Saturday, March 7, 2009

I hate most of my friends redux

I submitted articles to NY, Smithsonian, and Atlantic Monthly this week, and you know what one of my friends said? She said, “Maybe you’re aiming too high.”

So I said, “Maybe that shirt makes you look fat.”

Honestly, women can be so bitchy. Maybe she needs yoga or something.

Don’t ever let her know I actually listened and took another stroll through Writer’s Market. Just let her worry about that shirt for awhile.

I shot my feet:
Western RV News - Some may think it’s hard to combine engines, curlers, Zuma Beach, and hot dogs in a 400-word think piece. But some aren't ready to get out on the highway.

I shot from the hip:
Bon Appetit – How many retreads can you slap on baked apples and roasted chicken? So I sent them, “Street Smarts,” a piece about road kill preparations and organic toothpicks.

I shot the clouds again:
Of the tippy top best mags I have yet to torment, there's The Economist. I remember when I actually subscribed to The Economist and proudly carried it around in airports and hotel lobbies. That magazine had huge chunks of text and no cartoons at all. Weird. Still, I did take on one article per issue, just in case anyone ever asked what I was reading. And I sent them ... well I won't say, wait for their shock to wear off.


  1. "writic" is my word.

    I sent along some verse to one of the top flight "journals" in the field of Japanese short form poetry. I think one or two might have a chance at publication, but as always, it'll probably be the ones I'm not really happy with.
    The kicker is-there is no compensation.

    I think the actor lady (I'm afraid I'll misspell her name) is right.
    She seems very wise...

    lean times
    crows worrying

  2. Wake me up when the possum's done.

  3. ?? Yeah, KB, I got it the first time.
    Maybe I should start taking submarinemissions.

  4. That'sssssssssssss ome wild hooting little lady. orry I have ssssssssssss ticky.

    Al way hoot of r tar

  5. Bandit, I like your style. That's a very nice haiku, too. Honestly, I wonder if I seem wise because I shoot my mouth off with confidence.

    I hate my friends: that s ticky thing is a problem for damn sure. But I think you're right, the hiker should hoot for a star. I'll join her and bay at the moon.

    I am sick and tired of getting the crappiest, most meaningless word verifications.

  6. I don't think you're aiming too high, but I'll bet the shirt did make her look fat.
    "Every time a friend of mine succeeds, a part of me dies."
    Oscar Wilde

  7. I think you should send the road kill piece to The Economist. I'm serious!

    Anyway, I heard that blogs are the new Great American Novel.

  8. You didn't did you? You sent "Crazy Eights" to The Economist?

    Mid-Town G

    Word: drail

  9. I'm laughing.

    Mid-Town G

  10. You should all visit Bandit's site. He's very talented.

    Ok CO, you can be my interpreter, but only on Canadian bank holidays.

    Hoot first, then call whatever you hit the target.

    Also love the O.W. quote.

    Laurie, that hadn't occurred to me. But I can see Mid Town would be quite embarassed to have ever known me. (Crazy 8's it is.)

    I think I will try my hand at the road kill. Maybe another Smithsonian piece.

  11. Or, your Translather!

    I gotta get outta here 2 eat.

  12. This poem by Clive James seems appropriate. It's called
    The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered.

    Another meaningless WordV.

  13. All my shirts make me look fat.

  14. Clive James makes a point to beware in the first few lines of the final stanza.

  15. Julie's right. Clive James can really hoot from the hip, Petrea. and Virg, you're lovely. Who took the photo?

  16. Someone needs to publish you.

    Someone, hopefully you, needs to save us from so much of the crappy writing that gets tossed our way. The past issue of Food and Wine featured the word "lush" on every other page. I used to like that word.