Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Making do (do)

So, I'm reading lots of articles on how best to cut expenses during these tough economic times. And god knows, with only the occasional freelance bone thrown my way, cutting back is a necessity. It's a time for give and take, and here's my give:

1. Tighten your belt. No, I mean it, really tighten that belt on your waist, hard. Your stomach will stick out above and below, and you'll be so appalled you won't feel like eating.

2. Sell stuff. Old books, clothes, identities, blood.

3. Stop paying bills. I'm not an economics major, but do you know how much I saved by implementing this simple little step? Don't kick yourself; it's never too late.

4. Cut off the auto sprinklers and fire your gardener. Stick up a sign in the weeds that says "California Native Wildlife Sanctuary." Put an insignia on the sign so it looks like you won some kind of award.

5. Sleep with your dentist.

6. Only visit friends at dinnertime. Lest they turn the tables, always have your lights off and curtains drawn at dinnertime.

7. Threaten untold humiliations if anyone eats other than dry Quaker Oats for breakfast. Visual aids help. A sparkletts bottle full of change with the note: Take to Ralph's," for example.

8. Sleep with your veterinarian

9. Use the horse shit from the local stable as fertiziler and mulch. When neighbors hint at flies, tell them you've gone green.

10. Start a small business. Think supply and demand. A fly extermination service is one idea.

11. Sleep with your accountant

15 comments:

  1. I've got #5 covered... my honey is my Dentist ... and also my 3 kids dentist. It works... well. Really well. I endorse #5!

    :P

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  2. aHA!

    Thank you for this very helpful list. It is a public service.

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  3. K, a very helpful & well thought out list of tips to be followed in the upcoming hard times.

    But, it's so hard for people to do everything (unlike us dogs). Thus, if you can only do a couple of these recommendations, it's most important you do #8 vet & last but NOT least, #11 acct.

    Also, if sleeping with your local blogger would help & reduce economic anxiety, then by all means add this to your list of xcellent tips.

    Again, K, thank you for your concern for your fellow man & dog.

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  4. I've done #5. Of course my honey didn't know about it. If you put earth worms in the compost pile and they breed rather then cook, you've got yourself a start-up business.

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  5. Accountant, Veterinarian,dentist, what about your conputer consultant? Just wonderin'

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  6. Actually, raising worms for sale isn't a bad idea. I had to drive all the way to Glendale to get new wrigglers for my worm bin.

    Now I have to give some thought to who I can sleep with. It's my bedicuiary responsibiity.

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  7. I tried sleeping with a banker but it didn't work so well.

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  8. This is hilarious, K. Wait a minute... it's not a joke.

    Sigh.

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  9. Well, I sleep with a doctor (only she's not MY doctor -- THAT'd be bad!) But it's a great way to get quick prescription meds without waiting for an appointment (ahh, cough syrup with codeine)!

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  10. You are all a rather shocking lot; I had no idea there were so many hormones raging on my blog. Well, they say confession is good for the soul. As Susan so aptly put it, you've been taking your bedicuiary responsibilities to a new level.

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  11. What's so "shocking" about pleasure? Especially if there's an economic benefit - that's a combo that's hard to beat. No pun intended?

    Xcuse me, gotta run - i think I just saw another dog trot by!

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  12. Doesn't the birth rate generally go up in tough economic times? I for one never sleep with anyone pre-vasectomy.

    I do sell a line of underwear for me who are pre-vasectomy though. Across the front they say "Shoots live ammo."

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  13. Thanks for the laugh! I had a feeling when I saw the comment on oysters you made on Adventures of Kitchen Girl that if I visited your blog I would find amusing posts. You did not disappoint!

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  14. Oh thanks Ms Gourmet; you are without time. Your bread looks divine.

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  15. I mean your beans look divine. I'll keep reading and see if bread holds true as well.

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