I may shun religion, but I do believe eternal life is right around the corner. At Sav-On.
Usually, the live-forever theories involve nutritional supplements. Amino acids, wheat grass, melatonin, flavanoids -- been there, swallowed that. The latest miracle is resveratrol, a polyphenolic found in grape skins, peanuts and certain berries. Resveratrol mimics the effects of an almost-starvation diet, and tricks the body into releasing a "survival" gene.
But hold off, they say, resveratrol is very much in the experimental stage. I say, it worked on yeast and worms, so get thee to the pharmacy and don't spare the horses.
Ach, back to the stable. Turns out whether in a supplement or wine, elimination is the big problem. We just pee it out. And scientists won't release it in drug form for another decade if at all.
Which leaves us to try an actual near-starvation diet. Preliminary trials look promising and there are communities of people who have been on the regimen for at least the past few decades with good results (i.e., they're breathing).
It will require self-discipline, an existential leap of faith, and lots of gum. I may have to take up smoking.
And that's not all. When most people sign on to this, starvation is but daily. I have some catching up to do. I'll starve twice a day. Maybe 9 to 12, and part of the afternoon.