Friday, November 13, 2009

This Won't Take Long


I laugh really, really hard. Not just loud, but athletically. I don’t just laugh, I pound the table, stamp my feet, snort. Spew cocktail peanut and cracker crumbs across the table. Possessed and exorcised at the same time. Worse yet, if there’s the slightest suspicion that any scrap of humor was my invention, I bellow my appreciation to the clouds.

How wrong that is, on so many levels. Ever since I was ten years old, I wanted to be a quiet, sophisticated wit who could say something just killing, and acknowledge such brilliance with one raised eyebrow and that little half smile. You know the one – that cool little twist to the lips, like an Emma Peel or James Bond. “So, my dear, you [insert deadly humor], isn’t that true?” [eyebrow lift, lip twist.]

Instead, I’m all gums and long teeth, braying and spraying, regardless of the company, regardless even of what I’ve said. Sometimes I’ll give myself a round of applause as friends look on in amazement.

Brevity isn’t the soul of wit, you can have one without the other. Still, it’s a start. My humor is not a stiletto, able to reach the heart with one lethal jab. Mine is a larger instrument, an axe with a loose handle, that when swung, tends to break all the jelly jars at once. But you've got to admit, it’s over quickly.

32 comments:

Paula said...

You must have watched Craig Ferguson last night, his impression of Sean Connery as a nude artist's model, something about having enough of the color purple, and then you blew out your TV screen?

wv witice

Paula said...

It's your birthday, or there abouts? Who knew? I know, I know, you couldn't or wouldn't say. Mine is coming up soon but who wants to blab about it and look like they're self-promoting?? Still, Happy Birthday and cheers to you, Karin! I hope you are having/had a great day celebrating (uh, mine's the 24th).

Anonymous said...

I don’t know what to say about this one:

I’m sorry, my book-keeper has passed away, you know.

I couldn’t recall that number, and advanced math didn’t help me either.
I’m not that good after all!!

Anyway, I wish YOU a HAPPY B-DAY, when ever it is!!!

Is it????

Remember: You are wonderful!!!!! :- )

altadenahiker said...

Thank you everyone for your nice wishes via comments and email today. I even got several gifts in the mail from people I met on this very blog and theirs. Gee whiz. I'm pounding the table and stomping my feet. Who says crime doesn't pay?

Wayne said...

I'd noticed that the 'sophisticated thing' hadn't worked out but I didn't want to say anything.

But you make me laugh Karin and that's all I care about.

Margaret said...

If you are telling me that I am not subtle and slow -- because, this being your blog it must all be about me -- than I will take that because I would not change one thing about your wit. You always make me laugh. And I say that with no raised eyebrow or half smile.

Virginia said...

"Exocised and possessed at the same time." That's perfect. I am a guffawer myself (is that a real word?). I think laughter is the most wonderful sound in the world. Never ever stop KB. When you stop laughing, it's over. You make me holler, bellow, chuckle, hee haw on a daily basis. Thank you for that.
V
PS Happy To You!!!

Terri said...

It's over quickly, but do you then clean up the mess?

Your birthday?? Hope you are having a wonderful day!

Laurie said...

We're definitely from the same tribe, sistuh! Can't wait to pound tables and spew with you very soon.

And hooray for this day that brought you into the world! You enrich it by being YOU. Fabulous you.

BANJO52 said...

Happy Birthday! Surely there were comments in childhood or later about the 13th?

I think your wit is close to stiletto in quickness, but it is, graciously, not so deadly. And it sure ain't no axe handle, loose or otherwise.

bandit said...

ooooohh-Emma Peel!!

What?

Anonymous said...

Hey, what happened to all my jelly jars?

HB
GG

Shell Sherree said...

Oh, Happy Birthday, KB!!! I hope you celebrated with plenty of what you described here. I'd feel honoured to ever be able to feel your guffaws and dodge peanuts and crumbs in person. {All laughter is good!!} Mine starts out aloud but when it really gets to me, it ventures inside and becomes the noiseless laugh with tears rolling down my face {which can lead to some confusion when people don't know me...}

Have a wonderful birthday night, what's left of it, KB.

Cafe Pasadena said...

I've learned to speak softly whenever you're nearby. If I were to purposely say something funny I'm afraid you could explode in a vomit, of laughter.

(Anyways, I already said my H-B regards on yesterdays post)

Anonymous said...

Why don’t make it just easy:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, KARIN!

AmyR said...

You know that whole laughing is good medicine bologna? Actually not a load of bologna at all. (Do you say bologna or baloney in this context? No idea). Anyway, laughter = good.


And it's your birthday? Happy Birthday!

Mister Earl said...

I don't believe I've ever seen one of your laughter explosions, Karin. I wonder if there just hasn't been anything funny going on. I will say that some of the greatest compliments I get are when someone emails me, "You just made me spray Diet Coke all over my monitor!"

Now I'm going to say Happy Birthday again, not because I haven't already said it to you today, but because I don't want all these other people to think...well, you know...

Virginia said...

Mr. Earl,
She makes me spew wine, cheap wine at that.
Thanks for the BDay tip off! :)
V

Petrea said...

It is? Happy birthday! Dayum! I'm writing it down. There. I have it for future reference.

Your snicker/snort/guffaw is one of your many charms. I'm always glad to hear it. The thing is, you make the rest of us snicker/snort/guffaw, too.

Terry B, Blue Kitchen said...

The last paragraph had me laughing in a most unladylike fashion, Karin. Which is good, since I'm a guy. "An axe with a loose handle." Brilliant!

Bellis said...

Hope the dogs gave you presents? Do they go crazy when you laugh, joining in?

pasadenaadjacent.com said...

I like that you laugh loud and hard

-K- said...

"...Sometimes I’ll give myself a round of applause as friends look on in amazement."

Okay, now it's my turn to spit soda crackers, bray and stomp my feet.

(how'd those soda crackers get in there?)

WV - shypo)

Ken Mac said...

now that I'd like to see MS Peel

TheChieftess said...

AH...thank you for bringing out the guffaws, spews, and general mirth in me!!! You are a delightful writer. And another Happy Birthday to you!!!

Anonymous said...

Laughs should be done together….. I think….double fantasy.

We lost this one.

Let’s go for the next one!

altadenahiker said...

Anon,
Please take the blog in the spirit in which it is offered. No fantasies here.

Thank you.

Shanna said...

I'm a bit late on this one. But HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Your blog (and comments on mine) make me laugh. Thanks!

Tash said...

Geez, if you're are not witty enough there is absolutely no hope for the rest of us...
Happy Birthday to the best wit in town!

Carolynn said...

I love your humour. And, just reading your commentary and personal critique, had me laughing. Don't change a thing.

Lincoln Castricone said...

I love this confessional. Since I've matured, aged, care less about looking good, I too have taken up snorting when merry! So freeing and humbling.

Mademoiselle Emma Peel said...

Snort!