The Monster.com tagline tells us, “Your calling is calling.” Why stop there? How about, "Your calling is answering."
And that’s only the second thing wrong with this site.
The first is their name, though I don’t hold their moronic name against them. Ten years ago, this shiny new job site pandered to those in their early twenties, looking for a dot.com or carpet-cleaning gig. Times have changed, and that profile no longer fits us, the great unwashed, but times changed in a very unexpected way, and we all had foolish thoughts ten years ago.
I say, call it anything, so long as it works. For those who have never had a day’s unemployment, the monster.com concept is simple. You post your resume and employers post job openings. Monster claims it will match your qualifications to job requirements. And voila, the perfect job for the perfect applicant.
My work history is pretty clear. So why do I get a match for Exxon CFO one day, and Arco cashier the next? And apparently I have some medical training – but only now and then. Thus I’m urged to apply for head surgeon of Kaiser Permenente on Monday and Rite-Aid delivery boy on Friday. I’m waiting to see an opening in the Obama cabinet, or alternately, an opening in cabinet making.
I’m not the only one pointing fingers around here. Recently Monster sent me an email titled “Avoid Common Resume Blunders,” obviously sensing disenchantment and trying to shift the bulk of the blame. I think my calling is calling me stupid.
But my answering is answering, so I clicked, and here are the resume sins according to Monster. And perhaps what they’re actually trying to tell me.
1. Too Focused on Job Duties
2. Flowery or General Objective Statement
3. Too Short or Too Long
They go on to say “There is no rule about appropriate resume length.” I’m supposed to figure out what this means? I’m calling my calling obtuse.
4. Using Personal Pronouns and Articles
“There should be no mentions of "I" or "me.”
Point taken. I use "I" and "me" in my resume, soon to be replaced with “a certain someone” or “herself.”
5. Listing Irrelevant Information
Strike, “I slept my way through Europe.”
6. Not Including Keywords
“Sprinkle relevant keywords throughout the resume.” And they provide a list. I’ll save my retooled summary statement for a later post.
What Monster.com doesn’t seem to realize, and perhaps my resume failed to make clear, is that I’m trying to match my work experience with my love of the outdoors.
Something in landscape design. Or meter reading.