all right there with me!
    V

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