Monday, July 6, 2009

Don’t get me wrong

Two things: My horse had a fungal infection on her neck, and I was going to a picnic in the afternoon. So I dashed into Ralph’s for a couple of bottles of “reasonably priced” Tequila (they were just going to end up in margarita syrup anyway) and a tube of Fast Actin’ Tinactin. If you own livestock, you know Tinactin is the best thing for equine skin rash.

So there I was, in a long 4th of July line, and some of us struck up a conversation and found we had a lot in common. We talked about local trails, self-employment, movies, the state of education, blah, blah, blah.

Then it was my turn to put my prospective purchases on the rolling belt. Here’s the thing: Don’t you look at what other people are buying – at least, surreptitiously? And put two and two together?

Without thinking, I plunked down the jugs of Senor Something and the medicated ointment. Each by itself, perhaps, would not have made a statement. And certainly the statement would have been quieter had not the family-size tube of Tinactin announced its intentions in screaming red caps. STOPS JOCK ITCH FAST! SOOTHING RELIEF! I pretended to accidentally knock it for a one quarter turn. SPECIALLY FORMULATED FOR GROIN AREA. One more turn (as the conversation had definitely wound down) NEW ECONOMY SIZE RELIEVES CHAFING AND BURNING. I was scared to make that forth turn. What might it say? Have some cheap tequila while the penicillin kicks in?

I paid the cashier, but thought I’d offer my new friends an attempt at an explanation.

“You see I have this horse...”

Oh, never mind. I left quickly. I always liked Vons better anyway.

29 comments:

  1. Very, very funny. I hope your horse is better and your tequila made everyone happy.

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  2. The folks in line probably just figured you for an angel of mercy, for some itchy, thirsty friend.

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  3. ROTFLMAO!

    So when the guy in front me at Costco had frozen pizzas, beer, SlimJims, beef jerky and TP I shouldn't have thot he was single and wondering why?!?!

    And, your story brought to mind a song by Joe Nichols "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"...which, without clothes, things tend to chafe...and...well...;-)

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  4. That's one berry, berry, long horse's tale. My big K9 nose can sniff it all day way down Lake. And she's one berry, berry, trusting horse.

    MF, we have to give KB at least a passing grade. I mean, she did wait in a berry, berry, long line.

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  5. Would you like to make a small donation to fight prostate cancer?

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  6. Damn, that is hysterical. On a Friday night in college once I saw a woman who bought a large size tub of Crisco,condoms and a wire scrub brush. I have always imagined a fairly interesting scenario for her weekend.

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  7. Whats on the forth side?

    should have thrown in a couple of flea bombs and a snickers bar

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  8. I'm still trying to piece Laurie's together. Nope, doesn't ring a bell with me either.

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  9. Yes, Laurie's has me a little disturbed.

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  10. OK, I"m crying again. THat is soooo me. I"ve had times at the local PIggly Wiggly when I found the need to babble endlessly ( quelle surprise) about my odd assortment. The only constant is WINE, but I"ve been known to pair that with Bengal's Roach Spray and...... well never mind. I feel your pain. My question is does that stuff WORK???
    V

    PS Do you really have a horse or is that a cover?

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  11. Funny story here. I was waiting for someone to claim they never look at other people's stuff. Congrats to the momentous integrity on this blog.

    I turned your Sunday comment into a post--maybe my attempt at humor became too serious, at least potentially. But the question I pose does interest me.

    I pick the banjo a little--play along with CDs. I'm pretty bad, but it's fun.

    Your comment on thinking hard-- apparently no one else wants to either. I thought the posts could make good discussions or arguments, but no one wants to go there. I'm kind of surprised.

    Thanks for stopping in.

    Banjo52.blogspot.com

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  12. Laurie: It works just as well with a nylon scrub brush!

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  13. I once had a job for a shopping service. We would go to stores and buy stuff to see if the checkers were doing their jobs correctly. We had to buy groceries in several categories so that we could make sure that the checkers were putting them into the registers in the right categories. But the idea was to buy as little as possible so we could get in and out of the store as quickly as possible. This made for some strange purchases. Often I see purchases worth commenting on. Like a half gallon of vodka and a bottle of Excedrin.

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  14. Just one of the many reasons I love Virg is that she actually shops at a place called Piggly-Wiggly. One of the reasons I hate her, is that she questioned the existence of Vandy. (And therefore implied...)

    Mr. Earl, I don't want to know. (Ok, maybe just a little.)

    And Banjo thinks he can manipulate hiker/runners into responding. He's right.

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  15. Well, the fact that V is STILL shopping The Pig makes my jaw drop.
    Really, you still have one???? Absolutely amazing. I thought they were all gone, must be an independent grocer...

    I try not to look at what other people are buying. Usually, it's just godawful. What a lot of people eat should be illegal. No wonder there's so much disease. I guess not enough Tinactin.

    As for Vandy, she's a lucky gal, her mum will do anything for her, even buy her tequila and then say it was for a "picnic".

    wv nillsell

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  16. You crack me up - of course I look at what other people are buying and make up stories :) I was talking to a new neighbor in the driveway the other day and couldn't help sneak a look into her grocery bag to see what she's really like.l

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  17. LOL-squared! I needed a good laugh. Thx.

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  18. Bec, stop snooping out on de driveway & get back to baking & cooking - this old dog is getting hungry.

    Miss Virginia, it's the other way around: de horse has KB. Really.

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  19. Laurie, the scrub brush is for cleaning up the mess.

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  20. HA! I knew that the tequila was really for the horse!

    wv: copleg (wtf?)

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  21. I don't think you can make this up.

    It's "uncout"

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  22. EXCUSEZ MOI !!! So you've had a tequila swilling horse all this time and I didn't know?? For the love.

    And yes, PJ, I still hang out at the Pig. I have trois Pigs I frequent as a matter of fact. They even sell tee shirts that say, " What happens at the Pig, stays at the Pig"! Maybe I'll raffle one off on my blog. That could be a money maker.

    Laurie's comment made me 'holler'!

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  23. MG, that first one reminded me of a honeymoon. Mexico, lost luggage, temporary duds. Unknown to Him, "DRINK TIL YOU DROP" and a puking parrot writ large across the back .

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  24. I have to take my computer into the shop but I just wanted to say how funny this is.

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  25. Virg, here's the bad girl

    http://altadenahiker.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-other-horse-is-car.html

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  26. also reminds me of Armistead Maupin's commentary of wild SF gay weekends when he worked for the paper

    "...there I was in the Tenderloin with the jumper cables and the motor oil..."

    go where you wish with it

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  27. I once bought something at a drugstore and the cashier had to call for a price over the intercom, giving out the product name and size. I said to her, "Well, I'm glad I wasn't buying condoms. Do you have a code name for those, like 'party favors'?" She burst out laughing and said that party favors was exactly what they called them.

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