Thursday, September 4, 2008

Twenty five pounds

My resume is just about done, which is surprising, considering the amount of time I've spent on Cancer Banter, the Susan Carrier site.

As a rule, I avoid anything related to innards, including mine. Denial, pure and simple.

But her site does not bring out my pathological aversion to health problems. She's a cross between a Jane Austen heroine and an Olympic athlete. Such clear-eyed, unsentimental but perfect prose. I root and cheer, and have to tune in daily. She's funny, she's sad, she's down, she's up, and always, she writes beautifully.

So, on one post she mentioned the need to gain 25 pounds. And it got me thinking -- how would I do it if the world were my oyster, so to speak. (And not oysters, because calorie count is low.) So here is my embarrassing list of fat-inducing pleasures:

The crusty charred rind on the top of a prime rib roast
Bacon that has toasted on top of a roasted turkey
Cream cheese carrot cake frosting
Mother's circus cookies (the white and pink ones)
Swanson's beef pot pie
Bite-sized Reese's peanut butter cups
Malted milkshakes
Malted milk balls
Deep fried seafood with tartar sauce
Canned corned beef hash
Buttered toast with blue cheese

I hope Susan has better taste.


  1. Smother my resume in gravy. Good eats!

  2. CarN, is this on the menu of a restaurant you checked out yourself? Or, is this a place you want me to look N2?
    Sounds like it might be sumthing you find in ADena.

  3. You are so hilarious! Yes, gaining 25 pounds SHOULD be fun. I just read that Beyonce had a blast gaining 20 pounds for a film role.

    Have you actually eaten a beef pot pie lately? I just bought a Marie Calender's frozen chicken pot pie, thinking I could get in a lot of calories, but it was inedible I tell you. Inedible!

    I'm with you on that cream cheese frosting. MMMMMM!

  4. Oh, my dear, here is the mistake you made. You headed for a high-end pie. No! No! You must get the lowest-end pie there is. Don't know why, but it's true. I said Swanson's, I was wrong. That is 25 cents too high. You must try the Banquest Beef Pie. And only the beef, don't try to be goody-goody and go for turkey or chicken. Now, if someone would offer me a film role, I'd show you one rocket-fast 20 pounds!

  5. I meant Banquet. Although if there is a Banquest, maybe it's even cheaper. Here's the other thing: Don't microwave it. Put it in the oven at 400 until that vile crust is dark brown. Have lots of water on hand because I think it's half salt. But I don't care, it's yum.

  6. I've been known to turn to Banquet when times are lean, not fat.
    wordpress is giving me grief today.