Sunday, July 19, 2009

Hey Big Boy



Albert the lab has really progressed in the courage department. Though still afraid of most household appliances including the coffee grinder, he’s no longer afraid of most men. His attitude adjustment owes much to Phoebe the boxer. Phoebe is boy crazy. Boy insane maniac crazy, provided the boys are of the human variety.

Given half a chance and opposable thumbs, she’d bleach her hair, paint her toenails, and sneak out the bedroom window for a night of gin and roofies.
Phoebe can play lots of games, but hard to get ain’t one of them.

Her crushes are not confined to the men she knows. For example, occasionally, some guys will come to the door, holding a handful of Snickers and a Xerox’d calling card, and they’ll say in a monotone, “Will you buy a candy bar to support our group and keep us out of gangs?” Well, Phoebe just thinks they are so cute, and will jump five feet in the air, inviting them into the house to play. “I’ll show you where we keep the silver!” she barks, in utter ecstasy of anticipation. Before I can read the card, and to her intense disappointment, the guys just back away and mutter, “Wow, nevermind.”

My plumber was here yesterday, and I had to rescue Don because Phoebe was trying to make out with him under the kitchen sink.

She’s an untamed heart, is Phoebe. Also a rescue, Phoebe just never thought the less of herself for it. I could have trained her better I suppose, but what’s not to love about an unbridled spirit -- unless you’re a plumber, or anyone else who smells of earth and sweat and can be pinned to the ground for an extended French kiss.

As the fearful worship the brave, so Albert worships Phoebe. He plays the queen's consort (if someone who licks her own butt can be considered royalty). And if she thinks men are ok (well, better than ok), then maybe so, but just don’t take your eyes off them. And don’t take your eyes off that ceiling fan either. It’s now on the summer setting – going counter clockwise – and this change from clockwise to counterclockwise has proved deeply disturbing. Maybe it’s the sound, maybe the shadows, but Albert slinks through that room, eyes glued to the fan, a look of dread suspicion on his long lab face.

He wouldn't cross the room for a million milkbones if his wizened goddess weren't barking for him on the other side.

31 comments:

  1. You're wonderful to provide a captive plumber for your lucky dog. Actually, despite untrustworthy ceiling fans, they both sound very lucky.

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  2. One of my cats, Muffin is also very weary of ceiling fans, even when they are not moving.

    Btw, you might want to rethink that second sentence.

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  3. Love this. I hear background music,
    "Un tame my heart.."
    (sung to "unchain my heart," of course)

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  4. Don't tell Albert that Phoebe is such a runaround. ;)

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  5. Another tuetonic goddess, Lilly Von Schtupp

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-pmpgrYQgs

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  6. Phoebe looks to be sticking out her very large red tongue at me. Obviously disappointed that I didn't show up at the comment door with a make-up bag stocked with "Maybaline Big Lash" and Revlon "Love that Red"

    wv
    patio

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  7. I know, Phoebe without her stylist is a sorry sight indeed. (But when pa does her make-up, she does kind of look like Lilly.)

    Desiree, TJ's was all out of cheap, er I mean, reasonably priced rose. Hope you stocked up beforehand; I didn't.

    Anyone got some rum punch? Amy?

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  8. Ah never mind me, I read "most men" as most of them".

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  9. My Ranger believes the couch is one of his inalienable rights. We're getting a new one so I expect he'll be in therapy for some time. Or, I'll decorate with a moving blankie. Hard core, KB.

    wv ventshi

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  10. wv silsilly

    I couldn't let it pass.

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  11. I'm here to tell you, Phoebe's been known to love on a woman or two as well.

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  12. What??
    P, what are you trying to say??!!

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  13. Love the one you're with.

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  14. I think I've made myself clear.

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  15. Plenty of rum punch for all AH!

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  16. "gin and roofies" ???

    I'm lost.

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  17. Phoebe is not a girl one takes home to meet mother.

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  18. And Albert de Lab is no human's butler either, as the pics clearly show

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  19. Phoebe is so nice and cute !! I Would love to play with him some day !!Unseen Rajasthan

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  20. I love those dogs!

    And this post. And you. Amazing writing about a wonderful subject.

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  21. Delightful, as always. Did I tell you Scout is taking an agility-training class? She can jump through a tire and over hurdles. We're very proud.

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  22. Those two have new twist on spooning.

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  23. TJ's rose--
    they were out of my standards last I tried, so I picked up a bottle of Albero Spanish rose, 2008. Such a beautiful rich color for a cheap (I mean bargain)dry rose. I was happily surprised

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  24. Oh my goodness, Margaret is bursting her buttons (figuratively speaking) and PJ discovered my upholstery secret.

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  25. oh myyyy. I'm lol'ing so hard I'm crying!

    where to start? dogs afraid of household appliances and ceiling fans. Ever seen a 95 pound lab levitate at the sound of a coffee machine?

    Poor plumber,didn't know what hit him did he?

    dog crushes are certainly real. several pups we know just LOOOOOVE girls, many of them despise men, or in some cases, girls that look kinda like men. Or the client who "forgot" to tell us their pup failed out of school for the blind b/c she'd try to rip men with dark beards limb from limb.

    I lol, but am watching two doxies at the moment who are being mesmerized by the fans summer spinning cycle.

    wv: elyphot...el-y pot? is that what they'll call the newly suggested taxed pot for profit?

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  26. Woof, woof

    WV technophobia

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  27. Funny post!
    Had to come back for the next...
    WV "denzone"(den zone) truth

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  28. Trish, client? What line of work?

    D: I agree. I've tried it. what did you think of La Ferme?

    How about Mid-Town Glockenspiel?

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  29. Your dogs sound absolutely delightful and I could picture them perfectly with your wonderful descriptions.

    None of my animals have been afraid of any appliances. In fact, one of my cats would go so far as to allow me to vacuum her. :o) She's long deceased now, although rest assured I know for a fact, the vacuum cleaner didn't do it.

    You're a wonderful writer. I love your voice.

    Carolynn

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