Saturday, March 7, 2009

I hate most of my friends

I submitted articles to NY, Smithsonian, and Atlantic Monthly this week, and you know what one of my friends said? She said, “Maybe you’re aiming too high.”

So I said, “Maybe that shirt makes you look fat.”

Honestly, women can be so bitchy. Maybe she needs yoga or something.


  1. You need to hate only the one friend. You're not aiming too high. You have plenty of friends who believe you're the best (I've heard them say it to your face and behind your back, I have witnesses.)

    A) The publications haven't had time to even receive your work, much less read or reject it.
    B) How can they publish you if they don't know about you?
    C) Aim low and low is what you get. I'll bet your low-aiming friend knows that one.

  2. You're sweet. I was just joshin'

    (altho not about the submissions. Even I had to laugh as I pressed send to Atlantic Monthly.)

  3. Maybe that laugh as you pressed "send" was the equivalent of yesterday's speaking harshly to yourself.

    Still, I maintain: Why not start at the top? You know how it goes, those editors become aware of you, start reading your stuff and liking it. "Send me more." Until you hit on the thing they publish. I didn't get even a one-liner on any TV show by shooting for non-union, non-paid gigs. My head-shot had been across those studio casting desks. I had auditioned in those shiny offices many times before I got those jobs. It's the same thing. You don't get into the big publications by sending your stuff to the little ones, is all I'm sayin'.

    Like I would know.

  4. If nothing else, it's fodder for my post mill. Now who am I missing? I know, my next victim will be the most brilliant magazine in the world: The Economist.

  5. Yes, no joke, KB.

    Per years of rigid anecdotal analysis, the ladies appear more jealous (and apologetic to) of each other, than the other sex or canines. Another observation from this observer is fat & weight are amongst their most commonly thought of words.

    "Don't worry be happy"

    Still, I maintain: I could even be talking to some mag's, "Sexiest Woman Alive of de Year" and she'll soon mention her weight problems to me!! Where did that come from??

    I'm gonna stop here. It's too early in the day & my brain feels fat & outta shape at this time. Sorry, I missed the pre-mill.

    Take some comfort in food & drink cuz that's what I gotta do now.

  6. Listen to the working actress. She knows everything. I stick by my previous statement: The New Yorker, etc, would be lucky to have you. That being said, there's no shame in building clips in more workaday publications.

  7. Hmmm, maybe I should take this post down? I was just having fun with my evil twin.

  8. Oh please, you all know AH should be writing for Cat World, you're just too nice to say anything.

    (And I borrowed this shirt from her. That's why it's so big on me.)

  9. Workaday publications are excellent as well. (A few days on a soap pays as well as a day on CSI.)

    Hey, Anonymous/Evil Twin, Cat World is tops in its field! Can you say "meow"?

  10. AH: I felt the same way yesterday. But let's get you back on track. Mya daughter was born three months after aI finished my dissertation, and soon thereafter I began to have mixed feelings about pursuing a tenure track job. I was talking to my dissertation one day and telling her all of this and she said to me, "You can choose not to do this work, but if you do you will never be as smart as you are now." She meant if very sincerely and kindly.

  11. How did cats get into this thing! Let's keep this positive.

    Listen to the professor & the on-call actress, & especially that wise old dog.

    oK, gotta get back to being productive...

  12. This blog must not be taking submeeshuns, or else my v word was too difficult. I thought I left a comment...anyway, well, it isn't every friend that will ask you to clarify your ambition, intentionally or otherwise. And maybe her shirt does make her look fat. When does the submission to The Agronomist go out?

    My word is sweep. I think I can, I think I can...

  13. There's more than one way to the top. You can start at the top or you can work your way up to the top.

  14. Ooee. Howzabout both at the same time? Is there anything wrong with submitting a piece to the New Yorker at the same time you submit a different piece to the Podunk Daily Chronicle?

  15. Personally, I like to keep my submissions posted to the bathroom wall in the Old Town Pub.