Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Take it off, take it all off

I have a long history of bad haircuts, starting when I was about 8. My mother got tired of combing out tangles, so tossed me in the car, took me to some a hair-cut school, and had me shorn like a sheep. I walked in with long straight albino white-hair and walked out looking like a chia pet. Devastated, I was Sampson, or Sampsonette, and cried and threw the comb every morning as I tried to tame the cowlicks. Dippitydo just made the tufts stand up to windstorms.

I had a godmother who knitted me a pony-tail cap out of red yarn and I wore the damn thing until I was 10.

So I'm not a friend of high-end, mid-end, low-end salons. I've tried Beverly Hills, I've tried Sam's. No one ever gives me the hair I think I should have. And they'll snip and shape and pooffe and blow, and it just gets more and more hopeless in my mind. I want to tell them, I know you think you're the physicist of follicles, but please, just do the cut and let me get the hell out of here so I can stand under the shower and try to come to grips with what you've done. Quit playing with my hair because I just hate it more and more.

But two things I've learned: Go to a new place every time and ask for the owner to do the cut. And if your name is Karin, and there's an owner with the same name and spelling, go there. I really like Karin's in Sierra Madre. And I really like Karin. She thought I didn't want 6 inches off, so she took it off 2 inches at a time. She didn't have to be that delicate, but she's kind of an artist, and wanted to see if this was really the way to go. I think it was.

Anyway, I have no cowlicks. I'm not throwing the comb.

13 comments:

  1. Such a real and honest story. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. I wanna see. You probably look great. There's nothing like a good haircut or a very close shave.


    I remember the commercial.

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  3. Hey, you're in good company. I just found a new stylist and got a new do. She managed to banish Little Orphan Annie.

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  4. Did someone just have a hair mowing, KB?

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  5. I got a shave too when I was a kid. My mother thought it would make my hair stronger. It didn't work, my hair is super fine. Anyway, the shave didn't bother me at all. Even with hair grownups kept saying: What a cute little boy you are!

    I tried a hair salon once in Toluca Lake, and that was the worst hair cut ever, including the time I trimmed my bangs. It's not just that the cut was bad, but the stylist teased my hair into oblivion and I swear sprayed half a can of hair spray on it. I looked like and old lady form New Jersey.

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  6. I have a head full of cowlicks and a widow's peak, and all I've ever wanted was bangs.

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  7. Hey biker Ben, I like your site. The rest of youse guys, behave, because I know an old lady from Jersey who isn't afraid of a close shave and she'll clean your clock. Oh, and Margaret, bangs or no bangs, I just get the feeling you were everyone's best friend in school.(Bet your tried the scotch tape treatment, huh? Confess)

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  8. I shear my own shore. I have only myself to blame. The word verification for today is "comit" a digital fortune cookie.

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  9. I've been getting mine cut in San Diego the past couple of years. Now that I'm here most weekends again, I need to find someone local. I'm terrified.

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  10. This is great, Karin. I've never gotten over my Dorothy Hamill days back when I was 12. Now, they either give me a cut that I have to use a flat iron on for 30 minutes to make work right or they give me a cut that is so poofy I look like I need to be hanging out in the mall, circa 1985. (All together now:"Get into the groove, boy, you've got to prove your love to me...")

    Oh, and don't get me started on the side-swept long bangs. Please. How does ANYONE wear those things without plastering it with hairspray until it is a stiff forehead awning or spending the entire day flipping it out of your eyes? I will never grow my bangs out again. Without them, I could show IMAX movies on my forehead. And hey, every couple of years I'm cutting edge trendy.

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  11. BTW, I want to see a pic of your new 'do!

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  12. See, this is why scissors never touch my hair.

    Last decent do I had was my Princess Diana-do back when I was 13. Shortly after that I decided I wasn't going to have another haircut. And I haven't.

    What the heck do you do with 4 feet of hair, though? Same problem, different chapter...

    Looking forward to seeing the new look, Karin!!

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