Thursday, November 13, 2008

Ok smartypants, how well would you do?


As docent candidate at the Huntington Gardens, we have to take mucho botany classes and some mid-terms. I’ve always tested very well, from IQ’s to SAT’s and such. Doesn’t prove you really know anything much, except psychology. And a few magic tricks.So I’m going to take this xylem and sip my dissolved nutrients (martini) and look at my notes.

Photosynthesis:
Smoking a cigarette+swimming+tanning = Snickers and a breath of fresh air. Snickers stored on thighs and other bodily parts.
(Carbon dioxide + water + light = Glucose + Oxygen. Glucose conversion stored as starch, often throughout plant)
6C02 +6H20 = C6H1206 +602
Thighs would not increase if chloroplast did not exist
And unlike the awful gas exchange humans experience, CO2 goes in, but it’s 02 that goes out through the stomata that are guard cells.
Actual evil done to thighs occurs in mitochondria.

Cellular respiration:
Snickers +breath of fresh air = Cigarette and a swim (no tanning required)
C6H1206 +602 = 6C02 +6H20 (New jeans may temporarily fit, tho probably not, becuz process is constant. Cut down on tanning in prior formula.)

16 comments:

  1. These "notes" look stimulatingly suspsicious.

    Some subliminal message you've put in them. Or, maybe it was MH doing the notes for you.

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  2. When I was in the seventh grade, we had to learn all the parts of plants. Our exam was we went into a private room and the teacher had various plastic models of plants and he would point to things and you had to name them. You had one minute an you'd get 5 points per right answer. The "star" of our class had gotten a 93. I went into that room and came out with a 105. But the one thing I couldn't find was the part of the plant that is my password today, the "inggatti."

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  3. And sing the tissue songs: meristems, epidermus, ground, and vascular.

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  4. I think you're going to be advancing to the guard shack. Bring a book.

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  5. I was all set to leave a comment about my life as a test-taker but I just noticed that my word verification is (swear to God) "cheati".

    Somebody's trying to tell me something.

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  6. I say stomato, you say stomata.

    What's the difference between respiration and transpiration?

    Name three ways that a palm tree and Palm Axis are alike.

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  7. i always knew you were a brainiac.

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  8. Do you know how ants get their milk? The milk vast herds of aphids. I am not kidding you.

    I think there is some thermal dynamics mixed in with the Snickers. Thigh molecules are not stable this time of year anyway.

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  9. Dr. Parsons Hubbard Fuller, Guerney cream psychiatriztNovember 14, 2008 at 4:52 PM

    Click here for info on milking aphids

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  10. (CO+ME+PP+PA) / (K+SC+KM+DP) = Champagne cocktail - snickers

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  11. Dr. Parsons Hubbard Fuller, Guerney cream psychiatriztNovember 14, 2008 at 11:14 PM

    Lady bugs = B
    Ants = A
    Aphids = M

    B/M > A/M

    A loses.

    "Some ants move aphid nymphs to new plants, and into their own nests during bad weather, and they assiduously guard their aphid cows from their natural enemies."

    That's why you hate ants, really, admit it. Oh sure! Change the subject to fly fishing!

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  12. Left a comment on yours. I'm sure this was in a children's book. They were the size of ants or something like that, and the ants were these evil ranchers. (Aphids don't lose around this homestead.)

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  13. You are a very silly person. And a very smart one. And I love this post and all your confusing notes.

    Okay, my word verification is dulrd! DULRD! What message does that say to ME?

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  14. When I was a kid my favorite record was "The Ants' Picnic." It was amazing.

    I say sfumato.

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  15. F = ma - oops, wrong course. - I studied up on that last year when Jr. was in 7th grade. I should of had your formula - would of explained the law of the tightening jeans.

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