Monday, December 7, 2009

Homesick


Admittedly, my house needs a little work. Some roof patching; perhaps a whole new roof. Lateral sewers. Then there’s the cosmetic stuff. The three-foot hole in the drywall by the bedroom that occurred when – well, I don’t think I’ll tell you how that happened. And about the kitchen remodel, we won’t be breaking ground during this administration.



One may think dogs, or children, or even grown men and women whine, but that’s nothing compared to the irritating, insistent, incessant sniffling of a house. “My head hurts, I’ve got a draft, My feet are wet, There’s a pest in my pants.” Wah, wah, wah.



Dear God, why did I ever leave the league of renters? Sure, I felt pretty smug about it three years ago, when my house had appreciated four-fold in 6 years, but that unfolded one quick year later.

It’s true, if you lock in your mortgage, the basic monthly rate never goes up, but everything else does. Insurance, taxes, utilities. And you get the added bonus of personally dealing with termites, dry rot, paint, plumbing, and the band of merry thieves each problem spawns. And it never ends, I tell you, it never fucking ends.

Albert the Lab got one of his semi-annual bladder infections, so I called the vet and asked to renew the antibiotic prescription. They agreed, but only if I collected and delivered his urine sample. For a dog that doesn’t usually care where he slings his pee or who knows about it, he got strangely shy as I chased him around the yard with a Merry Noel teacup.

In between rounds, I took a seat on the back steps, the ones that are in need of some carpentry and reinforcement. I thought about all the other things we chase in life that we really don't want. We chase them because someone told us to, or we didn’t have time to think it through properly. I’d put a high-paying stressful job in that category. And to that, add a devastatingly handsome husband or two, Labrador piss, and a small circa 1923 house.

41 comments:

Julie said...

Yeah, I junked the ownership route in 2005 and have not regretted it since. Well, maybe a tidge every time I have to move, but hey, initially I welcomed that concept as freedom.

Anonymous said...

Get yourself a joiner and dogcatcher,……or something!

-K- said...

Please stop making me think as I laugh.

(Really, tho, this is one of your best.)

pasadenaadjacent.com said...

Two husband(s)? Really? Devastatingly handsome doesn't surprise me. You do keep your cards close to your chest.

Re: cabin....that's the one

Carolynn said...

Oh boy, do I hear you! I just got assessed a whopping $30,000 for work we have to do to our condo complex because of water egress. *sigh*

A devastatingly handsome husband OR a high paying job might take the sting out of it. I'd take either really, at this point.

Paula said...

I don't think they'll be featuring this puppy on The Tiny House Blog anytime soon. They're more about completion...I'll bet it was swweet and cozy when it was all of a piece, though.

I can't comment on the house repairs, I'm kinda numb on that subject.

Mister Earl said...

Dog pee in a cup to things we chase because we're told to. I'd never thought of it that way.

"Darling, I realize that this marriage is just dog pee in a cup."

Karin, you poor dear. I knew Altadena was not quite South Pasadena, but I had no idea about the house.

So how do you get a dog to pee in a cup?

altadenahiker said...

You folks are so spoiled. My house has lots of natural light, and there's nothing that a few nails and some putty won't fix.

I am thinking of taking up a collection for Carolynn, however.

BANJO52 said...

Stressful jobs. And now it sounds like a stressful day, or a few. Is it too early to feel stressed about the jolly, silvery, hoe hoe hoe holiday season? Tell me when I get to. But if you wait too long, you may have to chase me around with a tea cup.

Cafe Pasadena said...

So, how's the weather today in Norway?

Shanna said...

Not just a cup, but a Merry Noel cup.
This post plus Margaret's re: Luck have me thinking. Am I missing some point? I am lucky with owning houses - and make $$ without really trying. So maybe I should just put some paint on my house instead of on those canvasses that have been sitting there ??

Virginia said...

GIrl, I hear ya. I just figured out the other night that the reason I awaken in the night and can't get back to sleep for hours is usually..............money stress for the most part. It's all a trade off KB, just a trade off.
V

Virginia said...

And may I propose a merry Noël toast to our dear, dear friend Albert? Cheers!!

Mister Earl said...

V: Can't sleep? Call the South Pasadena Sandman!

AH: Is it kind of like milking a cow? ... shudder....

V: No toast for Albert until we test what's in that cup!

Petrea said...

I like the metaphor, though I've found comfort in my house--so far. I suppose if the roof came crashing in tonight I'd wish it were someone else's responsibility.

altadenahiker said...

Does that mean you'll all be refusing my eggnog if I serve it in Merry Noel cups?

Desiree said...

Oh. My.
All right, it's cold, and it's December. Mix yourself a hot toddy, light the kindling, visible in every photo, and sit back and enjoy the burn--

Petrea said...

That cabin--think about it. That's a real log cabin, innit? I mean jeez louise.

Margaret said...

I'm just going to say that this is an awfully clever piece of writing. The sniffling house and it's complaints is especially unique. Well done.

bandit said...

Yah, looks like a cabin up nort' to da lake, dere.

Once I mended some drywall in a rental where a coed's butt had, "made an imprint" in a wall.
I cut out the piece and saved it for the student living there.
Art comes in many forms.

Go ahead. Ask me anything about drywall.

altadenahiker said...

Bandit, let's talk. You could walk me thru this repair long distance and we might have an interesting post, ja?

Brenda's Arizona said...

I don't know whether to rescue you or Albert.

Cafe Pasadena said...

Agree, she is very clever, MF. I feel for Albert deLab & Phoebe deBoxher as they try to keep her as their live-in servant. Can you believe she complains about their doggy house?

I can tell you it's not ez for us K9s to keep a homo sapien for a servant, or a pet.

Paula said...

Bandit,
What's the best way to hang mirrors and photos on drywall?

wv matediti

Shell Sherree said...

Oh, KB, thank you~ I laughed and laughed and laughed ~ and I won't tell you what I did when I read about Albert and his Merry Noel teacup. Then I felt bad at laughing ~ perhaps you can try not to make us laugh when describing your misfortunes?

bandit said...

Ja! You betcha, KB.

Mirrors and drywall, huh?
Ain't that the kinda 'ting that got the 'hiker in the trouble in the first place?
I mean, just look at the place...

Anonymous said...

I have to admit your post is awful interesting. Yeah?

Bec said...

Hmm . . . this is a timely warning. We just closed on our first house and began tearing out stuff.

B SQUARED said...

The house is a wonderful fixer-upper. Santa has numerous entry points and the air is always fresh. It's the perfect home for any 'Yuppie' couple starting out (or finishing up).

Anonymous said...

CP: I can tell you, it's not easy for anyone here!

altadenahiker said...

If thinking of selling your home, ask for B Squared by name.

Lincoln Castricone said...

Love the house, especially what you did with the deck! Oscar Wilde opined that the gods torture us by giving us what we want.

What's this about stressful, high paying jobs?

I'd give a lot to have been there watching you chase the lab with a tea cup.

Virginia said...

Mr. E,
Does the So Pas Sandman speak French? :)
V

I SWEAR my wv is WECUP. Albert , come!!!

Mister Earl said...

V: He speaks a more universal language.

altadenahiker said...

Thanks Lincoln. The deck was my own design. And E, what could be more universal and convivial than WeCup?

altadenahiker said...

For my photo artist friends, click on Lincoln's site. Some of his work just knocks me out.

Petrea said...

Ah yes, I've passed Lincoln's way before. Incredible stuff.

bitingmidge said...

If I may suggest a few colours to cheer the place up?

No... perhaps not!

Sunshine Coast Daily Photo - Australia

Bette Davis said...

What a dump.

Paula said...

I hear ya, Bette.

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