Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Official thermometer of the US Economy



Ok, here's how we stand today -- 44 inches of frostbitten, way too expensive, barely alive banana plant. We will take the temperature weekly. Should shrinkage or even death occur, you will not be spared the message. If, however, we see leaves of hope, that too will be shared.

You can choose to believe the head of the IMF (and he's smart, ah but then again, he dated one of my best friends), or you can choose to believe a banana. (Which has been better for your health in the past six months?)

The county extension agent is on site to ensure accuracy. Albert may be a dimwitted sonofabitch, but he's an honest one.

20 comments:

  1. Oh come on! He looks like such a liar. It's so obvious. He couldn't sell me the undercoating, I'll tell ya.

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  2. Anon, apparently you're incapable of participating in a scientific experiment. I wouldn't deign to sniff your nether regions.

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  3. Dane the Netherlands.

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  4. Anon, I am so sorry, and now you're upset. (A job title, and the damn dog goes mad with power and takes over my blog.) Trust me, Albert didn't mean it -- he is the Will Rodgers of nether regions.

    But now, if you're a serious person, I think we have a little thing like the economy and a banana plant to be concerned about.

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  5. Do you mean to tell me that if that sad looking banana tree splits, then the economy will come undone? Heaven help us!

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  6. Maybe if we switched to metric, the economy would look better. Or at least in the ensuing chaos and confusion everyone would forget about it for a while.

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  7. I'm always struck by the amount of banana plantations to be found in Altadena. Maybe Nuccio of Camellia fame can give you economic advise on how to multiply the height of your nutritious investment. They have several barking county extension agents.

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  8. Can't we get that plant a sweater or something? I have a drawer full of old pashima shawls from the early 90s if they would help.

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  9. A sweater would only temporarily mask the problem. We must let the chips, if there are any chips left at all, fall where they may.

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  10. Forget the damn banana plant. I've yearned for a dimwitted RICH SOB since I shed my ex husband.
    If it's Albert, so be it. We can negotiate.

    OK I swear this is my word Ver.
    LIESS. They all tell 'em.
    V

    Oh and one more thing. I know it's a titch premature, but we make a killer banana pudding down here. Don't let some damn Yankee do that for you. Call me!

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  11. I'm with my President. I, my 401K, and my banana plant. I have no doubt the latter two will grow before the year is over. God, I like him sooooo much more than the last guy, in every way imaginable. Virg, let's show our solidarity to better times ahead: Send that pudding recipe! (And actually Vanda, I think yours is not a bad idea.)

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  12. I like Vanda's idea, too. Hell, we voted for change, let's go all the way.

    Albert may be dumb but as you said he's honest. He's also photogenic. Shiny.

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  13. Another thing: let's switch from Farenheit to Celsius!

    What I want to know is where are the cows in Altadena? I keep buying milk and related products made by the Altadena Dairy, but I have never seen a single cow over there.

    PS. I have a good banana bread recipe.

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  14. As much as I would hate to learn the metric system for REAL we really should join the rest of the planet. We look like idiots using tsp, qts, miles, degrees F! What are we thinking?
    V

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  15. There is only one thang that is still measured in inches the world over, but claiming 44" is just so ... so ... American!!

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  16. Julie's right. Hadn't thought of it that way-HAR!!!
    V

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  17. Your nanner tree looks like my nanner trees - mildewed - so it's prolly okay. I have to move mine in the next few days - part of my ongoing relandscaping project. I found a good info sheet here:
    http://miami-dade.ifas.ufl.edu/old/programs/urbanhort/publications/Caulkins%20pdf/Calkins%20xvi%20Papaya,%20banana%20etc..pdf
    We have to help the economy all we can so best to be well-informed. However, if your nanner doesn't make it no one can say I didn't make a positive contribution to the effort. No finger pointing in my direction, by inches, mm, or otherwise (maybe we can start a new measurement system: one standard banana long, "it was three banana slices wide", the slippery banana peeel factor, the over-ripe banana moment, "Oh, I feel like a bruised banana", the green banana dilemma...I could just go on and on. Of course, there has to also be a pudding dimension...).

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  18. Two bananas up, PJ!

    And Julie, I know men who would claim anything, even with the evidence staring you straight in the face.

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  19. OK , I'm rolling in the floor over that one KB. Ya'll are too much.
    V

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  20. THANK GOD! The fate of our economy rests in the hands of a banana tree. Finally, the kind of hope I can believe in!

    Plus, you won't die of a potassium-deficient heart attack if the economy doesn't recover. I'd get a gun to go with that food tree if I were you. Isn't that what rich people do, hedge?

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