Two things: My horse had a fungal infection on her neck, and I was going to a picnic in the afternoon. So I dashed into Ralph’s for a couple of bottles of “reasonably priced” Tequila (they were just going to end up in margarita syrup anyway) and a tube of Fast Actin’ Tinactin. If you own livestock, you know Tinactin is the best thing for equine skin rash.
So there I was, in a long 4th of July line, and some of us struck up a conversation and found we had a lot in common. We talked about local trails, self-employment, movies, the state of education, blah, blah, blah.
Then it was my turn to put my prospective purchases on the rolling belt. Here’s the thing: Don’t you look at what other people are buying – at least, surreptitiously? And put two and two together?
Without thinking, I plunked down the jugs of Senor Something and the medicated ointment. Each by itself, perhaps, would not have made a statement. And certainly the statement would have been quieter had not the family-size tube of Tinactin announced its intentions in screaming red caps. STOPS JOCK ITCH FAST! SOOTHING RELIEF! I pretended to accidentally knock it for a one quarter turn. SPECIALLY FORMULATED FOR GROIN AREA. One more turn (as the conversation had definitely wound down) NEW ECONOMY SIZE RELIEVES CHAFING AND BURNING. I was scared to make that forth turn. What might it say? Have some cheap tequila while the penicillin kicks in?
I paid the cashier, but thought I’d offer my new friends an attempt at an explanation.
“You see I have this horse...”
Oh, never mind. I left quickly. I always liked Vons better anyway.