Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Don't snicker


Ok, I finally polished off the last of my Halloween stash. I had three plus-size bags from Target, and ended up with about 15 trick or treaters. You do the caloric math. And where's your plus-size now? I run almost every day, but I'd have to run to Winnipeg to work this off. But like I said, the candy's gone now, just in time for Thanksgiving.

If I were a trick or treater, I would have visited my house. I let the little spidermen and princesses shove their grubby little paws in the bowl of reese's and snickers and m&m's and take whatever they can grab. Greedy buggers. Sometimes they come up with a couple of snickers, them that wanted reese's, and ask for another pass. Not that they return the snickers.

Next year I'll buy candy I don't like, in case no one shows up. Low-end crap like Smarties. Even as a five year old, I knew the Smartie houses were some cheap sons of bitches. Really, just about anything unchoclified, cheap sons of bitches. And if I'm left with three Target bags of Smarties, I'll just toss them without a moment's regret.

It's like I told Pasadenapio, for my earthquake stash I only buy food I'd never eat unless I were starving. That way I won't snack in between temblors. Makes me gag just to think of the evils lurking in my pantry -- the roni cans -- Ricearoni, beefaroni, pigtoesaroni, deadflyaroni, unidentifiablegutsfromthebuttaroni.

You may snicker, you with your emergency stash of smoked oysters and tempanade. But come the big one, we'll just see who has something left to open. And with a Smartie chaser.

17 comments:

  1. If the big one hits. I'm packing a pistol. I won't be missing meals. Neither will Tovah.

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  2. A week before Halloween this year, I threw out the bag of Smarties that I had been using for the past three years. Cheap SOB! I guess the word got around after I gave out the first Hershey this year. Kids were showing up until 11:30 pm.

    "gufawses"

    yew are a vewy vewy funny wabbit

    Did you bust out the Full Monty yet? I bet that'll still be there the big one after the big one.

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  3. Youdon'twannaknowaroni.

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  4. Oy! Speaking of food, my password for today is "diledo." This is very close to the answer to the question, "With what do you make dill bread?"

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  5. forget the canned goods and hit the Campari. It'll give you trails!

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  6. Our trick or treat turnout was low this year, too. I'm gonna be eating Special Darks till Easter. Oh, the humanity.

    A quick check in my pantry for what's on the post-apocolypse menu shows that I'll be on a steady diet of single malt, puerto rican rum, TJ's margarita mix and pop tarts. Ruh roh.

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  7. I have a selection of canned soups and mandarin oranges. I also have an curiously large amount of hard liquor.

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  8. Oh, and I have a can of beans and suspicious looking sausages to add to your stash.

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  9. So I assume PA & Tovah will be sharing the Kitty Queen. MH, I tried to leave that digusting Monty at Susan's, but as you can see, she's determined to return it to the rightful owner.

    And let's see, so far our earthquake meal consists of canned body parts, pop tarts, oranges, plus Campari and assorted hard liquor. Who's bringing the finger bowls and limoge?

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  10. Thanks y'all for thinkin of me.
    I can do with canned foods, soups, beans & sausage, meats, fingers foods. In an emergency, these will do in lieu of my dog food.

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  11. I've got Rebel Yell and sardines

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  12. We have canned beans and spaghetti-os -- that we continually raid. No smarties, though. Then again, we had about 500 trick or treaters. I had to go out to get more candy at 7:00PM. The only post-Halloween candy I snagged was from my daughter's trick or treat haul.

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  13. Those are some very worrisome earthquake supplies -- make sure you don't eat them on anyone else's lawn.

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  14. but I do snicker, cuz you crack me up. See here on the east coast we have no earthquakes... so if you have one, come out this way and I'll fee you til you can go home. I'm nice like that :D

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  15. Ok, here's the plan. We all meet at Jo's. Bring the liquor. (Although I do notice she forgot to include her address. Mere oversight, I'm sure.)

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  16. thank you for your visit. you can write in english I undestand better than I write. So , I'll come back this afternoon to read more attentivly your posts . Read you soon.

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