To my mind, restless legs is not a syndrome, it’s a lifestyle.
Impatience rules my life, and always has. I have a friend who finds this highly amusing – calls me the Now Girl – and he’ll always try to slow things down a bit just to watch me jump out of my skin. Anything, everything can lose its luster if a delay is involved.
As a kid, I lived with a polar opposite. My mother was slow and very deliberate and precise in her thoughts, speech, and actions, and it positively made me scream. “What’s so hard about finding your key and opening the car door? Why does it take you five minutes to snap the purse shut? Are you really going to chew that apple for three hours? ”
What? What? Oh, I see, now I sound weird and obnoxious. Well, this too will pass -- quickly. Guess who enrolled in yoga?
The first yoga class was this Saturday. I showed up with a beach towel (who needs a mat?) and my $15. The plan: a little chanting, a little lotus, a little breathing, a little competitive contemplation.
Guess again; it wasn’t that kind of yoga.
You ever see pictures of the contortionists in India or in a circus, and it’s just fucking gross to witness a human body turned and twisted thataway? It was that kind of yoga. And I had sat my little ass right down in the middle of the front row, for all the class to see.
I won’t go into the total humiliation I felt after the first half hour of the two hour class. The inability of my foot to wrap around the back of my neck, my head to wrap around the back of my knee, to hold a pose, any pose for more than five seconds. To drink my vitimin water without drooling.
By the second hour, I just ended up doing a lot of backbends, regardless of the actual class exercise, because that’s my only decent point of flexibility. When I told the instructor I’d be back next week, she was genuinely surprised.
Sunday, everything hurt. Monday everything still hurts. I don’t know how you’re supposed to meditate, contemplate, think all these great thoughts when everything hurts. But I’ll find out. I intend to turn this yoga disaster around -- center my being and find my quiet place -- so fast it’ll make your head spin.