Saturday, June 20, 2009

Friends of mine

We never met Richard Feynman, he was dead by that time. Still, he deserves the credit.

I have known R, a different R, since I was 17. He was best friends with an on-and-off boyfriend of mine, a boyfriend I liked more as a friend, but loved enough to love when it seemed like the right thing to do. Anyway, this boyfriend shot himself the early part of this century, but that’s another story.

D, the eventual heroine in this story, and I met many years later, after I bought my horse. D had a 17-hand saddlebred, just about the only horse my Vandy wouldn’t cow kick. So the four of us covered hundreds of miles of trails, in blistering heat, in snow. D’s a short little thing, but she can stick a saddle, so was always around when I got thrown. She was also always around through miles of my boyfriends.

And I felt bad, you know. I had all this LOVE knocking at the door, and she was a bit on the lonely side. So I fixed her up with on-and-off, and the three of us went out. Instant dislike, no, that’s too mild, antipathy, antagonism, an-wehateeachother. But the one thing that came out of the meeting was that on-and-off challenged D (who is a finder by profession) to locate an obscure Richard Feynman video (Yes this was in the 90’s, we’re in video days).

Of course D found it, and gave the precious tape to me, which I carelessly tossed somewhere. It was my duty to turn said tape over to on-and-off, and I couldn’t find it.

How to tie this up into the great love story it is. The random universe that often turns cruel, can also turn kind. To show my penitence, I invited the two for dinner and on-and-off brought his friend R to the dinner, because R just happened to be visiting that night.

D and R fell in love at the table, even before the appetizer. Even before the wine. Madly in love, forever in love. Since that day, that day I tell you, they have never been apart for more than a few hours. They work, eat, sleep, talk, ride, travel together. They’re always touching hands. (I chide them constantly. “God, you’re disgusting. Give it a rest!”)

Oh yes, I found the Feynman tape, years later. In the trunk of the car I was selling, under an old saddle. To this day, D believes I had a careful hand in her great happiness. Uh-uh, it was a very careless hand.

But D would never analyze anything to that degree. With D, you're either in or you're out. Once you're her friend, and I know this for a fact, you can do no wrong.

(R got an absurd, ridiculously impossible diagnosis from a neurologist this past month. Fuck doctors. I believe in love.)


  1. "I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there."

    Richard Feynman


  2. No, that was true. This is sappy: A terrier followed me home on my run tonight. He is now camped out on my front porch. With food and water. And a pillow.

  3. You're going to let that terrier in, aren't you?

    Why am I hearing so much bad medical news from friends and friends of friends lately? Is it my age? It's been a theme for weeks now.

    Bless them, and all the strays that come by your place hoping.

  4. well, not ALL Docs darling...some are just DARN ugly...wouldn't f*ck 'em with a rented...well, anywayyy.

    Are you going to give the terrier a mai tai with a little umbrella too? How about a blankey and full DirecTV channels? Hell, that's better treatment than I get...sigh.

    And---P---am tired of bad medical news too but----I have good medical latest round of chemo is ending on time, things are looking up, numbers are decent, considering I've had poison running thru me for a month.

  5. Awwww. That's as good as any chick flick! Well done. I do wish R all the best. 2 surgeries this week for friends at work. Really sucks.

    Terrier's are very cute. You'd look good with one.

  6. AH, I just adore you.

    And Trish, YAY!!!

    (Please tell me that terrier is in the house now?)

  7. Nice story, K. Are doctors and love mutually exclusive? Who are these Anonymous people comin' around here?

  8. I wish D and R all the best. As for the terrier, it sounds like he's on to a good thing.

  9. I don't know Earl, but I don't mind a little criticism. It's useful. (Besides, how often do I get called overly sentimental?)

  10. No criticism intended, K. Just asking the questions. Doctors are a mixed bag. I have a friend who is on his 15th year after inoperable melanoma due to medical science. On the other hand, another friend came close to dying because doctors didn't pay careful attention.

  11. I'm so intrigued by couples like R&D.I saw a couple like them at CoH the other day. He was stroking her bald head. He would periodically burst into a belly laugh from something she said.

    I have a weakness for terriers.

  12. R&D...hmmm...research and development. C of H ... it all ties in.

  13. Make sure Terry knows who's running the show. Terry will love you all the more for it.

  14. I use the word "sap" and "sappy" but I wouldn't use either to describe this post.

    I believe in love, too. Sometimes I'm just glad I had the opportunity to love someone.

  15. Fuck doctors. The number one way to financial security.

  16. And, fuck them often! (300 points 4 PhD)

  17. I think you all are going to make some doctors very happy. They deserve some reward for all those years of study at the mercy of other doctors.

  18. Yeah Jean, wait'll they hear about this new club we're forming.

    WV: Bisesses. That's close to French kiss, isn't it?

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  20. Mr Earl,
    R&D (research and development) was the first thing I thought of.

    I'm delivering several prayer shawls this week, two just today; some for the impossibly, ridiculously sick, some so they'll know someone's thinking of them, and one for a new baby. Life is so complicated and so bittersweet and so worth it.

  21. "This is sappy: A terrier followed me home on my run tonight. He is now camped out on my front porch. With food and water. And a pillow."

    Yeah, that is sappy.

    Thank a little dog has never followed me home...I'd have to keep it. My cats would be pissed.

    Sweet post by the way.

  22. Late to the party again. Sigh. My heart goes out to your friends. You wrote a lovely piece. I didn't see the end coming.

  23. Mr Earl, hand knit prayer shawls. You can see one on my blog.

    KB, I'm such a mush, I couldn't say anything until now. The ending, like Margaret, I didn't see it coming. Girls and their horses.

  24. "what to say, what to say"

  25. I'm still finding my way in blog world, looking for blogs with good writing. So far, you are the jackpot--witty, terse, but you also have genuine content, heart as well as brain. And so far, this is my favorite of your pieces.

    Did you write professionally before leaving the calendar world?

    Have had a good friend from Altadena--we move in and out of each other's lives.

    I'll be back. And thanks.

  26. You are very kind. I visited your site but saw right away you were going to force me to think, so I will visit tomorrow.

    Do you really play the bango?