Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Don't count on it

Do you have some sort of analytics on your blog? I did, but I found it either very confusing or very depressing. Oh, there was traffic all right. Allegedly. But let’s examine the quality of this traffic.

From an international perspective, I touch all the continents except Antarctica. Around the holidays, I’m curiously popular in some of those lightly travelled areas such as Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, and Uruguay. I also have a bit of a following in Egypt, Pakistan and India. And the Philippines were highly interested in my Christmas post.

France has stopped by many times, but for 0.1 seconds each time. The same with Great Britain, Spain, Italy, and Poland. So what I have to say to them is this: If my site makes you malade to your stomach, stop the fuck visiting. You think I need your cool continental disdain; the mocking “Monday – France – 8 – 0.1?” Go haunt Stephane. (I do remember leaving a comment on a lovely French photography blog, and she left a comment on mine that she would now explore what I have to offer and get back to me. It’s cruel that I’m still waiting.)

So let’s move closer to home. I can lay claim to about 20 states, but some of them conspire with France and Spain. They visit repeatedly, but leave in a great hurry every time. “Good heavens, how did I end up here again?” Most particularly in this regard, I can point to Connecticut, Ohio, Oregon, and a great swath of the Great Plains.

See, it’s why they return over and over that really irritates me. They visit just to snub me. No, I know my pictures aren’t any better constructed this time, I’m no more profound. Nothing’s different. You didn’t like me before, you won’t like me now, and you won’t like me in the future. Leave me in peace.

My greatest fan base is in California, and I no doubt constitute most of that fan base. I edit my writing a great deal (don’t look so surprised), so I visit myself quite a bit to change an “and” to a “so”, or alter some embarrassing grammatical gaffe after a consultation with Strunk and White. So if I make a lot of errors on a particular day, I’m actually quite popular.

The analytics are now history; I probably installed them incorrectly anyway. Maybe France & Spain visited long and hard day after day, but it was metrically.

37 comments:

  1. Hi Karin - It's me, Mister Earl, in South Pasadena.

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  2. Hi again Karin - Mister Earl again. Still in South Pasadena. Just stopped by to read over my previous comment.

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  3. Karin - You're really popular today. With that facial you had yesterday, who can resist visiting here?

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  4. Oh yeah, the last one was also from me, Mister Earl, in South Pasadena.

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  5. Bonsoir Madame,
    Parlez vous anglais???? I am so LOL. I got the site meter and it reads like a bad CIA report. Actually I wish the CIA reports were this detailed. I don't know what to think either. One positive thing is how nice it is to see how many viewers I have from all over the globe that I didn't know about since most don't leave comments. Is it just the nutcases that leave comments?????? MOI????

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  6. Et moi. I decided to quit torturing myself and took the damn thing off. Besides, I'm busy. I submitted two pieces to the New Yorker. The way I figure, it's a simple three step process: Write, submit, publish.

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  7. Most of my loyal/consistent readers are in Southern California, with the predominance in the Pasadena/Altadena area.

    Whenever I check Google Analytics, I see that I still have a handful of regular viewers in the Sister Cities that were the inspiration for my blog in the first place, so that's always fun to see.

    Somebody in the Philippines spends about four minutes per view on my blog, stopping by a few times a month. I don't know who that is, but I'm glad they're interested.

    The other regulars are in Spain, which I have visited several times and where I made some nice connections, so I'm glad they're keeping up as well.

    And, of course, my children, siblings and cousins all over the country. Their cities always pop up in the report.

    And Aaron Proctor, who is in Philly now but still stops by. I take a peek at his blog from time to time.

    Other than that, it's mostly viewers who obviously have stumbled onto my blog and therefore spend only a few seconds, if even that.

    I don't look at Google Analytics all that often, maybe once a month, but it's always fun to poke around a little.

    I wish more would leave comments when they stop by. Unless that happens, many of the regular viewers will remain nameless. Oh, well. I suppose it's all part of the wonderful, mysterious blogosphere.

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  8. You could have analytics on your blog? I had no clue.

    Btw, those supper short visits are probably spiders: scurrying digital insects collecting morsels of data.

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  9. KB, I could move to Norway to shore up your base...XXcept for the Norwegian Food.

    GA, et al: RAM eaters. Travel light.

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  10. The New Yorker? Really? I wanna know all about it.

    I do not check my analytics obsessively. Once a day. That's it. They don't change. Yet.

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  11. Should we submit the SITEMETER to the new CIA Director? I think he needs to know there are things out there that could work. It certainly gives me much more info than I ever needed to know! LIke WHY is noone in Antarctica checking my blog???

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  12. "very confusing or very depressing" - LOL I installed site meter a few weeks ago and was initially obsessed. But I couldn't understand what all the zeroes were about. It's like they couldn't get off the site fast enough. I took it very personally.

    My food blog took a huge spike around the New Year. Lots of people from Hawaii were doing google searches about Japanese New Years soup. Many were searching on New Years Day. I thought, "hey people, this is a complicated soup. You're a little late to the party."

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  13. Under "Visits" there's something called "% Change." It's always in the negative, even on days when my numbers are way up. I don't know what that means...Maybe it's a good thing?

    Here's what's good: the analytics are free.

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  14. I've just realized I don't know the F-word in French. Merde.
    Karin, you keep writing like that & your local fan base will never leave you. Even if you don't write so well.
    New Yorker - best wishes with that & YOU GO, girl.
    PS - How is the Greene & Greene exhibit at the Huntington? Worth a cross town trip?
    I'm so glad to get comments (THANK YOU, THANK YOU) - it stops me from looking at stats.

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  15. Baiser, I believe Tash. And yes, yes, yes, worth the visit. I'll comment on your blog w/details. And I'm going to spin what you said about my not writing well in THE most positive manner.

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  16. The New Yorker?!? Wow! I've only known one other person who even submitted. Marvin did it just so he could get the reject letter. He collected them from the best publications.

    Alas, these days with email, we don't even have a nice piece of letterhead to show for our efforts.

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  17. I don't have analytics. If my IT department -- otherwise known as Paula Johnson -- doesn't show me how to do something, I haven't done it. Really, I would be blogging with a quill if it were possible. But it's probably good because I would probably obsess about it and then get depressed and then eat Christmas chocolate and then weigh 400 pounds.

    Good luck with the New Yorker. You are brilliant, and they would be lucky to have your name on their pages.

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  18. Oh - and I didn't mean to make it sound like you would receive a rejection from The New Yorker. I was just speaking for myself about the rejection letter and letterhead.

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  19. I submitted to the New Yorker once. They're rejection was printed on cheaper card stock than the one from the tiny little lit mag Zzyzyva in San Francisco. Cheap bastards!

    I like the idea of submitting Sitemeter for use by the CIA!

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  20. The NYer?
    Well, I'd better not comment on that. I've left that 2 d the resta you.

    But, i do know KB is great enuf 2 be my editor 4 which I pay her dearly, or pay dearly. Oh dear, I don't know how I'm supposed 2 say it. Where's my editor when I need her...

    LA: u may want to submit to de Nation instead.

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  21. So twenty comments on how my rejection will come wrapped? Only Margaret is my BFF, I'm baking her some low-fat cookies. The rest of you, just wait (a long time, perhaps).

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  22. You're not gonna get rejected. They got nothin' like you.

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  23. By the way, your greatest fan base is right here at my computer. You make me want to cut loose and be funny! There's nobody like you, nobody writing what you write. Anybody who turns you down for publication is a fool, and the wise publication who snaps you up is tapping a gold mine. (Everybody's looking for a gold mine these days. Let's all just be that.)

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  24. Thanks sis. Actually I generally laugh harder at the comments than my blog -- but all of it gives me pleasure. So, you really hadn't revisited childhood books for quite some time? You're so damned sophisticated with all that "Love in the time of Cholera" stuff.

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  26. "I was in love for the 180th time that week, and it was the time of cholera," said Thumper.

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  27. Is Petrea your sistah? I am so clueless.
    Can you move to Antarctica to help my stats?


    PS You are the only one that caught my "humor" today apparently. GEeeesh.

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  28. Oh, no...just shows I can't write at all, even a simple English phrase, and have it say what I mean. You KNOW what I meant, don't you?

    Mr. Earl is just too funny.

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  29. I know Tash. Even if I didn't know, I'd work all night to spin it. virg, no, P is not my sister, I'm her good-deed project. (virg,how could they have missed the bad-boy post?)

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  30. I wuz gonna ask emmgee to platser sum songs about New York and Mary Tyler Moore n stuff but I jus got plastered instead.

    Go France.

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  31. KB.
    Go figure. I think I'm being clever as hell and noone gets it. Guess I'll go back to basics. When I catch on in Antarctica, things might change.
    V

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  32. Virginia, why would you want to be hot in Antarctica when your the hottest thing in Pasadena?

    I don't know about "Love in the time of Cholera," KB. The last thing I read was "I Caught Cholera from My Lover." It was torrid. Took me a week to read it.

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  33. Petrea
    The only thing hot about me anymore is the occasional leftover flash. I'm off for more duct tape.

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  34. I'm adored by the French. They frequently send me comments in the language of love.

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