Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Gawrsh

We have an LA public television institution, Huell Howser, who specializes in unearthing and publicizing the most boring places on earth. He's a ten-foot tall Tennessee transplant who gives tours through diaper laundries (no kidding) and egg nog dairies, ditches, compost piles, parking lots. Likely some stories there, but none HH will ever find, 'cause he ain't looking for anything beyond, "So you've parked your car in this same spot for how many years?"

I met Huell once, and as Vanda would say, he butters his bread on both sides. But he knows how to keep the sticky side up.

Can't get enough of him, though. "So how many dy-ah-pers do do you think you've warshed in twenty years?" or the hard-hitting, "Kin you tell me if thare's any eygs in eyg nog?" All the while, a look of mentally-challenged amazement on his face, often accompanied by a hushed "Gawrsh." And he ends the shows schilling for his dvd's, "A great gift for your local lahbrury..."

So how many years of the Salute to The Toenail Clipper float-sponsored by Rite-Aid do we have left in the Rose Bowl hopper? Lots, perhaps. The Rose Parade is way too disingenuous. Yet like Huell, curiously, it continues to sell.

25 comments:

  1. Look out. My grammy thinks Huell is hot.

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  2. "I met Huell once, and as Vanda would say, he butters his buns on both sides. But he knows how to keep the sticky side up.
    Can't get enough of him, though" - AH

    Great lyrics, AH. Only you know what they really mean!

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  3. Gaaaalay, what's so dang funny about the way he tawks???
    V

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  4. Once we took my mom to the Rose Parade. She watched the whole thing from the steps of the Robinsons before it was the Target. Then, when we got home, she had to watch the whole thing -- twice-- on the television, as if verify that her live viewing experience had really happened. It's a strange thing, that parade, and the replaying and replaying of the parade is even stranger. As for Huell, well even he needs health insurance. I guess it's a living.

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  5. Back in the olden days when I wuz groin' up on thuh south, I thought thuh the people who talked like Hewel Hauser, were the ones who triggered our psyches to push us across the streets to keep from making eye contact. I'uv come to, actually, appreciate this down home, corn pone, cotton picking, back slapping, cud chewing, virtual being that was created to let me know that my childhood images were based on some tad of reality. I hope mother will forgive me for saying this, but I actually enjoy him from time to time. There is a sound the makes me see a lot of the beauty of those years. Roots ain't always bound by blood, but also images, sounds, and the music of the winds that pass us by, reminding us where home is or was.

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  6. That's poetic, CB3dot.

    I am going to practice my "piani" now.

    What is it with your particular word verification? It's supposed to be random, yet on your site, and only on your site, the words come up fitting your posts. It's so weird! What gives, Snookerdoodle?

    The parade is a great flower stealing opportunity for locals. heh!

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  7. LOL. Just LOL. You know he might be the non-cartoon version of Goofy.

    Word verification: warrall - what do you make of that?

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  8. Y'all are so lucky. I almost took you on my Turkey Buying Adventure trying to find $5 poultry at Food For Less. I got a couple of lines into it and thought, Dang, I sound just like Huell.

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  9. I have the television viewing sophistication of a 3rd grader. As such, Huell is a guilty pleasure.

    I actually want to know about the parking lot. No wonder I like freelancing for local papers, huh?

    "Did your mommy make your costume?"
    "Your book club has read ALL the Oprah books? Really?"
    "So, to confirm, you think city council is run by evil alien reptilian humanoids?"

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  10. Huell may spend to much time in 29 Palms but he'll always remain the son of a preacher. He is the sweetest man on earth when he gets around elderly ladies. He looks them in the eye and touches their hands and they melt.

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  11. HH makes a good company to the Happy Painter.

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  12. Back in the days when I worked for a private foundation, I once saw Huell bow down on his knees in front of the Ralph M. Parsons Foundation staff. Parsons was his primary funder back then, and he was thrilled to display his appreciation. It was showy, but sweet.

    The parade is disingenuous---it is terrifically corporate on the one hand, and takes a hell of a lot of work and coordination on the other hand. It fascinates me how Pasadena revels in being the Center of the Universe at this time of year.

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  13. That effing B2 bomber scares the bejeesus out of me. "Watch the parade...OR ELSE!"

    Word verification: ofskyra

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  14. Geezzz, another bubble burst with a loud BANG. All these years when I got up early to watch the parade in my jammies, I thought the good people of Pasadena were proud as punch to have those money ( and time) guzzlers crawling down the streets tying up traffic! Apparently not.....sigh.
    V

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  15. Hey Virg, at 10:00 our time, when they shoot a picture of the mighty San Gariel mountains high above the Rose Parade, I'll be at one pf the summits and I'll wave to you. Really. And check out West Coast Girlie Blather (on my blogroll), because she's not at all jaded and has some great shots of float preparation.

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  16. Virginia, I think we're proud enough. If you took away the stadium and the parade we'd protest. They tried to bring in an NFL team and we voted it away. We like our small-timey stuff. Well, okay. I do.

    Speaking of which, I adore Huell Howser. J and I always quote him when we find something dorky that's fun. "Wayell, that's jest the kahnda thang Ah lahk!"

    We like Huell because he's totally disingenuous. He's what he appears to be.

    Barmap. That's my word verification. Speaking of football fan tourists visiting...

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  17. Oh no Virginia, I'm the only one in Pasadena that really really HATES the parade. I mean I really detest it. It makes me SICK!

    But I am the only one, and even my own mother doesn't believe me. She still asks every year---are you going over to watch the parade?

    Yeah mom, my favorite is the Sturm und Drang float. Oh, and the Blackwater float from San Diego that's packed with exploited immigrants using their foot power after being up all night cleaning seeds and blossoms at gunpoint. Where is the death penalty float or is that a DooDah thing?

    "sturni" so weird.

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  18. Oh good , so now I can sleep tonight and get up and watch in my jammies and look for all my pals in the stands? Yippee. God Bless America! Oh and about that football game? When you all let an SEC team in I'll get fired up about that too. And don't let them talk you into an NFL team!

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  19. Thank you for a year of wonderful humor and insights.

    My word tonight is "mersei."

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  20. I wish you your best year in 2009, Karin!

    Just thinking...I'm getting hungry again.

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  21. My word verification is jaded. I'm not kidding.

    That said, I kinda feel like MIss H about the parade, but I'm a squealing fangirl when it comes to Huell.

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  22. We love Huell. In our house, we can't just say of something, "That's amazing!" We have to say "Thayat's UH-MAAY-ZIN'!"

    I think I saw you in one of the parade vista shots, right up there on Echo Mountain. HD just so totally rocks.

    Now its time for hockey.

    As for the parade itself, WTF with the Bomber showing up an hour late? Someone forget to set his alarm clock? Whatever happened to military precision?

    The bands were nice. The donkeys were cute.

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  23. ROBINSONS IS NOW TARGET! Sigh! I worked in the men's department (didn't have the look or the clothes for young women's) for about a month before college. I was so good at folding sweaters after that.

    Keith of Monrovia has a photo of Huell. Huell came to Boeing to film the C-17 but I never did see that one...I can imagine "& how many, what do you call them, fasteners are there on the C-17?" (can't do the accent)
    Great post AH!

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  24. Well I'll tell you this. Huell got a lot more votes than the Rose Parade. Was he ever a grand marshall? If not, they've missed a sure bet.

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