Things look bleak today -- world-wide, economically-speaking -- so you know, why not try religion? I’m working from the public library, without a cup of coffee or bowl of soup in sight. This is penance. Some guy just finished coughing up a lower intestine at the next table. Prior to, the librarian shushed him, which I thought was rude, seeing as the intestine was only half way there.
Life must have been like this right before the Russian Revolution, though without palm trees and Kinkos.
I’m flipping through the 2008 Writers Market to see what kind of low-life pandering I might try my hand at. I’ve published in crap journals before; it wouldn’t be sinking to where this woman had never sunk before. At 35, I channeled a 60-year old man with triple bypass to get published in a health journal. So trust me, any ethics arguments you throw my way, I’ll throw them back ‘cause they’re just too small.
So many titles, so much time. I’ll tell you three that are totally out: “Fur, Fish, and Game,” “Conception,” and “Skin Disorders Monthly .”
Good God. (Remember this; we have a theme.)
Parenting Magazine has possibilities. I’m not a parent, but I’ve known parents. I had parents for heaven’s sakes. (please note: second nod to the Almighty.)
Then there’s the romance and dating trade. A pretty easy do, I would guess, though a few hits on the head with a hammer might speed up the writing process. Lord love us. (Third nod.)
And speaking of trades, trade journals pay pretty damn well. Take a look at “Bathroom Yearbook," an annual journal covering all monuments marble and ceramic, and “Bedtimes.” The latter gives a stern warning that all submissions must be from retail bedding professionals. Hmmm, I’ll let that one go. It’s my religious day.
So, throwing a dart at the Writer Market when the librarian isn’t looking, I hit Organic Gardening. They pay well, and they accept approximate stabs at some sort of vegetable amusement.
And, actually, what is gardening but digging a few holes, sticking some roots in the ground, and hoping for the best. I may not really understand a triple bypass, but I do know what amounts to a hill of beans. For Christ sake.