Friday, November 27, 2009

Caviar Empty


Oh my god, I must look like hell. Sorry, but what do you expect? I spent the night sleeping around.

You probably saw the ads. WalMart, Target, Sears, they all invited us over at midnight to “camp out” next to our purchase of choice, and then lay down the cold hard cash in the wee hours of the morning. Camp out, what a quaint phrase. They meant shack up, but couldn’t say it in print.

You never know a man until you sleep with him; how true. The same, trust me, goes for household appliances. Oh sure, you might be momentarily dazzled by the Bissell Spray n Vac, but will it last? The Kenmore sub zero muscle-fridge ? Nothing like a little midnight camaraderie to find out whether that relationship should stretch to the next level.

Because it’s shocking really, how so many of us think we desire something, only to feel shame once we have it. That beige sofa loveseat combo? What was I thinking? All my friends hate it. Don’t even get me started on the stainless steel convection oven. Two words: obsessed and possessed, but then I was probably drunk at the time.

My advice? Think long and hard before you invest too much of your time and effort. Sample lots of appliances. Though initially you desperately crave that hunky industrial strength electric juicer, it may be the old fashioned reamer you take home to meet mother.

56 comments:

pasadenaadjacent.com said...

So it's not just me. When I saw the photo I too thought "old fashion sex toy"

Desiree said...

Fun, fun natural fun, and a naughty sense of humor. Makes me go back to your post on my blog and puzzle out just exactly what you meant about the plumber--and laying pipe.

Terry B, Blue Kitchen said...

I came here with a definite comment in mind, but pasadenaadjacent's comment drove it right out of my head.

Cafe Pasadena said...

The same, trust me, goes for blogger's.

altadenahiker said...

Yes PA, pardon me for being subtle.

Paula said...

Ouch.

altadenahiker said...

Et tu, Paula?

Tash said...

Is it a photo or a painting? I like the colors - reminds me of an artist but I can't figure out who. From Williams-Sonoma: Wooden Lemon Reamer - $8.50 - Truly one of the classic kitchen tools, this handheld, hardwood reamer is ideal for quickly juicing a single lemon or lime. First use its pointed end to dislodge the seeds from the fruit halves, then twist its ridged surface into them to extract all their juices. - hmmm... :?{

altadenahiker said...

I must say, this post has taken a most unexpected turn. Imagine Tash having such editorial content at her fingertips.

To think, it was only yesterday, on this very blog, we had a serious debate on the declining state of education in America.

Paula said...

This is nothing, as V about the emails I got after one of my posts...I'll never tell.

Michael Dulin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paula said...

Decline in education? What's that word Petrea likes, entropy? Does that apply there? I'm fuzzy on the whole entropy concept.

wv hookyslo

I'm sorry, I played too much hookyslo I don't know.

Virginia said...

Sex toy?? I have one of those; a REAMER that is! Gosh I just never thought of it like that Tash!! I should have slept with HP first. Now I'm ready to kick him to the curb and throw his sorry cartridges out with him. Perhaps I'll pick up that hunky Lex Mark and give him a whirl.

This was classic KB today. You just kill me!
V


PS Paula are you referring to Mrs. Robinson?

Bellis said...

Love the title! Thanks for the timely warning as I head out into the Black Friday scrum. I don't want a repeat of the indoor BBQ grill I was tempted to buy in Willams-Sonoma that's been sitting in a cupboard unused for the last two years.

altadenahiker said...

Michael, sorry you deleted. You're very funny. You delayed my run, which is something I always appreciate. And now, since you deleted, I must ... exercise.

Virginia said...

BTW, I'm so over the decline of education in this country. I'm enjoying the turn this post as taken . :)
Oh and I"m thinking some of the regulars haven't even weighed in here yet. Whooo hooo this will be a wild ride today KB. I'll check back. I'm off to watch my Auburn Tigers.
V

Margaret said...

Hmmmm. I don't know. The Bissell is very attractive.

altadenahiker said...

Hands off my George Foreman.

Anonymous said...

Dear, I hope you all had a nice thanksgiving day!

YOU are delicious. And know were to find me.

It’s still time here. It’s all your choice! Ah.

-K- said...

This was not only very funny but it also kinda sorta made me think.

Please don't let this happen again.

AmyR said...

Old fashioned is usually better. ;)

Petrea said...

I say if you're shopping at WalMart, Target and Sears for lovers you're getting your personal appliances in the wrong place.

Virginia said...

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places? Been there done that. Maybe a reliable printer will "do it for me"!
V

Mister Earl said...

OMG, look what I just walked into. I have to be careful, we're getting into a delicate area here.

I guess I'd have to say, that no matter what you use it for, that thing is a juicer.

So Karin, regarding your comment on Laurie's blog... if one were to tie you up and show you photos, demanding that you caption them... would you find that something you'd want to do, or not so much?

altadenahiker said...

This innocent post, which started out as a rant against consumption of the conspicuous variety, has gotten way out of hand. Oh my, even that doesn't sound right. I lay all blame with Tash and her quote from the pornographic William Sonoma catalogue.

Mister Earl said...

I've always wondered about Natasha.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBktJvOl9uU

Regards,
GG

Virginia said...

Mr. E.
Well my goodness! :)
V

My wv is DONST

Petrea said...

I'm sorry, Karin, who said "midnight camaraderie"? Who said "desire" and "shame" in the same sentence? Who said "Think long and hard"? Who said "industrial strength electric juicer?" We can't blame Tash for taking up the torch you lit. And quite well, I might add.

Mister Earl said...

Tash did it! Tash did it! Tash did it!

Mister Earl said...

Karin: On your shopping escapade did you happen to see a window squeegee? It's getting kind of steamy in here.

Paula said...

Mr Earl, don't they sometimes call you Speedo?

Virginia said...

How did I miss "long and hard"? And now Mr. E is SPEEDO??

I need to go to bed. Oh, even that sounds questionable. Well in my case completely harmless.

Bonsoir everyone. When I check here tomorrow I expect more of the same.
V

Shanna said...

So you ate a lot of turkey and that made you sleep (around)?
No. That's not it.

Someone put a lot of NUTMEG in the pie or was it the eggnog? Well, I can vouch for too much nutmeg. Did it once myself! So I googled it. A what?? Aphrodisiac !

A good reamer enhancer - or ...

Shell Sherree said...

The environmentally friendly choice. No need for batteries.

Mister Earl said...

Paula: They often call me Speedo, yes, but you know my real name is Mister Earl.

I like to water my lawn in a Speedo with bare-midriff tank top. And I don't even have a lawn. Do you?

Italo said...

Ok, post interesting. COmments interesting as well but...

Virginia said...

Sleeping around with major appliances. Did you put the "HO" in homemaker KB?

Nutmeg's an aphrodisiac? I'd better lay off the pumpkin pie!

Mister Earl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mister Earl said...

V: Lay off the pumpkin pie, but (dare I say it?) definitely try the banana cream.

Virginia said...

Mr. E, the very thought of you watering your non-lawn bare cheasted......no need for nutmeg.Whew!!!

San Diego Farmgirl said...

My wise Auntie Yak taught me years ago to avoid shopping for anything while intoxicated. Such a fine line between a perfect shopping buzz and regret.

altadenahiker said...

Oh dear. Guess I better not send this essay to Consumer Digest.

Paula said...

Mr Earl, you must be European.

Petrea said...

Just proud of his real estate.

Unseen Rajasthan said...

This is a post full of fun !! I Actually enjoyed reading this post !! Great Written Karin !!Unseen Rajasthan

Carolynn said...

Where are the pictures of the evening of debauchery?

Laurie said...

There was nothing old fashioned about the reamers I took home to meet mother.

Sigh.

Virginia said...

Bare Cheasted? It's been so long I can't even spell it. As Steve Martin would have said if he were French, " EXCUSEZ MOI!"
V

altadenahiker said...

That's ok, Virg. I thought you were elevating the comments with some Chaucerian language.

Virginia said...

Oh yeah, you can always count on me for that!

Petrea said...

What ho?

Susan C said...

I was shopping at Cost Plus yesterday and accidentally knocked down a display item. I reached down to pick it up and - no kidding - it was a wooden reamer.

Mister Earl said...

We know, Susan, we know. Did you "accidentally" put one in your purse while they were cleaning up the carnage? If you did, it's understandable. It's embarrassing to buy one of those things.

prairierunner said...

LOL so it's not just me either:) Great post!!!

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